Not A Winchester
by Onyx-Wildcat
Summary: SPOILERS! John W. in Jan of 1990, met Kate Milligan while working a job. What IF she already had a 7 year old daughter? This is the story about Tora and the events from her past to the present. ADULT Content. Missing Episode. Part 8 now up!
1. Part 1 :: Tora's Past, John's Legacy

**Title: Not a Winchester**  
**Author:** Onyx Wildcat  
**Chapters:** Ongoing  
**Rating:** R-Adult  
**Pairing:** Let's See what happens... *_grins_*  
**Warnings:** Strong Language, Violence, Sexual Content, Angst, Heart-Break, Comedy  
**Spoilers:** Jump the Shark/Missing Episode  
**Feedback:** Always welcome^_^  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything that pertains to the Supernatural Universe. This is merely for non-profit entertainment for other writers/readers who enjoy the 'What If' pondering when thinking of Supernatural and all it's Supernatural goodness. **Tora Balam Morgan and 'Eleanore'** are MINE  
**Onyx's Note:** After seeing **Jump The Shark** the first time, I started writing this. At first I was going for something different, and hadn't realized it had taken on a life of its own. This is the story of **Tora...Adam's big sister**...**  
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Reminiscing on my whirlwind of a past, I realize that even as a child I'd been different. I kept to myself and didn't play well with others, especially when I'd started grade school. I was weary of the other children, keeping a great deal of distance between the masses and myself, and I had a constant deep-seated distrust for my elders. I hadn't meant to be a smart ass, I was a baby after all… But I never liked the way they talked down to me, treating me as if I were less intelligent then they were. For being only seven years old, I find that rather impressive as I look back at it…and possibly disturbing. I was very sharp, almost snide and when the teacher would purposefully single me out, attempting to pull me out of my shell so-to-speak, I would answer her benign question with a question, spitting her words right back in her face. That only caused me more unneeded grief…which ended up being a precursor to the torture I would receive throughout the rest of my difficult childhood.

But what started it all…what truly put the icing on the cake… Was the day He came into our lives and flipped my world upside down.

I know now that I'm not the same girl I was when I lived back in Windom, Minnesota. I'm a great deal calmer now, clear headed and rational. Forced to raise a little brother, who had turned out to be more of an actual son to me… Then, my biggest turning point I suppose I could say, was when the time came to become a Hunter.

I'd grown up rather quickly in those twelve years without Him… I'm not sure if His absence had anything to do with the great deal of anger problems I was dealing with at nineteen, which inevitably led me on the path I'm on today.

Once I was out on my own, I'd gotten past my many issues and finally found my place in this screwed up existence we call a life. And it was all because of Him and His life changing discussion that day so many years ago…

Honestly, thinkin' about it…I miss Him. Sure He'd lied to me, lied to my family, and lied to His very own flesh and blood…but He was a good man. When the time came to step up to the plate, He was there for Adam and that's what mattered. You know in a way, I miss our talks…and our arguments. He was so much like a Father to me. I'd hated, respected, and loved that man, for so many reasons… I still do.

First for abandoning us, then for the birth of Adam…and then for showing back up so many years later unannounced. But that's a whole different can of worms…which I'll open in a moment.

He was a good man, even with all His hang-ups. I guess in His own way, He was attempting to right the wrongs when He came back into our lives… He was tryin' to do right by Adam…and by Me.

After all…this is John Winchester I'm talkin' about…

* * * * *

I was Seven years old when he came into our lives. I didn't like him at first, mostly because he was Male and I'd always had a big problem with men…so I ignored him when he tried to befriend me. Mom, or Kate rather, wasn't entirely too happy with my reaction, but she understood me in all my young complexity and explained to him that I was extremely weary of men. So in an attempt to gain my good graces, he gave me my space… But you know, even at seven I knew there was somethin' about him…different I guess. He had told my mother he was a mechanic, which explained his beautiful '67 Impala. And even at that age… I had completely and utterly fallen in love with that car.

But I knew there was something else he was hiding from us…

John didn't know how to handle me when he came into our lives. I was calculating, bad tempered, quiet and very distrusting. He'd have this look on his face when he looked into my eyes. Told me, when I finally stopped hiding from him, on more then one occasion that I reminded him of someone…and when I finally asked who…

He never did answer my question…just smiled and changed the subject.

As much as I didn't want to get attached to him…I did. John had become a Father to me, though I never told him that, I think he knew…

Then things changed, as it always did…

John left and I felt very betrayed and very angry…but then something else happened that only made me more closed off.

Namely when Mom got pregnant…with Adam.

I wasn't the little girl anymore…and to be perfectly honest, I never had been. She adopted me when I was about Nine months old, just three months after the loss of my blood relatives. Never told me the details of what happened to my parents…just that there was a fire and that God had made sure that my Guardian Angel carried me to safety. I was small so I believed her about the Angel… Until time went by and I began to understand that God was no more a myth than Santa Clause or that damned Easter Bunny. I was very cynical…for as far back as I can remember.

Kate was the only thing I knew, my only family. Just me and her…for seven whole years.

Until John drove into town with that terrible black beast of his…and left…leaving us a parting gift named Adam.

Big surprise there. I wasn't stupid, I knew how babies were made…and god how I hated her for it. Yeah, I can admit it…I hated the woman who was the only mother I had ever known. I was angry and hurt that she was suddenly having a baby and I was forced to be the older sibling. I'd resented Adam too…because he was blood to both them, Kate and John…which meant I really wasn't a part of the family. Forced to feel like the outcast again. Really screwed up for seven year old to think…but I wasn't like the other kids in that small, Minnesotan town. Never had been. Used to get in trouble all the time…but that's another story.

Now, around the time Adam was Twelve, he started buggin' Mom to get a hold of John.

That was my fault. I slipped one day, irritated because he wouldn't shut up about something and out of pure spite, (mostly to piss off our mother) I mentioned that I knew who his father really was. Ya…heh, Whoops. I was angry that Kate had hidden that from him and expected me to do the same. She didn't have to be the one to constantly change the subject when he asked me, "Where's Daddy?" with those big gentle eyes of his pleading with me to tell him the truth that had been kept from him.

So I told him and got an earful from Kate later that night after my little slip. That was just more fuel for the fire, making it easier for me to finally unload on her. I was very angry, cooped up and pretty much tired of her bullshit. I'd loved the woman, she was the only Mother I'd ever known. But to force me to grow up so young because she was a single parent, I know that wasn't her fault…it was misplaced anger that was due to John's absence. The person who deserved my wrath was nowhere to be seen, so I took it out on her.

And sadly, at the time, I really didn't give a shit because I was in a very bad place emotionally. The tension between me and Kate had reached its peek and I was doing everything and anything to get her to hate me…so it wouldn't hurt her when I finally took off. My mind was convinced that it would be better if she was glad that I was gone, rather than her be a complete and utter mess. I loved my mother…I didn't want her to mourn my absence the way I had when John practically abandoned us.

Like I've said, I was nothin' like any of the kids I'd grown up with. I despised Minnesota, practically loathed the Mid West…

And was about to take off the very day an Old Friend decided to show up at our doorstep.

* * * * *

Adam was in school, Mom was at work…I was the only one at the house. It was the very day I had finally gotten my bags packed and was about to just walk out on my family without even a note as to where I was going… It wasn't there fault…I loved them, especially my little goofball Adam…but I had to leave, for good.

Being preoccupied with getting everything to my car, I had just reached the welcome mat when I finally brought my eyes forward and stopped…completely unable to move. I just stood there with the door wide open, bags in my hands when I dropped them at my feet. A Tsunami of mixed emotions washed over me, clenching my throat and caused the muscles in my chest to tighten painfully as if I were being squeezed to death by an Anaconda.

Seeing him standing there…not as tall as I remembered him being…just looking at me, almost in awe of me… I felt small beads of sweat break out along my upper lip and forehead. I think I was in shock and felt like I was in some kind of terrible dream that I was unable to wake from.

And when his voice touched my ears, I felt my heart drop…

"Tora?" He rumbled out in what sounded like a father who was astonished at seeing how big his daughter had gotten from a long absence and proceeded to slip his hands from the pockets of his jacket.

I was stunned to hear him call me by that name. No one else had called me that…not since I'd first met him.

I remember that when I was seven, I had told him that Tora was my real name, even though Mom was hell bent on callin' me Jane. Because you see, the real name I had been given at birth was Tora Balam Morgan before my mother adopted me and changed my name to Jane Natasha Milligan. Never understood why she had told me that truth all those years ago. But she was never the kind of woman to keep secrets from me…

I also remember telling John that when I was old enough, I'd have my name changed back… God, that was so long ago…

"Hello…John." I said slowly, carefully, my voice strained. I was afraid of letting out the surprise I felt…and the irritation that someone was, once again, stopping me from getting the hell outta dodge. But there was more to it than that… Seeing him brought up so many bad feelings and the last thing I wanted to do was snap and take his head off…even if he deserved it.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in a quiet voice that was controlled, the kind of tone a person uses when they're trying not to scream.

I could feel my pulse speed up when he took a step forward, getting closer and I felt the muscles in my spine tense. "Your mom called." John replied in that deep timber and I just searched his eyes with quiet suspicion.

"Okay." I said with a slight shake of my head in bitter disbelief and scooped my bags back up. I really wasn't in the right state of mind for any kind of reunion, "go on inside and make yourself at home. Kate should be off work in about five hours." I added quickly and went to walk passed him when he reached out and took my right wrist in his paw of hand, stopping me.

I let my eyes fall to where he was touching me and slowly raised them to his face, not masking the fury I felt at the sudden contact. I could sense through his touch that he'd missed me…one of my many strange sensory abilities. I could feel by the pulse in his flesh that he was unsure and slightly apprehensive of my reaction to him…and he had every right to be, because I was emotionally at the edge of an abyss that could either damn me or save my soul. And depending on how far I was pushed…well, you get my point.

He caught the look in my eyes and tried to use a softer tone on me, perhaps hoping it would disarm the growing animosity that was curling away from my body like smoke. "Kate?" He repeated my mother's name as a question and tried to search my eyes but was only met with anger. "Since when'd you start calling her by her first name?"

I was trying to keep a level head when I answered his question, "Last year when I turned eighteen and legally had my name changed back to Tora Balam Morgan." Inwardly, I was relieved that my voice remained calm even though I could feel a swell of irritation rising into my chest. Which I got under control because I didn't have time to stand there and pick a fight. I wanted to leave and John was merely in my way.

"Look, I appreciate the sentiment, but it's really none of your concern and it's not something I want to bring up again, so if you'll excuse me." I added and went to start walking away when he stopped me, again.

"Now wait a second…" John said and met my narrowed gaze. "I didn't come all this way just for your mother."

I gave him a strained smile and quipped, "I know. You're here for your Son." I emphasized the word Son and watched his jaws clench, which meant I'd hit a nerve. "I'm sure he'll be _ecstatic _to see you."

I didn't wait for his response. I didn't want to hear it. I just wanted to leave. So with that in mind, I tried to get passed him again, but he stopped me by gently taking me by the shoulders, turned me toward him and placed his hands over mine.

"Tora, stop." He said in a soft voice and held my gaze, "you're forgetting someone."

"You're not here for me John, we both know that." I replied in a cold voice but he wouldn't let up. Stubborn sonuvabitch. "Would you please let me go? I've got somewhere I need to be."

There was so much patience in his eyes as he looked down at me. "Kate will be home in five hours, correct?" John asked and all I could do was nod to his question. Without my permission, he took the bags from my hands and added, "Then how about you at least spend four hours with me?"

I sighed through clenched teeth. There was no use arguing with the man. "Fine." I snapped softly in defeat and a brilliant smile fell over his lips, one that actually touched his eyes. "Four hours John and that's it. I'm gone."

He nodded, appearing very pleased with himself. "Sounds good to me." John replied and motioned for me to go ahead of him back into the very house I was trying to get away from.

I don't get it…he was being incredibly patient with me and I was just being…well, a bitch. Maybe he knew me better then I knew myself…

* * * * *

We went inside and I led him to the kitchen and I offered him a beer out of courtesy. He paused and asked, "Want one?"

I gave him a funny look and said, "Kate usually pitches a fit if I snag one. You know, the whole not being Twenty-one yet."

John took the beer I offered, then reached passed me into the fridge, retrieved another one and met my curious gaze. "You're Nineteen and as far as I'm concerned, if you're old enough to serve your country, you're old enough to drink." He mused and handed me a cold one.

I took the bottle, grew a slight smile and chimed, "I like your logic." before popping the cap with ease which received a curious look from John as we sat at the table. Once seated across from him I couldn't help but notice the funny expression he was giving me.

"What?" I asked in a voice that was less defensive and fought the urge to bite my bottom lip out of nervous habit. I knew that I probably looked very different from the little girl he remembered with the long pig tails and weary eyes. "It's my look, isn't it?" I asked and watched a slightly embarrassed smile grace his lips.

"Well it's not bad," he replied calmly and motioned with his hand to the right side of his nose and his right ear, "that's just a lot hardware you're wearing."

I let out a small laugh, enjoying his reaction because it was genuine curiosity for my piercings, rather than the usual dirty look I was used to getting from everyone else in that small town. "Well you remember me with the normal pierced ears," I said and he nodded, "I just added on to them. Put five more in this ear," I motioned to my right ear with all the small silver loops and gently tapped on my nose, "and did this about two years ago."

"You did them yourself?" He asked, brows shot up in surprise.

I nodded, "of course. Think I had the money to go out and pay for it? Or that Kate would allow it?" I added, took a sip of my beer and swallowed, "you want something done right you've got to do it yourself. So I did."

He shook his head, a strange look in his eyes, "I wouldn't have been very happy about it, but I know you would've done it anyway." John explained looking into my eyes, "I can just imagine how Kate felt about it." He added thoughtfully and I smirked.

"Oh yea…she wanted to kill me," I laughed and shook my head, "went off about the dangers of contamination to my blood, especially with this one," I pointed to the smallest silver loop that adorned my nose, "said that an infection would go straight to my brain." I paused long enough to release the small laugh from my throat, took another drink of my beer and added, "after a few weeks she mellowed out, got used to it and actually thought about getting it done herself."

This made John laugh. "Seriously? Wow… That's funny." He rumbled out, taking another sip of his cold one and gave me curious eyes, "and I like your hair…it's uh, different."

I blinked and looked up, as if I could see it and chuckled, running a hand through the short bright red strands. "Uh yea… I cut it just a few days ago. I got tired of how long and plain it looked…so I dyed it fire engine red and had a friend of mine chop it off." I explained and watched a little smirk pull at the edge of his lips.

"Well, I like it." He announced in a warm tone and it was my turn to give him curious eyes, "the cut really frames your face… The color's a bit much, but I guess I'm just old fashioned…you always did have the most beautiful chestnut brown hair."

I'd managed a small, embarrassed smile on my lips and ran a nervous hand, once more, through my short bob. It was a nice change and I really did like it. It was feathered in the back, like a pixie cut and it came down into my face, just over my ears, framing my face. It was a lot easier to deal with in the morning when I had to get up and make sure Adam was getting ready for school. I remembered the look on Adam's face when I came home with the new haircut. He just blinked at me with those big blue eyes of his… He'd always loved my very long hair and once I'd mentioned I wanted to cut it he was very adamant that I wouldn't. So at first, I thought he was going to go off on me…but instead, he loved it. Said I looked like a bad ass version of Scully from The X-Files, a show we used to watch religiously together… I couldn't do anything but hug the little monster.

"Well, I'm glad you're not freaking out about my look. Kate's used to it, the squirt loves it. People in town however…" I trailed off, an ugly smirk on my lips, "gives'em more fuel to call me names when I'm not looking."

"Civilians around here don't understand people like us, Tora." he said getting my attention. "You've always been your own person, I experienced that first hand when I met you all those years ago…"

My jaws clenched, a slight tension hovering over our heads. His words, they hurt to hear them…and by the haunted look in his eyes, I knew he felt the sting too.

"I'm not that little girl anymore, John." I said softly hiding the pain I'd felt and tapped the cold edge of my beer with my black fingernails. "People change."

"Yes they do." He agreed and grew a smile that seemed almost…sad. "It's just…seeing you now, it's finally sinking in that you're all grown up." He replied in a voice that told me he was fighting his own inner struggle. "You gotta remember Tora, last time we sat here together…"

"I was just Seven." I said, finishing his thought for him. That's when the bitterness emerged and weaved like invisible fingers through my voice, not quite there…incredibly subtle but you could sense it when I added, "and that was a long time ago."

Again, that wounded emotion danced through his gaze. "Yes… yes it was." He stated in a softer tone, took a drink of the cold beer and watched me like a hawk when I chugged half the contents of mine.

I let out a soft breath and dropped the bottle against the table, "yup…" I clipped under my breath, not really happy that he was suddenly back. I never hated him if that's what you're thinking…I hated that he'd left us…and that I had let myself love him like he was my father only to be abandoned by him…which just added to my natural dislike of the male gender.

And now he was finally back in my life…sitting right across from me just like all those years ago. Right when I was ready to head out on my own…talk about bad timing. I'm sure the Fates were havin' a field day. Maniacal Bitches.

He grew a very thoughtful furrow and fiddled with a plain gold wedding ring on his left hand before looking up at me from across the table. "Tora…there's another reason why I showed up…I knew you'd be here. I knew your mom would be at work and that…Adam would be at school." He explained and I could feel my brow crease, my eyes holding a apprehensive look. "There's a few things we need to talk about, you and I." He said and the tone of his voice had changed, which actually caught my attention. "And it's about you."

I scoffed and set my hands on the table, fingers laced, a smart ass look on my face. "Really?" I chimed and his expression never changed…it was a little unnerving. The John I had seen around my mother had been always smiling, always helpful. But whenever he was alone with me, he was always very quiet…thoughtful. It bothered me, well in the sense that he was being more himself around me, then he ever had been around my Mother.

I grew a serious expression and said, "what is it John…because you've got that look."

I watched him quirk a brow. "I've got a look?" He asked.

"Yes… Whenever you had something important to tell me and wanted me to pay close attention, you got this look on your face." I replied matter-of-factly.

His brow creased for a moment and he actually chuckled. "Wow, you've got a good memory ." He said, a slight sparkle in his eyes.

A half smile danced across my lips and I nodded. "Never forgot." I said, a sad note hanging in my soft tone.

John caught it and suddenly his eyes…they filled with guilt. "I have information…" His words trailed off and I felt my throat tighten. He took a deep breath and added, "…about your parents."

A crease began to form between my brow. "Kate told me that they died in a fire." I said and watched him nod…but felt that there was more to it then just that. So I stated, softly, "…why do I get the feeling you're about to tell me that it wasn't an accident…"

His expression, one I'd never forgotten, had grown thoughtful. As if there were worlds of unspoken truths dancing behind his intelligent gaze, wanting me to understand…but not knowing how to begin. I could almost feel it, like a soft whisper of something greater than me, trailing along my spine…a wordless voice singing something that I could barely understand.

Finally, after a moment of silence, John drew in a slow breath and gave me his eyes. And in that one look…I knew that whatever words would follow…was going to change my life…forever.

* * * * *

He'd explained everything alright…told me who he really was.

He hadn't lied about being a Mechanic, that part had been true. But he was something else, called a 'Hunter' and that's how he'd met my mother, Hunting out here in Windom. John had filled me in on what being a Hunter entailed…and to my surprise…told me he'd already had children, two sons. Dean was twenty-four and Sam was twenty, just a few months older than me…who were also raised as Hunters, but Sam had decided to go off to college, to get out on his own. When I heard him say that, I felt for Sam…and realized why John was stalling me. Apparently, all those time's he'd told me I reminded me of someone… It was his boys. He also made a point to explain to me, that they had no idea about us…about Me, Kate and Adam. That even though he hated lying to his boys, he couldn't bare to tell them the truth.

"Why would you keep something like this from them? I can't believe you John…" I'd trailed off, suddenly very angry with him, "you've lied to us from the beginning."

"Tora, I'm not perfect… I didn't expect this to happen… Meeting your mother was pure luck." John was trying to explain but I wasn't backing off.

"Oh so that's your pitch? You're not perfect?" I scoffed, my brows shot up in disbelief, "So what, Kate was just another easy lay for you?" I spat through clenched teeth and watched him frown, guilt radiating in his eyes…but I could tell he was starting to lose his patience. "That's real manly of you John, takin' off to your Other Family after gettin' her knocked up."

"Now you watch yourself Tora." He said in a controlled voice, index finger of his right hand pointed at me for emphasis. "I'm not about to have an all out fight with you until you've heard my side."

"I think it's a little late for that, John." I snarled back, not caring that he could easily bench press my shorter frame. "You showed up all those years ago and bonded with me…then left without any fucking warning, practically abandoning us…and left us with a little bundle that I ended up raising because Kate couldn't stay home. She had to work."

"Would you hold on?" John finally barked, raising his voice enough to get my mouth to shut. I could see that he didn't want to resort to that by the way his eyes gleamed at me. "This is somethin' you can never tell your mother or Adam. Understand?"

I just blinked at him. "You're kidding right? You want me to LIE to them?" I replied allowing the utter disgust I felt show in my voice.

John closed his eyes and took a breath, struggling to keep his temper from showing. "No, that is not what I'm asking." He said slowly and opened his eyes, "I don't want them to know about my Hunting. Not ever. It's too dangerous and they'll be safer just living normal lives."

"So then why the hell are you telling me all of this John?" I asked and really didn't know what to think anymore.

"Because of who you are." He replied matter-of-factly and I blinked, confused.

"Yea that makes whole lotta sense." I chimed sarcastically and watched as he sighed while running a hand over his face.

He composed himself and began, "because of how your parents died…who they really were. They were Hunters Tora, just like me and my boys."

"So you're tellin' me I'm a freak because my dead parents chased monsters for a living?" I shot back softly, my emotions twisting in my stomach like thousands of worms devouring the belly of a corpse. "And that makes me what…a Hunter?" I paused and shook my head, "Yea, that seems totally rational."

When he just looked at me, not speaking, his expression hard and thoughtful… I knew he wasn't kidding. And it terrified me…because it made sense and I just didn't want to accept it.

I had to swallow down the last of my pride due to the humbling feeling running through me. I didn't want this, I hadn't asked for this. I knew I was different…I knew I wasn't like everyone else…but a Hunter? Yea and the tooth fairy is in league with Easter bunny…

* * * * *

Once I'd settled down enough to shut myself up and just listen… John explained his reasoning for why he'd kept so much from the people he'd loved.

He'd told me about what happened to his wife, Mary…about the fire that took her life… And told me it was linked to me as well. John also explained he'd wished that I could've been spared from that part of his life…but because of my parents… The strange events that brought him to my Mother all those years ago…that our lives were meant to be intertwined. As if Fate had some say in it…

Like I said, Maniacal Bitches.

John also mentioned that I was linked to his Sons…especially Sam. He wouldn't get into it and I decided to not push the issue…I just didn't have the energy. But I knew there was so much more he'd wanted to say and couldn't get himself to do so. As though he'd said too much already. Maybe he thought I wouldn't believe him or that I wouldn't be able to handle it…but that wasn't the case at all. There was a lot about me he didn't know about…strange things…

At least, that's what I'd told myself.

Because he said something that no one, and I mean no one, ever knew about. That I was different…and I don't mean in the way I dressed or my choice of music or the fact that I was the biggest pain in the ass he'd ever known. John had known about my…special talents. Things that I could never show anyone…or I'd really be known as a freak…

He knew and he hadn't seen me since I was just Seven years old. How the hell did he know when he was never there? How did he know that I felt things differently? That when I sensed something, felt the hair rise on the back of my neck…that I could summon…

How did he know?

* * * * *

Time passed quickly after everything we'd discussed and I finally noticed it was an hour until my mom was gettin' home. I still wanted to get the hell out. I didn't want to be there…I just couldn't handle that life anymore. Especially after everything I'd learned…

Honestly…I just never felt as though I fit in…that I was some kind of outcast, even if Kate never treated me that way. And from the things he'd told me, I knew for the first time my life…that I'd been right all along. And getting away from that fake normalcy was my only choice.

The only thing that would really change my mind and keep me there…was Adam. Sure he wasn't blood, but to me…he was more like a son to me, only because I'd practically raised him because Mom had to work and I was the only one that could help. Kate knew how protective I was over him, knew that I'd hunt someone down and beat the ever-livin' hell outta them for just lookin' at him wrong.

That's why I wanted to leave when he was still in school. So I wouldn't have to see his face, tears in his eyes while he begged me to stay. I just couldn't handle that. I loved the little squirt too much to see him in pain like that. Not that leaving without a word was any better…I just…needed to get away. It wasn't their fault, Kate and Adam I mean… I just, felt like I was missing something and a voice deep down inside told me it was out there…and all I had to do, was get in my car and go find it.

But I hadn't left yet…due to John still being there… I suppose a part of me wanted to spend as much time with the old man as possible. Seeing as he'd been missing from my life for the past Twelve years. And knowing what I knew…how he'd left, lying the way he had… I suddenly understood I had more in common with him then I ever thought possible.

Still…it would never make it right.

So I sat there at the table across from John, fiddling with one of the silver rings on my right hand, unable to get myself to look up at the man sitting on the other end of the table… I knew he was watching me…I could feel it.

"Wanna tell me why you're really leaving?" John asked in that deep timber and got my attention.

I let out a sigh. "I don't belong here John…" I began with a strained voice and averted my gaze to the empty bottle on the table. "I feel like I'm trapped here, unable to really be myself. Like I should be out there, doing something…helping people." I said and brought my eyes to his, "And now from what you've told me… I know I need to get out. Heh…weird, right?"

He looked at me for a long time, thoughts running behind his eyes when he finally said, "No…it's not weird."

"So I leave and I'm supposed to be a Hunter like you…where do I go? It's not like I've got any experience or someone to teach me the trade. From what you've told me, Hunters sound solitary and I'm betting they ain't too friendly to newbies." I rambled, my voice pitching just slightly because I really didn't know what the hell I was supposed to do. "I can't go with you, and you sure as hell can't help me here. So where the hell am I supposed to go?"

He sighed and took a drink of his beer. "Here…" He said and pulled out a piece of paper and pen and scribbled something on it before handing it to me. "Call this number, her name's Ellen Harvelle. Tell her John gave you this number and she'll help."

"Thanks…" I took the piece of paper and pocketed it in my jacket so I wouldn't forget. "Don't mention to her or anyone, about anything we've talked about…right?" I muttered in a low voice and watched him nod, his eyes weary and seeming so very tired.

"I can't believe this…" I added softly, took the empty bottles from the table, stood and proceeded to drop them in the trash. I stood there for a moment, my back facing John and felt a terrible sense of unease swim through me.

And just as I was about to turn and mutter my final goodbye, the front door opened and closed with a loud clang and I could hear the distinct voice of Adam filling the air.

"Jane! You better not have one of your guy friend's over. You know I won't tell her but if she comes home and sees that car out there, mom'll kill you…" His voice faded when he entered the kitchen, his backpack slung over his left shoulder. "Uh…Jane?"

I turned to see John still sitting at the table, his fingers laced as he rested his arms on the table, his eyes on Adam…

"It's alright squirt." I replied casually and walked over to the sink so I could lean my weight on it, my hands in the pockets of my jeans. I couldn't help but grow a smile when I saw him standing there… He was my adorable, dorky baby brother. "Have a good day at school?"

He gave me weary blue eyes before eyeing the stranger sitting at the table. "Uh Yea…" He replied slowly, really unsure of the man sitting just a few feet away from him. "Jane, who's…?"

I gave a sad smile and cut him off, "remember how you've been buggin' mom?" I asked and at first, Adam gave me confused eyes. I waited and watched as he worked out the equation in his head until the look of realization dawned across his young face.

"Really?" He asked in a meek voice and I nodded.

"Really." I said and motioned with my hand to John, "Adam, this is John Winchester…your father."

Instead of hanging around for the family reunion… I walked out of the kitchen, gave Adam (who was still in shock) a quick hug and kissed him on the top of his head before heading for the front door.

It wasn't cowardice that forced me to hurry and get the hell out…I just had to leave as quickly as possible before my female body took over my brain and caused the waterworks to start up. Ever since I was big enough to talk, I'd never been very…girly. I was very much a tomboy…so when I felt my emotions threatening to make me tear up, I'd leave. Which is exactly why I was already out the door.

I grabbed my bags and hauled them to the driveway where I noticed the old black '67 parked next to my white '70 Impala. I eyed the beast carefully, enjoying its lines as I unlocked the driver's side door to my car, opened it, reached inside and unlocked the back door so I could throw my stuff inside. I remember it being so much bigger…like some dark, mechanical beast on wheels…but I was a lot shorter back then…

As I was closing the back door and making sure it was locked I sensed someone walking up behind me.

"Adam already in the shower?" I asked, my back still facing him when I finally turned around to meet John's eyes.

"Yea how'd you know that?" John inquired while peering around me to the white beast I stood next to.

"I've taught Adam to jump in the shower as soon as he got home because I didn't want his stink all over the house." I replied with a slight smile and leaned back against my car. "He's gonna be hittin' puberty soon and I'd rather he by hygienically friendly then smellin' like last weeks garbage."

John grew a smile that appeared to be impressed when he said, "Sounds very military."

"I've been told that." I answered softly and shifted my weight from one foot to the other.

"So this beast is yours?" He asked and we both knew he was stalling me…again.

"Of course." I said and smirked, crossing my arms. "You think Kate would part with her little minivan?" I chimed and watched him give a small smile. "Hell, she was pissed when I first brought her home. Said she was gonna be too much work for a young woman my age."

"When was this?" John asked and made a point to lean back against the frame of his '67, mirroring me.

I smiled, "Last year. Been workin' on her ever since." I said and gently patted the back door with my left hand, "finally got her ready for the road."

"So you're leavin' then." He stated and I nodded. "You're not going to say goodbye to Adam?"

I narrowed my eyes, clenched my jaws, inwardly fighting back the flood of tears that wanted to blur my vision. "I'll call him when I reach where I'm goin'." I replied and shifted my weight from my right foot to my left. "Besides…they don't need me anymore. Adam's old enough to get back and forth from school without injury, knows how to feed and cloth himself. He also knows how to protect himself because I wouldn't let him be a punching bag for bullies. And hey, with me gone…it'll make it easier on Kate. One less mouth to feed, you know? So it works out."

John had that thoughtful look on his face again before he asked, "still got that piece of paper?"

"Yea," I said and dug it out of the pocket I stuffed it in.

"Can I see it for a second?" John asked so I handed it to him. I watched as he scribbled something else on the back and went to hand it back to me when he paused and locked eyes with me, "You want to learn how to be a Hunter, call this number."

I furrowed my brow and looked at the number along with the name. "Bobby?" I asked and got a very strong sense of familiarity with that name. So before I could stop myself I said, "good friend of yours?"

John didn't show the surprise he felt when he looked at me. "That's right." John replied, "we're not exactly on the best terms right now…but you can trust him. If you tell him how you got his number, tell'em only that I'd sent you and make him swear to keep it close to the chest. Bobby's a stubborn sonuvabitch and won't like it, but he'll understand."

I nodded and slipped the piece of paper back into my jacket and went to get into my car when John reached over and took hold of my arm stopping me. I turned my head and looked up, giving him a quirked brow.

He smiled and asked, "you gonna at least give this old man a hug before you leave?"

I searched his eyes, knowing he was never good with goodbye. I turned toward him and tried to keep my emotions from flooding to the surface.

I sighed, shaking my head and finally wrapped my arms around him. Before I knew it, John was holding me like it was the last time he was ever going to see me. Instead of recoiling or pulling away, I embraced the closeness, letting him know without words…that I had missed my Dad…

"Take care, old man." I said playfully, hiding the tension in my voice by clearing my throat. "Tell Kate…Mom…I just needed my space, that I'll be alright and I'll visit."

John nodded his head but kept his arms wrapped around me when he replied, "I will…but I only ask that the day you meet my boys, don't…"

He trailed off for a moment so I finished his thought for him. "I won't tell them even though I don't think it's right." I said and could feel him struggle with his emotions, "It'll be alright John. I promise."

He pulled away then and it was the first time I had ever seen tears in his eyes. It broke my heart to see it, so I kept my composure and gave him a genuine smile, telling him that I understood.

"You take care of yourself, understand?" John chimed, his voice a tad bit raspier then before. "No pickin' up any stragglers, no matter how desperate they seem. You just keep driving and don't look back."

The ferocity of his words really got to me. "Easy John, I know what I'm doing." I said, my brow furrowed, "I'm a big Girl and if you remember, I've never been afraid of the things that go bump in the night."

He thought about what I just said and let out a half hearted chuckle, "I remember." He said and his eyes became haunted, "this is different Tora…those things are real…and they won't think twice about killing you."

Hearing him say that brought a small stream of bile up into the back of my throat. I made a face, hiding the fear I was feeling at his warning and added, "I know."

"I'm not trying to scare you, I just want you safe." He explained and paused as his eyes softened, "you're going into a dangerous way of life now Tora…and it's anything but safe. Especially for a young woman. I just want you to take care of yourself and when you meet Bobby, you listen to that old man. He knows the trade and he's the best Hunter I know."

I nodded, "I will." I replied and thought of something. "I uh, kinda…snagged your number after Kate called you… Mind if I give you ring every once in awhile to let you know I'm alive?" I asked and watched a small smile pull at his lips. "In case you visit Adam and he asks how I'm doin'…"

John stuck his hands in his pockets. "Don't see how it could hurt." He replied and I couldn't help but mirror the smile he gave me.

* * * * *

The last thing I saw while driving away…was the look in his eyes. There were so many emotions just looking back at me…so much pain. I wonder now if I should've stayed…maybe just for a little longer.

Maybe I could have stopped what happened to Mom and Adam so many years later…maybe…

* * * * ***End Part One*** * * * *


	2. Part 2 :: Adam's Death, Dean's Rage

**Seven Years Later**

I don't know what possessed me to do it… But one night, I was awakened by one helluva nightmare that eventually caused me to jump on the road at 3 o'clock in the morning, and drove like a bat outta hell from Yellow Stone…all the way back to Windom, Minnesota.

So I pulled my now waist length hair back into a bun, decided to leave my signature nose ring out incase I had to get up close and personal, and got dressed. My usual long sleeved black shirt, pair of dark jeans, worn hiking boots and my coat and I was out the door.

I'd phoned Bobby at around 4:30am because he was the only person I could call at that ungodly hour.

"You got any idea what time it is Tora?" He rumbled on the other end and I smirked.

"I know Bobby, I'm sorry…but I had a nightmare." I said and there was a pause…which meant he'd just stopped himself from making a smart ass comment.

"A bad one?" He asked in a careful tone, sounding more awake.

I nodded but realized we we're talking on the phone and he couldn't see me. Guess I wasn't that awake either, "Real bad Bobby…which is why I called." I replied and decided that at the next open mart or all night diner I found, I'd stop in real quick to get a coffee to go.

"You're on the road I take it?" He asked and I noticed a diner up ahead…that appeared to be open.

"Since 3:00am. I'm about to pull off and get a coffee so I don't accidentally run over Bambi." I chimed and slowed the beast down so I could pull into the gravel driveway without tearing up my suspension.

I heard Bobby chuckle, "ya I'm sure Thumper would appreciate it." He said causing to me to laugh, "Where you headin' to?" He asked the obvious question as I parked in a big spot and shut off the engine.

"Windom Minnesota. Got a real…bad feeling and need to go by the old house." I explained and rubbed the strain out of my eyes.

I could hear him sigh on the other end and said, "I don't know why you won't let me get a hold of the boys. You know they'd be willin' to help you."

This made me slump in my seat. "I can't…not yet. And you promised Bobby…" I was beginning to say when the old Hunter cut me off.

"You know damned well when I make a promise I intend on keepin' it." he spat and I just brought my right hand to my forehead, tired and in desperate need of caffeine. "I just don't like this, any of it."

I sighed and murmured, "I know."

"It ain't right Tora and you know it, don't care what you promised to John." Bobby announced over the line and I knew he was gettin' angry, "I don't like keepin' secrets from these boys, they deserve the truth. And you'd be better off havin' them on your side rather then runnin' around on your own."

"Bobby…you know I love you, you're the closest thing I've got to a father…but could you spare me the parental speech? I'm damn near twenty-six years old and I've been doin' this for seven years now, been takin' care of myself for even longer then that…" I was trying to explain in my own defense when I heard him huff.

"You know, sometimes Tora…you act more like John then his own boys." When he said that…I didn't know whether that was a compliment or an insult…and when it came to Bobby, it was a bit of both.

I didn't call him to get into argument, I was worried about Adam and the longer I sat there, the worse the feeling got. Bobby had only just learned the truth three weeks prior to my nightmare. After watching over me as if I were his own flesh in blood, for seven years…I sprung the truth on him…and no, Bobby was not happy about it… Got real drunk and blamed John for the hell I and John's boys had been goin' through. Guess that bad blood never did get better…

"I'm gonna go Bobby…I need coffee and sittin' here isn't getting me anywhere." I said softly and knew he sensed that he'd stung me. "And I'm takin' the Polaroid with me…"

He was quiet for a long time…I think I'd just surprised him. "I'll call you later…just, be safe." He replied and the line went dead.

I left my phone in the car as I got out, locked her up and ran inside, ordering a fresh cup of strong coffee to go.

Something was pushing me to get home as quickly as possible…and the amazing thing is, I didn't get tired once on that long drive home. I just knew that I had to get there…because something was very wrong.

But by the time I did…it was already too late.

* * * * *

It was dark by the time I'd gotten into Windom. I'd been on the road for hours and the adrenaline pumping through my blood kept me very alert…and nervous. I wanted to drive by the house…but something told me, like my nightmare, to keep driving… That what I was looking for, started at the old cemetery.

When I got there, I found what I was looking for.

Two tall young men, carrying something to the one car I hadn't seen in years.

My heart was in my throat…because I knew what precious cargo they were carrying….so I stayed back until they started driving off and began following. I allowed a few cars to get ahead of me so they wouldn't catch me trailing them.

Now think about it, you're driving a classic car and just happen to have a slightly younger model right behind you…ya, they would notice. Especially at night, with my white beast sticking out like a sore thumb with every pair of headlights that drove by.

I was a good distance behind but kept my eye on them…until the taillights turned right, onto an unmarked road going into the forest. I turned onto the unpaved path and shut off my lights so they wouldn't see me coming. I drove nice and slow, getting closer to their position until I watched them stop. So I pulled a little off to the side in a gap between two old trees that seemed to be a godsend. I shut her off, collected a few…essentials that fit nicely under the long length of my black trench coat, closed the door as quietly as possible and traveled on foot the rest of the way.

I crept up on them nice and quiet as they began to build something. As I edged closer, I noticed what they were doing…especially when they placed a slender body, wrapped like a mummy on top of the small pillar of wood.

I watched in silence, now no more than twenty feet away, off to their right… As the shorter of the two doused the body in lighter fluid… And I heard him, his voice low and yet so familiar.

He'd said Adam was a Winchester…and that he'd died like a Hunter.

And something the taller one said…about Adam being their brother.

I held my breath as they lit the body on fire, the flames licking against the darkness, illuminating their features in an angry red light.

My legs began to move before I could stop myself… And it was right at the end of their conversation…

* * * * *

"I'll take that as a compliment." The taller one replied, hands in the pockets of his coat as he stood to the left of the shorter one.

His face…there was pain there when he muttered, "You can take it anyway you want."

They didn't notice me until I spoke… Causing them to whip their eyes to the right as if I were some ghost. "How?" I asked, keeping my voice even…hoping the heartbreak I felt didn't spill forth in waves of unwanted tears. "How'd he die?"

Before I knew it, I had guns pointed at me. "The hell are you?" The shorter one, (who was actually six foot one) snarled at me, his green eyes shooting unmasked distrust in my direction.

I kept my hands in the deep pockets of my trench coat, my right hand fiddling with an old piece of paper taped to the back of an old Polaroid I'd kept with me since Adam's 15th birthday. The last time I saw my family altogether…and John.

I sighed and tried to hold myself together while tears stung my vision as I watched my baby brother's lifeless body burn within the dancing flames. "I thought he'd call me, you know?" I began, my resolve crumbling as a tear fled my left eye. "Hell, I just talked to him a two weeks ago. He was so excited about going pre-med and really wanted to see me…" I said and trailed off, my voice breaking. I cleared my throat and added, "was gonna come out and visit him and Kate…surprise'em, ya know?"

I didn't look up when I felt them exchange a look and began inching toward me, guns still drawn.

"Hands where we can see'em." The shorter one growled and it was the taller one (who was six foot four in a half) that caught my gaze when I finally looked up.

"Nice and easy." The taller one said in a less commanding tone, but by the look in his eyes, I knew he'd shoot me without a second thought.

I did as asked and let the Polaroid fall out of my pocket right as they approached me. "Okay…" I muttered in a weak whisper and didn't make a point to wipe away the tears that freefell from my face.

They paused at the picture, seeing as it landed face up. The shorter one kept his barrel trained on me as the taller one reached down and brought the photo into view. "Dean…" He said in a low voice and got the shorter one's attention.

"What?" He asked and noticed what the taller one was trying to show him. His eyes went wide, "You've gotta be shittin' me…" Dean exclaimed and snatched the picture for closer inspection.

"Adam, John…and me." I said and kept my arms up, even though a slight tremble started rolling through me and it wasn't from the strain. "Last time all of us spent time together." I said softly and gave a sad smile when Dean's arm started to lower, allowing me to drop my arms.

"What's your name?" The taller one…I remembered, his name was Sam. Which meant he was the baby brother…he was a year older than me.

"Adopted name was Jane Natasha Milligan… Had that changed the year I turned Eighteen back to Tora Balam Morgan." I replied and sensed they were on edge. I didn't blame them for that. "Now please…tell me what happened to my baby brother…"

Suddenly Dean was in my face with the barrel of his gun pressed at the center of my forehead. I didn't react when he pushed the picture in my face and growled, "You're lying!"

"Dean!" Sam exclaimed but it was no use.

"No Sam!" Dean barked and pushed the barrel painfully against my skull. "I'm done with it. The lies, the shape shifters, the ghouls, the demons…all of it!" His eyes filled with an emotion I couldn't place when I felt the heat of his breath dance across my face. "I don't care who you are…"

"Do it…" I growled softly cutting him off and gave Dean defiant eyes. "I've got nothin' left. Without family I'm as good as dead anyway, so do me the favor and squeeze the fucking trigger."

Just as the rage began to fill Dean's hazel green eyes a phone went off…

"Sam." Dean rumbled out and I watched as Sam reached over into Dean's coat and pulled out a cell phone that was blasting classic rock.

"It's Bobby…" Sam announced and took the call, his voice strained, "Hey Bobby." Sam exclaimed, hit speaker phone and kept shifting his weary eyes from me to his angry brother.

"'Bout damned time." I could hear Bobby's voice rumble on the other end, "you boys need to keep your phones on when someone's tryin' to get a hold of you."

Dean tilted his head back and said, "Kinda busy Bobby."

I could hear Bobby sigh, "I figured…" He said and trailed off for a moment, and when he began again…the boys gave me strange eyes. "Tora, I take it you're indisposed?"

"Kinda got a gun to my head at the moment…but other then that, just peachy." I chimed sarcastically and felt a shiver run through Dean's arm that danced through the gun, probably leaving a nice mark on my forehead from the unrelenting pressure.

Suddenly Bobby's voice bellowed, "Dean ease back and give the poor girl some space!"

Their expressions were priceless…as I waited, semi-patiently, for Dean to finally back off. He did, just very slowly, and kept the gun trained on me. "The hell is goin' on Bobby?!" Dean asked, his voice rough from emotions he was trying to control.

I immediately rubbed the area where his barrel had been pressed against and snatched the Polaroid from his hand. "This Picture, is of Adam on his 15th birthday, John and see the girl? Huh?" I exclaimed pointing my finger at the picture to emphasize my point. "That's Me. And if you'd taken a friggin' second to read the back, it would have told you that." I snapped, my voice low and irritated.

Bobby's voice filled the air. "That the Polaroid?" He asked me and I nodded, but realized he couldn't see me.

"Yes." I replied and pocketed the picture before someone threw it in the fire.

"Boys, I'm gonna need you to listen." Bobby began and paused long enough for Sam and Dean to pay attention. "This here, is Tora Morgan. And no, she ain't yer sister. Yes, she's a Hunter…you can thank your Daddy for that." Right as he said that, Dean shot me a glare but Sam gave me calculating eyes. They exchanged an odd look when Bobby's voice cut back in. "I'm sure ya'll got a lot of catchin' up to do, so play nice or I'm gonna drive out there and smack you both upside the head, ya hear me?"

The boys made faces and I smirked.

"Well?" Bobby asked, waiting for a response.

In unison the boys replied, "yes Bobby."

"Well alright then… Tora, now don't you forget to haul that beast of yours out here for those parts." Bobby exclaimed and I chuckled.

"Yea, yea… I know." I said and got another weird look from the brothers. "See ya Bobby."

"Uh huh…damn kids." He said and the line went dead.

I watched as Sam looked to his brother and handed him the cell phone. Dean retrieved it and placed it in the left pocket of his jeans, gun still in hand and gave me weary eyes.

I was about to add something when I got a face full of holy water. I blinked and wiped the cold water from my eyes. "Okay…understandable." I said in a flat tone and gave Dean a glare that would haunt the devil. "Silver?" And just as I chimed this, Sam held a weird knife out to me, which I allowed him to place, flat side of the cool metal, against the palm of my hand. When there was no reaction, he took it back and I brought my hands up, knuckles facing out, flashing the eight silver rings that adorned my fingers. They exchanged another quick look. "Christo." I bit out and they noticed my eyes remained normal. "I'm not a demon, nor a shape shifter, or a ghost, and I'm sure as hell not a Ghoul. Got anythin' else you wanna test me with, besides my patience?"

"If you're who you say you are… Why weren't you here when your family needed you?" Dean snarled out at me, his eyes continuing to shoot daggers of distrust my way.

His words cut me deep but I didn't allow him the satisfaction. Instead, I grew what I knew was a very unpleasant smile and growled back, "You know as well as I do that Hunting takes you far from home and I just happened to be tracking a Kishi Demon near Yellowstone for the last month and a half. I would've been home sooner had the sonuvabitch not gone into hiding once he picked up my scent!"

"Kishi Demon…" Dean spat with a disbelieving tone of voice and scoffed, "that's made up." he said looking over to Sam and then gave me his eyes, "You're makin' that up."

My mind went into research mode and when I opened my mouth, information spilled forth on a wave of anger. "The Kishi is an Angola, two-faced, Demon hill species. He has a gorgeous human face that attracts his female victims while his true face, hidden behind a great deal of very long black hair on the back of his head, is that of a demonic hyena with jaws you can't pry open with a car jack once it's clamped down on something. They're highly charming, intelligent, cunning and incredibly ruthless once the killing starts. It was pickin' up young women at rest stops along the highway." I paused when Dean gave me a smug, 'I don't buy your bullshit' look.

I rolled my eyes and continued, "These bastards reel their sweet little meal in with that oh so heavenly face, and once he's got his prey alone, his head pulls a full on exorcist, the human face suddenly hidden within that long hair and he then proceeds to chomp down on the poor girl…starting with her face…while she's still very much alive."

"If it's as bad as you've described it to be," Sam began to say, the chaos of his emotions dancing through his eyes with the firelight that illuminated the dark in a strange hellish glow and inquired, "Then how'd you kill it?"

I turned my attention to him, because unlike his smug looking, smart ass of an older brother, he was actually interested in what I had to say. "I got lucky." I replied matter-of-factly and heard Dean scoff, again. This pissed me off, "You got somethin' to add?" I spat in Dean's direction and watched his eyes narrow.

"Sure, you got lucky with your make-believe Angelina-Demon." He shot back in my direction and I quickly corrected him.

"It's _Angola_, Get it right…ya _idjit_." I barked between thinned lips and watched him roll his eyes at me.

"Whatever." He retorted, not missing a beat and then chimed, "miss little Hunter over here," he was motioning to me while looking to his brother Sam, "probably sprinkled some of that special kind of _crazy_ dust that's in her _crazy_ head and it magically went _poof_."

I took in a slow breath, knowing that my patience was just about depleted at this point and didn't want to end up beatin' the ever livin' shit-outta him with the blunt end of my sawed off, double barrel shotgun that sat just within the inner lining of my trench coat. Instead, I decided a demonstration was the best way to get my point across.

"No, _Sparky_," I chimed ever so sweetly and quickly slipped my hand inside the lining of my coat, retrieved the gauge and brought it out, "I had Ripley's help." My voice didn't have time to fade off into the trees when a massive shot rang out, piercing the calm with a short, deafening boom of firepower.

The base of one of the trees closest to Dean's head but just far enough away not to get him caught in the blast, exploded. He dropped down, hands covering his ears and immediately recovered, the whites of his wide gaze caused the green of his eyes to glitter like terrified jewels, "You fuckin' crazy?!" He hollered and began dusting the pieces of debris from his leather jacket. "You almost took my god damned head off!"

I let the hot barrels, the ends still streaming with small swirls of smoke, rest against my right shoulder (which was protected by the worn leather of my coat) and smirked. "If I _had_ aimed for your head, you wouldn't be standing here, yelling at me. Now would you?" I purred in that 'kiss my white ass' tone and watched his face screw up in a strange, disgruntled frown. Which would've been comical…had it been any other point in time.

"So you blew it's head off, big friggin' deal." Dean spat at me, inching away from the large hole still smoldering in the base of the tree, and got closer to his brother. "Anyone can do that."

"Actually, I didn't have time to blow its head off." I retorted in a poisonous sneer and watched his brows furrow in an angry line of confusion. "I dropped Ripley when I was ambushed by the flesh-eating sonuvabitch."

"Then why'd you just…" Sam interrupted and trailed off, the thumb and index finger of his right hand pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment.

"I got lucky." I repeated again, slower that time and noticed the confusion the brothers shared as they exchanged yet another look.

Dean looked to Sam, looked to me, his mind obviously working on over time, glanced over at the head sized hole in the tree, then back to me when his brows shot up. "Then what the hell was that for?!" Dean roared, clearly pissed that I could've blown his head clear off his shoulders.

I smirked and waited just long enough for the barrels to finally cool so I could slip the gauge back into the inner lining of my trench. "To shut you up so I could finish." I stated in a calm voice and slipped my now free hands into the deep pockets of my coat. "If I hadn't, you would've kept runnin' that mouth of yours." I added and motioned to Sam, "Unlike your little brother who's probably used to it, and considering the very bad day that I seem to continue having, I just honestly don't have the patience to put up with your bullshit."

"Huh." Sam chimed in a low voice, blinked impressed eyes at me and seemed to find my method not only effective, but amusing. "You were being a dick, Dean." He said in a softer voice and met with angry green eyes to his left. "I'm just sayin'."

Dean narrowed his eyes at his brother and seeing no remorse in Sam's gaze, he flapped his arms comically on his sides and huffed, "nice Sammy." he quipped with a nasty smile on his lips, "very nice… Say, when you're done sidin' with little miss buckets-of-crazy over there, why don't you just grab your shit and Walk to the next town over? How does that sound?"

I knew the one word that would make Dean give me his full and undivided attention, "Hey, Loser!" I exclaimed and got a deadly glare from Dean. "Why don't you just let up already?" My voice appeared more exhausted, seein' as I was pretty much done with his pigheaded behavior.

"Why don't you just shut the hell up?" Dean snarled in a careful voice and pointed an accusing finger at me, "because you're _really_ gettin' on my last nerve, Bitch."

I gave him a flat and very unimpressed look. "You honestly don't have a filter, do you?" I countered in a darker voice, finding Dean more and more irritating as time passed.

This time he took a step away from Sam and closer to me, his gait emitting a lot of very unpleasant vibes as he looked down into my eyes.

"Dean!" Sam called out to his brother and tried to clamp his big hand on his brother's shoulder, but Dean merely jerked away from his grasp, hell bent on gettin' in my face again. "Just let it go." Sam instructed while physically getting in his brother's way, placing himself between us.

"Move Sam." Dean bit out between clenched teeth but Sam wouldn't be persuaded otherwise.

Sam shook his head and calmly stated, "No." knowing that his big brother was almost at that dangerous level of snapping. "I'm serious Dean, this isn't the time or place to go off half-cocked."

Dean just looked up into his baby brother's serious eyes, clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and scoffed, his smile disbelieving. "No, _I'm_ serious Sam. _Move_." Dean ordered while glaring into his brother's defiant face and inched forward, noting to his dismay that Sam would not be moved. "God damn it Sammy move outta my way or _so help me_…"

Dean tried to quickly side step his little brother when Sam's left leg shot out, pushing Dean's legs out from underneath him, threw his arms out and latched onto Dean's shoulders, throwing him flat onto his back while pinning him with his weight. A soft thump sounded as they hit the moist forest floor.

"Damn it Dean!" Sam almost shouted and shook Dean's broad shoulders for emphasis as Dean gave him a stunned expression. "Enough!" Sam added, his face and tone softening as he pleaded to his big brother to just let it go. "Please?"

I watched from a safe distance as the honey red glow of the fire showered them in soft, warm light. Dean's expression melted from being stunned to a calm, controlled anger, a face I'd seen on John a few times in my young life. The resemblance I witnessed made my stomach screw up into painful knots, like a Viper's nest filled with hundreds of writhing, twisting, hatchlings tangled in a mess of hissing confusion. That's how my insides felt…completely warped and mangled at the look on Dean's face…a look I had burned into the back of my skull.

I didn't want them to fight. Not now…not after…

I'd shot my mouth off and gotten a typical Winchester response. I should've known Dean would be so much like his Father when it came to that god damned temper. John and I had gotten into a few spats, and even though they'd never escalated to this level, the way we bickered was in the same defiant fashion. I let my gaze drop to the tips of my boots, closed my eyes and with a deep breath, opened them and proceeded in silence, breathing out slowly, toward the pillar that continued to crackle softly, the flames licking the cold night air, unaffected by the argument between the living.

I swallowed, a hard lump of realization that this burning body, being reduced to nothing more then shadows and dust, was that of my precious baby brother…

I suppose my sudden silence had caught the brothers attention. I could sense Dean had a strong dislike for me but I wasn't phased by it. Sam had intervened, calm and controlled…another trait I'd personally experienced when John had to get my thickheaded attention. They were both so much like the man I had seen as a father…but of course, so very different.

I had become humbled as I stood so very close to the quiet inferno before me. My rage silenced by the sight of the second most important thing that had existed in my life…as it was now being consumed in the heat that danced wickedly a few feet in front of me. It almost felt like it was mocking me as it devoured the remains of my gentle hearted Adam…and I would never get that back…a chance to feel his arms around me as he hugged me after a long absence. Hearing him call me big sister when he was trying in desperation to break my attention away from a good horror movie. The look his big blue eyes would get when I'd bring him a small trinket I'd picked up on the road… It was never much, but he'd had always cherished the silly damned things I'd gotten him.

He never really asked me what it was that I did, or why it kept me from home for weeks and sometimes, even months at a time. Adam was just always so happy to see me when I had a chance to visit. I still don't understand why he'd looked up to me the way that he did… Maybe he understood how much I had to give up…my childhood for instance, forced to become an adult before I even understand the true meaning to the word puberty. Having to keep an eye on him, take care of him because Mom…Kate, had to work two god-forsaken jobs.

From the moment I was seven, up until my late teens I had the responsibility of raising the little squirt. I wasn't allowed the luxury of having any kind of life outside of him. I didn't go out to the movies or parties, I didn't go on dates or have a steady boyfriend. Not that I was all that interested, my options being few and far between. It was my responsibility to basically raise my little brother. And the funny thing is…even though I acted like it bugged me or that his presence irritated my very existence, I was actually fine with it.

I'd never liked outsiders anyway. The ones that tried in vain to force their friendship on me. They were all so incredibly plastic. Because I knew, I was known as the town's 'freak', the 'oddball', or my personal favorite, 'that creepy Milligan bitch'. To them, I was more of an _alien_ that needed probing and prodding to see how I worked.

There were only a very small handful of strangers I'd allowed into my life, composed of mostly gear heads and motor heads. Guys that were a lot like John and tended to drive my Mother crazy with their classic cars rumbling on the street at Two o'clock in the morning. But they were more like acquaintances then real friends.

The only true, genuine friend that accepted me for who I really was as person…was little Adam.

Of course there was John…but come on, the man disappeared every chance he got. When I left, I'd made friends with Bobby Singer, and surprisingly we'd bonded the first time we met. Maybe it was that strange familiarity I'd felt when I first looked at his name written in John's scribble on that piece of paper…which I continued to carry with me even as I stood watching the pillar burning in the darkness of the quiet forest.

Ellen Harvelle was another story… I'd made the wise decision of meeting Bobby first. He'd told me that I had to act dumb if John's name ever came up in Ellen's presence. Never really told me why, but I trusted Bobby. So when I was finally introduced to the road house I was immediately accepted, as though I was a welcome change. I remember meeting Joanna Beth who only went by Jo, her hard-as-nails mother Ellen and that crazy-genius sonuvabitch known as Ash. I honestly loved being there, with people that knew the kind of work I was in…it was refreshing.

I remember stayin' awhile, just shootin' the shit with Jo at the bar when someone, another Hunter I think it was, brought John's name up in a conversation. I don't remember the particulars of what he was saying because I noticed something… It was just a quick shimmer in Ellen's eyes, but I'd caught it. There was some bad blood there too…(which made me wonder how many people John had pissed off) but I let it be. I knew that in time, I'd learn the reason behind that unknown emotion I saw flicker through her keen brown eyes.

Throughout the years, I'd grown close with that small crew that worked the Road House and the day the fire brought it to no more then cinders…my heart broke at the news that Ash, who'd I'd actually grown fond of, kinda like that goofy guy a girl adores, but could never see herself get romantically involved with…no matter how hard he hit on her… He was one of the many casualties of that terrible tragedy. When Bobby informed me that Ellen and Jo were still in the game, I was flooded with a great deal of relief.

Jo and I kept in contact as she moved herself to Duluth Minnesota, very close to my home town compared to Bobby who was stationed in South Dakota. I'd visited her occasionally when I had time between jobs, never tellin' her about how I'd truly gotten into hunting. I missed her, hadn't spoken to her in awhile…

My brain snapped back into my current reality and I could sense the boys had straightened up and were now mere bystanders as I let my gaze remain unfocused in the flames. "I don't expect you to trust me, let alone like me," my voice was a low rumble but I knew they were paying attention as I spoke into the chilly forest air, "I can imagine the betrayal you're feeling… Knowing that your father had kept something like this from you. Can't say that I really blame you…" I paused to clear the lump from the back of my throat. "Just be lucky that you met a false Adam, because if anything…you didn't know him like I did. He was all I had and I did everything in my power to keep him away from Hunting… From The Family Business."

"Wait, what did you just say?" Sam asked in a soft, puzzled voice that actually caused me to break my eyes away from the flames.

"The Family Business." Dean said, answering for me with a rough edge to his raspy voice.

My brow furrowed at the strange expression they were giving me. "Yes, The Family Business…" I repeated thoughtfully, slowly catching on that they knew that phrase. "Why? Where've you heard that before?" I asked, not sure where they'd heard that because I was the only one, I knew…that ever said it.

Dean's eyes filled with an unreadable emotion when he rumbled, "Dad…that's what he called Hunting."

This time it was my eyes that widened. "What?" I spat out in surprise…finding this all suddenly eerie. "I never said that in front of him and I never heard him say it."

Sam's face, so many emotions he seemed to wear through those damned eyes of his…it looked painful. "You thought it, but never said it." He stated, voice taking on a broken tone.

I gave a slow nod and licked my lips, "that's right." I replied, voice calm and thoughtful.

Dean narrowed his gaze at me, not out of suspicion or anger, but the only way I could describe it…is the wheels within his mind had began turning, working over equations I would never understand. It was the first time I saw his intelligence looking back at me, curious but weary. It was as though I were peering into the eyes of a Wolf.

"Huh…" He said finally with a strange calm hovering around his body. As if what I'd said had triggered something inside of him.

I was at a loss as to what I should say. I looked from one Winchester to the other, noticing the way they watched me, watching them. No one speaking, thoughts swimming through the night air like fireflies waiting to be plucked and placed into jars. I finally averted my eyes, back to the fire, to the body of my little brother…my life, becoming nothing more then shadows…and dust.

An uncomfortable quiet followed. I knew they were unnerved by me as they stood there, watching me in my tortured silence. I could sense the mixed emotions that swirled inside them at my presence. Their emotions were almost tangible to me as the fire burned and the darkness swelled against me. I could feel their pain, their regret…I could feel an underlining of betrayal and anger…but it wasn't toward me. I knew they felt broken over what had happened, of the body that continued to burn against the moisture in the air that hung like some eerie preternatural veil just beneath the tree line above our heads. But I ignored it, ignored them and their questioning eyes and brought myself closer to the pillar of fire… And watched…as the one thing that ever truly mattered to me…faded into nothing more then ash.

I'd lost everything… And as I stood there in my thoughtful reserve, I watched as the very last cinder of my baby brother, took flight into a windless night… It almost seemed to dance toward me, as though it were being moved by unseen hands… I held my breath in that broken moment as the cinder; glowing red with life, floated closer, carefully it seemed… Only to come to rest against the flesh of my left cheek. I felt the burn just when the soft crackle touched my ears as it singed my skin before being extinguished by a lone tear that had somehow escaped my unblinking eyes.

It was in that single moment…I realized… I was very much alone.

And I had no one to blame…but myself.

* * * * ***End Part Two*** * * * *


	3. Part 3 :: Broken Heart, Fist Fight

**[Onyx's Note::** Alright...I know it's been kinda heart breaking, but in this chapter...*_hides evil giggle_* Let's just say Tora and Dean get into a very...**interesting**...situation.**]  
**

* * *

**South Dakota**

I don't really remember how I'd managed to drive that long distance to Bobby's…honestly, I can't remember the time in between. I know I'd called him…and told him what I found…and that I'd finally filled the boys in on the truth. He was actually stunned. Because for all these years I'd kept this secret inside of me, as if it was something only John and I shared…keeping me closer to him somehow. But when I learned of his death…I began falling a part. I never told Adam and Kate that he'd died…I couldn't.

I told Bobby the boys were behind me as we drove back to South Dakota. Bobby was more than fine with that…in fact I knew he was very worried about me, because I seemed to had lost my signature sarcasm. He just told me to be safe and that he'd wait up all night if he had to, just to make sure we got there in one piece.

I must've been on auto-pilot because the only thing I can recall after that conversation, is the sign above my head that read, 'Singer Salvage Yard' as I pulled my ghost like beast onto his property and found a decent place to park.

I got out, gathered my essentials, locked her up and just…stood there, my eyes unseeing, my body rigid as the Winchesters rolled up along the right side of my car, coming to a stop. I didn't really so much hear as feel them pour out of their vehicle and make their way toward me.

I wasn't all there…then again, a very large part of who I was had died on the last cinder of my baby brother that faded into the darkness.

I blinked away the dry that invaded my eyes, but it didn't help. I could tell that when I finally had time alone, in a room as black as pitch…by the next morning my eye lids would be swollen over from crying away the very last part of my pain…and when those tears would dry, my soul would harden and I would seek my revenge by killing as many black-eyed sonsabitches as I possibly could.

Bobby's voice was the only thing I could distinguish in the white noise that filled my head. I blinked away the blur before me and focused on the wise face of a Hunter I had known to be family the day I became a Hunter myself. I couldn't move the muscles in my face to convey the utter relief I felt when I saw the look in his intelligent, caring eyes.

"Bobby." Just his name escaped me with a voice that sounded so very far away. It was hoarse and broken…as though I'd spent the better part of the evening screaming until I'd sustained permanent damage in my vocal chords.

He didn't wait to reach out an arm and pulled me against him in a protective embrace. His right hand cradled the back of my head as I buried myself against his warmth, overjoyed at the feeling of safe familiarity. "It's gonna be alright girl," Bobby rumbled out and gave me a squeeze as if to reaffirm his statement, "you'll see…it's gonna be alright."

I nodded against him and straightened when he finally let up, both hands gripping my shoulders as he looked into my eyes. "We'll see." Is the soft whimper of sound that danced away from my puffy lips, my eyes beginning to sting from the need to unleash the emotions in warm, wet streams. I fought the need, shoved it back in its cage and buried it into my inner depths with a swift kick of my proverbial foot.

Bobby's face filled with a sad sort of understanding when he nodded, released his grip on my shoulders and looked past me to the Winchesters, who had stood silent in the background. "Boys." Bobby said in an acknowledgement and motioned with a nod of his head, for everyone to follow him toward the house.

I walked without words, without focus…my legs moving on their own accord as I remained trapped within the fog that invaded my mind. I had followed the old Hunter up the small path, up the small flight of stairs, along the old creaking boards of the deck of his front porch and finally into the dry warmth of his sanctuary. I sensed the boys behind me, leaving a body of space between me and them as they followed my lead into the house. I ignored the itch of someone's gaze burning into the back of my head, I don't know if it was one or both of the brothers, I honestly could care less at the time and made my leave into the bathroom down the hall.

Once I flipped the old light switch I brought my weary gaze to the mirror before me and saw a stranger standing on the other side. A reflection that told me I was no longer myself…but a shell of a person who's gaze appeared ancient…and so terribly hollow.

I ran the faucet and splashed a handful of cold water over the heated flesh of my face. It was cool and calming as droplets skimmed along the bridge of my nose, the dip above my upper lip, the curves of my cheekbones, along my jaw line and finally down my throat. I blinked and made no move to wipe away the cool streams of water that dashed down my neck only to pool around the small quarter-sized, Silver Eye of Horus medallion at the small hollow at the base of my throat where it met my collarbone. Looking at my image in the mirror…I saw a war victim. Dark bruise like coloration had manifested just beneath my gaze, indicating the lack of sleep and the toll it took on me. I knew it was an exhaustion of a different sort… The kind where you've suddenly drained yourself of all reserves just to keep your sanity from completely ripping itself apart.

I don't know how long I'd zoned out for…the ambient noise of the running water and old, overhead fan playing a distracting chorus in my broken thoughts when a firm knock sounded twice against the frame of the door, bringing me back. It's then I noticed most of the moisture that had been dripping down my face had dried. "Yeah?" I called out in a voice that sounded nothing like my own…another realization of how broken I really was inside.

"It's just me," Bobby replied through the door, "just wonderin' if you fell in."

I wanted to chuckle but the muscles in my throat along with the muscles in my face that gave me expression lacked any kind of response, so I was left peering at an emotionless stranger in the mirror before me. "Just spaced out. I'll be right out." I replied and finally shut the water off, unlocked the door, shut off the light and fan and remerged into the hallway.

Bobby eyed me real careful like…and I knew what he was thinking…I could feel it. He was real worried that I was about to break and he wasn't wrong. I just, had to shut down inside…just so I could function.

"Tora, you ain't lookin' too good. Why don't you come into the kitchen and I'll fix us some coffee." Bobby offered and studied my lack of expression very closely.

I forced my lips to curve into a faint smile, it was broken, but the attempt was visible, "Coffee always sounds good Bobby." I replied but my voice came out weak and hoarse.

Bobby's brow furrowed. "You know what? How 'bout I have coffee and you have some whiskey. I think you need it." He stated and I just nodded, unable to do much of anything else.

I followed him into the small kitchen and saw Sam and Dean sitting across from each other at the table. As I entered the room, Sam's eyes were immediately locked on mine when Dean turned around, just for a moment and when I gave him my eyes, my emotions no longer guarded…his jaws clenched at the intensity my gaze held and turned back to his brother.

I kept silent and stood next to Bobby as he pulled out one of his best bottles of Whiskey, went to get a shot glass, thought better of it and just handed me the bottle. "You never could drink a shot." Bobby mused at an attempt to lighten the tense air as I took the bottle, unscrewed the top and proceeded to throw my head back, gulping down at least four rather large mouthfuls.

Next thing I knew, Bobby's voice caused me to stop, "Sweet Jesus, Tora Morgan! Easy!" He exclaimed and snatched the bottle away from me as soon as I swallowed the poison down my throat. I blinked confused eyes at him and he let out a sigh, regaining his calm demeanor. "What you tryin' to do? Kill yourself?"

"No…" I replied softly, licked my lips and averted my gaze to the floor, finding my worn hiking boots fascinating. "I'm sorry Bobby."

"God Tora…" He exclaimed in a softer voice, set the bottle back down on the counter and placed his hands on my upper arms, getting me to look up into his eyes. "In all these years I have never known you to be so…" Bobby trailed off, apparently at a loss as to what to say to me.

"Pathetic?" I chimed with a half hearted smile and watched him frown.

"That's Not the word I was lookin' for…" He said in a tone that told me he didn't like seein' me so broken.

I swallowed the hard lump from the back of my throat and said, "I know Bobby… I'm just…not okay." Hearing myself say it, I could feel the realization cause my eyes to widen. I let out a strangled laugh that didn't sound all too healthy, especially from the worried look Bobby was giving me and chimed, "I'm not okay."

And that's when it hit me.

Not as a sting in my eyes or a mere trickle that escaped down my cheek… It was a full on assault of the very waterworks I'd been fighting to stop from happening and before I could stop myself, I was sobbing and growling in desperation to stop…but it was no use. I was utterly consumed by the unbearable desolation that flooded through me, which caused my knees to buckle and I began to fall toward the floor when a pair of arms, not Bobby's, took hold of my form.

"Let me go…" I growled pathetically, struggling in a failed attempt to be left alone when those same arms turned me around and I looked up, meeting blue/green eyes. It was Sam…and just to his immediate right, close enough to touch me, was Dean. "Just let me go and don't fuckin' look at me." I growled again, a little more conviction in my words and looked down, unable to let myself be seen by Bobby, or the Winchesters in such a disgusting…vulnerable state.

"No one here is going to think any less of you if you let it out." I heard Sam say but I couldn't do it… I wouldn't let myself look weak in front of John's boys.

The very thought of John caused my knees to completely give and not only Sam caught me, but I felt a second set of hands on my lower back, steadying me as though I were a piece of porcelain…afraid that at any moment I would shatter. I knew by the warmth of those hands, it was Bobby.

Clenching my jaws in a tight line, I fought desperately to regain control of myself. But the harder I fought, the worse I cried. I was at a point where my body had completely abandoned my mind's commands and began trembling as waves of sheer despair tore through me, causing my chest to tighten with a weight I hadn't experienced in years.

That's when I felt it. The sorrow was replaced and completely washed over by a crushing wave of rage. I got angry, so angry my chest began to hurt. An old instinctive defense that when I felt vulnerable…it would be replaced by anger. And damn was I thankful.

With a strangled growl I stood up straight, too god-damned pig-headed to let myself become a blubbering mess and jerked myself free of their hold on me. There were no objections, Bobby knowing how I hated being touched when I was upset…I could sense him gesturing to the boys that I would be okay. I kept my tear filled gaze forward and, slowly, carefully, I walked out of the kitchen, through the living room and made it out onto the front porch.

Standing there, hands clenched into tight fists, the feeling of my short nails biting red moons into the soft flesh of my palms, I felt my legs trying to give out on me and every time I weaved on my feet, I used both hands and slammed them rather painfully into my thighs. The more it hurt, the sharp pain immediate, the better they reacted. _Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body_… I knew I was going to be littered with bruises the next morning, but I didn't care. I was pissed, I needed it, needed the abuse I inflicted on myself, it kept me alert…and kept me from fallin' a part.

I could feel the whiskey already swimming through my veins, which meant whatever slow ache I was feeling, was dulled down quite a bit due to the large amount of high octane running through my system.

In my silence I could hear the conversation from inside leaking out into the air around me.

"Boys just… Let her be. She needs her space right now." I heard Bobby say in a tired voice.

"We can't just leave her alone Bobby," Sam exclaimed, "what if she does something to hurt herself…"

"Unlike you two, That girl out there's got her head on straight!" Bobby shot back, completely cutting Sam off. "You got any idea what she's goin' through right now?" I could hear him huff as he paused, "she just came home to find her baby brother dead."

"Why didn't you warn us Bobby?" It was Dean who asked the obvious question, "huh? You knew about Tora, you knew she'd be there."

I knew Bobby didn't want to answer that question…but he did. "Tora never told me she knew your Daddy the way she did. You think I would've kept somethin' like that from you?" Bobby's voice was strained…and I could tell that his emotions were gettin' the better of him as he continued. "I've known that girl since she was 'bout nine-teen and not once, did she tell me that John had himself another family…just that he'd sent her my way. Told me she heard through John that I'd be able to help her out. It wasn't until three weeks ago that she finally called me up and did some explainin'. You got any idea the amount of Whiskey I went through that night?"

I could hear Sam scoff, "that's great Bobby. You've known about Adam and didn't think to tell us? We might've been able to save him, you ever think of that?"

At this point, I'd gained my motor functions back and returned to the kitchen without anyone noticing. I stood there for a moment before speaking…knowing that this night was just gonna continue spiraling into a mouth of pure madness.

"I made Bobby swear that he'd tell no one," I said and trailed off when I felt everyone's eyes on me. "Especially John's boys." I had to stop again to swallow another hard lump that had lodged itself in the back of my throat because of what I was about to tell them. "John told me not to tell you about us… About Adam or me." I paused, my voice growing colder, "So if you're gonna blame someone, blame me and leave Bobby outta this."

I could feel the anger building in the brothers…but it was Dean who unleashed his fury on me first, making me the target for his aggression. "You know what lady, I don't need your fuckin' excuses. Our father Lied to us and as far as I'm concerned, you're no better then him."

Sam was angry too, but even he felt that was a low blow. "Dean, stop." His voice had softened a bit when he tried to cool his big brother down, "come on man, don't do this…"

But Dean wouldn't let it go, just as Stubborn as his Father. "Don't do what Sam?" He gave his little brother his eyes, appearing worn out and exhausted. "Dad _lied_ to us Sammy! To Us! And you know what? There's somethin' else I'm startin' to notice… You're turnin' out be just like him," he lowered his voice to a very unfriendly tone as he glared up into Sam's wounded eyes, "guess you got a lot in common with her too, huh? Keepin' secrets, bold faced lying to me." Dean stopped, let out a dark laugh and barked, "Am I the only one in this fucked up family that tells the truth?!"

"Alright Dean, we get it, hell I ain't happy about any of this either." Bobby said in a calming tone but the wild look in Dean's eyes told us otherwise. "But you gotta cool off, right now Son, 'fore you step over a line you don't wanna cross."

"Oh I've gone way past that point Bobby," Dean snarled back, the wicked smile that stretched his lips giving him a feral expression of hidden rage, "I'm so far from givin' a shit right now…nothin' you, or anyone else has to say is gonna convince me otherwise." He said and shot Sam a look of warning, "and don't you dare try spillin' your bleeding-heart-sentimental bullshit about me letting this go. As of right now, anything that comes outta yer mouth are just more lies."

I understood the anger he was feeling, because it was beginning to boil behind my eyes too, but for different reasons, "Bobby's right, you need to back the hell off." I announced and felt daggers of pure loathing slash into me when his heated gaze met mine, "you gotta cool down before you say something you're gonna regret."

Dean let out a nasty laugh, "That's real funny comin' from a girl who let her family get slaughtered because she was too busy half-assin' a job." he said, eyes narrowed into slits, "As far as I'm concerned, it should've been your body burning on that pillar."

"The fuck did you just say to me?!" I sneered, no longer able to fight the explosion of rage that broke through my control and wanted to seriously beat the ever livin' shit outta him.

"You heard me, you lying cunt." Dean shot back, hostility dripping from his lips like venom.

"I swear to everything holy I'm about two seconds away from slappin' that smart ass right off your fuckin' face!" I growled, wanting him to give me one more reason…just one more and he'd be on the floor.

Dean stepped closer to me, damn near nose to nose as he glared down into my defiant eyes. "Go ahead Bitch. Hit me, give me an excuse to pop you right in your lying mouth." His voice was filled with razorblades of hatred, slicing through my ears until my vision began to blur over with a flood of dangerous red.

"That's 'bout enough outta you two!" Bobby suddenly barked, pulling Dean out of my face, making him look at him with confused eyes. "Boy I could ring your neck…"

"Oh and what, you're a saint Bobby?" Dean shot back into the old Hunter's face, obviously past any point of common sense.

I'd had enough. Nobody got away with talkin' to Bobby like that. "Winchester!" I snapped, got Dean to whip toward me and just as his eyes met mine, the knuckles of my right hand cracked painfully against the left side of his face, causing him to stumble back for a moment, stunned by my powerful right hook. I watched him reassess himself, felt my knuckles swell with pain and glared a look of death his way. "Don't you _dare_ take that tone with him. You wanna fight somebody, fight me. You so much as look at him wrong and so help me I'll kick yer lily white ass into next week."

"Tora Balam Morgan you ease down right now!" Bobby ordered in a deep tone but I ignored him and stood my ground. "You listenin' to me girl? I will not have blood shed in this House!"

"No Bobby, she's absolutely right." Dean chimed and wiped the miniscule line of red from the left side of his mouth and got into my face. "You wanna fight, Bitch? You'll get a fight… I don't hit women, but you just caught me on a very bad night."

I glared up into his shimmering green depths and began backing up, so that we were closer to the living room and not trapped in the kitchen. "You gonna talk me to death? Or you gonna prove you can kick my ass?" I hissed, taunting him, which might've been stupid…seein' as I stood at five feet and six and a half inches and weighed around one hundred and seventy-four. I was never a small girl, thick bones, strong frame, and a lot of muscle. Dean could easily over power me and I knew that at any moment, he was going to snap. But the only way I was gonna get what I wanted was to do something to royally piss him off.

Sam was to the side of Dean, his eyes fearful of what his big brother was about to do. "This isn't the place for this!" Sam exclaimed in a controlled tone, trying in desperation to stop the inevitable.

I waited…still glaring…when Sam made the mistake of placing himself between us, facing his angry older brother. God help me, I didn't want to hurt him…but I had no choice. I wanted a fight and I was hell bent on gettin' one no matter who got in my way.

"Forgive me." I said under my breath and to everyone's surprise, especially Sam's, I jumped up and planted the hard sole of my boot in direct contact with his ass, throwing him off balance, which caused him to double over onto a stunned Dean, sending them sprawling to the floor.

"God Damn it Tora! NO!" I heard Bobby holler somewhere behind the boys when I started toward the front door and had just gotten within a few feet of the screen when I was stopped, my legs unexpectedly swept out from under me, sending me in a heap to the hard floor.

I wheezed, my lungs convulsing painfully as they seized up from the sudden impact and rolled twice just out of Dean's reach. Fighting to regain not only my breath, I had to reclaim the upper hand and very quickly. I didn't want Bobby or Sam to stop us, so I gathered some lost strength I'd forgotten about and was suddenly back on my feet, ready for another attack.

"You gonna stand there and stare at me, pretty boy?" I rasped in a mocking purr and watched his jaws clench. I sidestepped until I was sure his back was facing the old screen door. I knew, the more pissed off Dean got, the sloppier his reflexes would be. Which would make it easier to subdue him…

At least I hoped it would.

This time I didn't wait for him to make the first move. I flung myself forward and slammed every ounce of my weight against him, causing us both to fly a few feet toward the front door until we slid to a stop. He made a strangled growling sound as I tried to sit up, straddling him due to the way we landed and heard, rather then felt, the hard right cross against my face. The impact caused an array of little white dots to form in my vision as I collapsed onto my side, just next to him on the floor.

Dizzy but still pumping with adrenaline, I looked over as he began to get up and braced my upper body against the floor with my arms, brought my right leg back and sent a powerful kick into the backs of his knees, causing him to once again fly forward, this time slamming into the screen door, forcing it open with his body and landed with a hard thud against the deck of the front porch.

"How does that feel, asshole!" I snarled between coughs. I remember hearing yelling behind me, but I was already too far gone to care as I got back onto my feet and followed Dean's struggling form outside. The Whiskey in my system only fueled the fire raging inside me…and I wanted a knock-down, drag-out fight. I didn't want to cry…I wanted to feel pain. And Dean was just the man to give it to me.

"Get up you worthless sonuvabitch." I snarled as he pulled himself back onto his feet, almost standing, pretending to be out of breath. "Butch up, you pussy. 'Cuz it's just pathetic when a man gets his ass handed to him by a woman." I chimed, knowing he was about to launch at me…and that's exactly what I wanted.

But it wasn't Dean who had suddenly taken a hold of me and pushed my back against the wall of the house… It was Bobby.

"I outta beat you senseless!" Bobby growled, getting my attention, "You're piss-drunk, exhausted and Dean just pissed you off. Well boohoo! Get over it. You think this is anyway to honor your family? Takin' your stupidity out on Dean ain't gonna bring them back!" His voice was a harsh sound against my ears, but I didn't want to stop and he knew it. He could see it when I glared back at him. "Restrain yerself Tora, or I'll do it for you."

"No you need to put a god damned leash on her Bobby!" Dean snarled while Sam kept him from getting past him.

Bobby turned, "Shut your mouth boy!" He shouted and I just gave Dean a smug smile, knowing it would just piss him off even more. "You should know better!"

Dean's face screwed up in angry lines at the smile I was giving him, "She's a hair's length away from gettin' that smug smile smacked off of her face if you don't do somethin' about it!" He growled in warning causing Bobby to bring his angry eyes back to me.

"Tora, I'm a patient man…but you're pushin' it." He warned in a controlled tone and I could hear Sam trying in vain to calm his brother down.

"He has no right speakin' to you the way he did and he needs to be taught a lesson." I snapped in a low voice of warning and watched him grit his teeth. "You know I won't stop until I've seen this through."

"Let it go." He shot at me and I wouldn't back down.

"No." I growled back and could hear mumbling behind Bobby, arguing from the sounds of it. "I can't, not this time."

Bobby studied my gaze, his expression filled with frustrated anger. "You keep this up and I'll just walk away…you know what? Maybe I should let him knock you senseless for your own good."

I let him see the pain in my eyes, the utter self loathing I was feeling and replied, "then leave…because nothing you say is gonna convince me otherwise."

Bobby narrowed his eyes at me and spoke in a very low, clear voice. "Fine. You wanna fist fight go right ahead." He said and abruptly let go of me, grabbed Sam and chimed, "c'mon Sam…they wanna beat the hell outta each other, let'em. I'm done with it."

Sam appeared very confused and said, "Wait, Bobby what are you doing?"

"Goin' inside where it ain't crazy." He replied in short and vanished in the house, Sam reluctantly in tow.

"Happy now?" I heard Dean chime as I stood across from me. "You just pissed of the world's most patient man."

I narrowed my gaze at his smirking face. "You're a real piece of work, you know that?" I retorted and pushed myself off the wall, toward him…and watched him take a step in my direction.

"I'm a piece of work?" He spat and let out a dark chuckle. "You're the one who's gotta a few screws loose."

I was really, and I mean really done listening to him speak… So I did the smart thing…and cold-clocked him right in the mouth, shutting him up.

Suddenly there was an explosion of agony in my skull as stars sparkled behind my eyelids when he punched me across the face, sending me soaring over the deck, where I landed on my hands and knees near the stairs leading to the yard. I could taste copper on my tongue, a faint sting on the inside of my lower lip from where I'd bitten it.

"Is that all you got?" Dean spat somewhere behind me as I began to rise back onto my feet. "'Cause baby, I don't know about you, but I can go all night."

I finally got up and turned toward him, my back to the stairs leading down to the path below. "Not by a long shot, Pretty Boy." I snarled with a bloody smile and made a small motion with my hands for him to 'come and get it'.

He did alright…fueled by grief, exhaustion and rage, he charged at me, intent on knocking me out. To his dismay, he didn't realize that I had agility on my side. I hooked my arms around his waist and swung my body around, using his momentum to take him with me as we ascended over the small flight of steps and hit the ground tumbling, our arms tangled, struggling for purchase.

Once we stopped, he was on top of me this time. I didn't waste the opportunity and reached up, grabbed him by the roots of his short hair and while pulling him down hard, I brought the front my skull toward his in one helluva a head butt. There was a soft crack when our foreheads met.

He blinked, partially dazed by the force of our skulls meeting, allowing me to push him off of me so I could roll to my right, leaving space between us. He wasn't the only one suffering from the momentary imbalance, because as I rolled onto my stomach, I felt my head spin and tried to push up on my hands but ended up face planting against the earth, getting a mouthful of dust in the process.

"No you don't." I heard him grumble behind me as he grabbed my right ankle and tugged, dragging my body backward.

I didn't have a lot of time to think so I sat up and kicked him square in the jaw with my left leg, causing him to release his hold. In fact, I took a moment to watch as he sprawled out on his back…his chest rising and falling, his mouth hung open…eyes closed.

Every inch of my body began to throb with agony as I struggled haphazardly to get back on my feet. I swayed, stumbled to my left, almost fell over but managed to tilt myself to the right until my legs stabilized. That was fun. Coughing the dust out of the back of my throat, I stood over his still form and wondered if he was really out cold. I almost started to feel bad…until he flew up and punched me in the side of my left leg.

I let out a surprised yelp as my ass hit the hard earth…agony surging from my bruised tail bone into my spine. Tears began to squeeze out from my clenched eyes as I laid in a half assed fetal position while cradling my left leg close to my body. Searing pain swept through the battered muscle from his sudden assault, tellin' me I wasn't about to get up on my own anytime soon.

"You done?" Dean challenged as he sat just a few feet away from me, lips bloody, eyes swollen.

I brought my head up enough to give him a defiant look and managed to flip him off. "Fuck you." I shot back through gritted, crimson stained teeth and dropped my hand back to my body.

He scoffed at me and began to wipe the blood and dirt away from his bruised chin, "I'll take that as a yes." he chimed, appearing to have lost his urge to fight after I'd cracked our thick skulls together. To be honest…I was pretty much done myself.

"Ya well…shut up." I spat in a strangled voice and rolled onto my right side, pain still throbbing up my left leg and into my lower back.

We'd laid out there on the ground for a few moments… Trying to regain ourselves.

I listened as Dean tried to get back on his feet. There was coughing, a few inaudible curses and then a cry of surprise when a bucket of ice water was dumped over Dean's body. I was just about to look up when I too, met with the same cold fate.

"What the hell Bobby!" I wailed in a cracked voice and rolled over, tried to get up, but did the stupid thing by using my left leg and ended up ass over elbows…again. "Fuck." I hissed between clenched teeth and looked up to see Bobby, hands on his hips, glaring down at me.

He shook his head with a sigh and helped pull me up onto my feet. "You pull another stunt like that, so help me Tora," once steady he paused and I could feel the heat slicing into me through his angry gaze, "I will hog tie yer ass and toss you the panic room for a week." he then turned his eyes to Dean, "that goes for you too!" Bobby announced, meeting Dean's gaze and then returned his focus on me.

Leaning on my good leg, I could feel my face swelling from all the punches I'd received. "Fine." I replied in a raspy voice and watched his face soften. "I just…he didn't need to talk to you like that and I needed some sense knocked into me." I added and felt my throat tighten…an early warning that the waterworks were far from over.

"What am I gonna do with you?" Bobby exclaimed in a tired but compassionate voice and all I could do was shrug.

Meanwhile just as we turned to go back inside, there was a very soaked Dean, glaring at me with Sam at his side, giving me an odd expression. I couldn't help but feel like total shit for the way I'd kicked him in the ass. It was a cheap shot and I was woman enough to own up to it.

"Sam, for what it's worth… I'm sorry for kicking you like that…" I began to mutter softly and tried to ignore the angry look Dean was shooting at me. "It was a cheap shot to get Dean pissed off, and you didn't deserve it."

He considered my apology for a moment when a small curve began to stretch his lips. "Apology accepted." He replied and the half smile began to form into an impressed grin. "After watching you take on Dean and nearly kicked his ass, I was pretty much over it."

"Wait, nearly?" Dean quipped under his breath and rolled his eyes when Bobby and Sam chuckled. He then grumbled out, "ya, not even close."

Their chuckling was infectious and I couldn't help what came out of my mouth. "Well, I did say I'd kick your lily white ass." I said with a softer tone, hoping Dean wouldn't continue to hate me for our little brawl.

His shimmering green eyes met mine, brows knitted together, a frown evident…except for the slightest movement at his lips, as though he were fighting back a smile. "You can hold your own, I'll give you that," he chimed at me, his tone not holding as much animosity as before due to the lightened mood and possible concussion. "But again, not even close."

Sam patted Dean on the shoulder and quipped, "sure thing Dean." and grinned when his older brother gave him slitted eyes. "Come on, let's get you inside before you get sick."

"Oh yea, thanks for the shower Bobby." Dean spat sarcastically and carefully wiped at his chin where I'd kicked him, his eyes flashing to me for a moment, lingering on my face before darting away. Apparently knowing that I'd have a few bruises within the next couple of hours because of his handy work, bothered him.

It didn't bother me. I needed my ass kicked and he was the one to do it. Kinda sick, I know…but like I've said, I was never like other girls… Must be a weird Hunter thing.

"Alright, inside, the both of ya before you catch yer death." Bobby mused and ushered me along, as Dean and Sam took the lead back into Bobby's sanctuary.

It was just one of those nights…

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	4. Part 4 :: Healing Egos, Strong Coffee

**[Onyx's Note::** I would've updated sooner... But FF wouldn't let me upload ANYTHING.... I really hope everyone likes it... Because it DOES get better. There's a Lot of funny moments in this one, and you start to see the boys start to take their own liking to Tora, who's very much a pain in the ass lol. Anyhoo, on that note...Enjoy!!**]  
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**12:47pm, The Next Day**

We'd all gone to bed in silence. I argued with Bobby until I was blue in the face that I didn't need him to watch over me while I slept and ended up sleeping in the anti-demon-panic room. I didn't want to be in the same area with the boys…or Bobby…because I needed to be alone. The only thing I couldn't argue was having Bobby help me down the stairs because my leg just wasn't willing to cooperate.

But it worked out… I spent a good three hours crying my eyes out until I was too exhausted to stay awake and crashed. I suppose I really needed the sleep because I woke up later then I'd meant to… Around 12:00pm I think. I struggled my way back upstairs, took a shower and put on some clean clothes. Nothin' fancy, just another pair of jeans and a black long sleeved button down shirt. Honestly, if I'd been given a burlap bag to put on…I probably would have. I felt like utter crap. My eyes were swollen badly, due to crying as hard as I did…and from the fun I'd had. My body hurt all over, my forehead had a nice little bump on it and my bottom lip was cut on the inside. I finally brought myself out onto the porch and decided to stay put as Bobby offered me a steaming cup of Joe.

I took the fresh cup of coffee, "Thanks Bobby." I said with very slight lisp due to how the right side of my mouth had swollen up from the night before. My mouth hadn't taken most of the damage, but amazingly, I had barely any bruising on my eyes. There was definite swelling, but not the usual angry black coloring one would get after being punched several times in the same spot. Ever since I could remember, I never did get any black eyes. Which was something I was thankful for.

"Surprised you don't have a shiner from all that damned rough housin' last night." Bobby said and checked the damage to my face by gently moving my chin back and forth with his hand. "Then again, you never did bruise easy."

I gave a small smile and took a sip from the dark liquid and sucked in a sharp breath at how it stung the cut on the inside of my bottom lip. "Uh, how's Dean doin'?" I asked after clearing my throat and watched a funny look ran across the old Hunter's face. "Is it that bad?"

He grew a crooked smile and glanced over to the door, "well…see for yerself." He chimed under his breath, gave me a soft pat on my shoulder and walked along the deck when the screen door opened, revealing a frowning and very bruised Dean.

I was about to take another drink and had to stop myself when I saw the angry color along the right side of his jaw line and the faint purple hue of a shiner appearing over his left cheek bone. Yea…I guess he didn't have the same luck I had when it came to bruising.

"Hey Bobby." Sam exclaimed in greeting as he stepped out onto the porch after Dean as Bobby passed them to go back inside…must've had more research to do…

That's when I noticed something…the sleeves of Sam's flannel shirt were rolled up and he had some long pieces of gauze lining the inside of his forearms. Curious, I wondered what kind of damage lay beneath the bandages…but I kept the question inside, knowing that I could probably mention it later and see if he'd tell me the truth. My instincts told me he'd been cut up bad…probably was bein' bled out by the very same ghouls that took my family. I knew how those sick bastards worked…especially when they're presented with something fresh. Ghouls generally tend to leave the living alone and feed off of the dead, like scavenger animals. They've never been known to present a threat…but after what Bobby had told me, not everything by the way, as if he were waiting until later for the harsh details.

What the boys went through…and how it was all once again, John's fault… I went a little numb inside.

My brain came back from the onslaught of thoughts that danced through my brain like wild pixies in a moonlit forest and I noticed green eyes looking at me.

Dean saw that I was sitting at a small, dusty plastic table Bobby had set up for me with about three plastic chairs to sit in. I was at the far end, my body facing the length of the deck that ran the entirety of the porch itself. I sat my cup on the table and let my hands fall into my lap.

Honestly…I felt real shitty about the chaos I'd caused the night before. If it had been completely different circumstances, if say…I'd met them in a little bar off in the middle of nowhere, knowing nothing about them, I'd have probably found myself hittin' on them…especially Dean. His rough demeanor, growl of a voice and dimpled smile would've tickled my fancy. I always loved myself a smooth talkin', wise crackin', classic car drivin' stud. But this was different… I knew who he was, knew his Father, who was the first man I'd ever truly loved and saw as my personal Hero. Knowing what I knew, I could see John in him, especially when I saw him wearin' his old man's leather jacket. I was attracted to him, but after what transpired…I knew that if it were possible, he'd be more of a very protective big brother to me. Sure there was a sexual tension between us… It was obvious to me because we were so much a like. I just…I couldn't.

With Sam however…there was, something about him… I don't know what it was. It felt familiar to me, the energy that danced around him. I didn't focus on it because the sound of their footsteps on the deck caught my attention.

Dean remained silent as he walked over and took the chair furthest from me and sat down, his back up against the house as he faced the yard itself. I assumed he just wasn't in the mood for light chit chat…couldn't blame him…I didn't know what to say after last night either.

Sam on the other hand, appeared…slightly chipper as he trotted over and took the only empty chair at the table, which happened to be to my direct left and sat down. "Hey Tora," He said in a gentle rumble, his voice and eyes pleasant as he looked at me. "You…doin' better today?"

I gave a faint smile, "guess so. I mean, I'm damned thankful I don't bruise easy or I'd be all kinds of black and blue right now." I replied, my lisp very noticeable and proceeded to take another drink of my coffee to swallow back the very thick lump of uncomfortable anxiety from the back of my throat. It was just odd… Here I was, day after the death of my baby brother…after gettin' the shit knocked outta me because I'd picked a fight with John's eldest son…and now, his youngest was showin' compassion towards me. Wasn't he supposed to hate me…or something?

"I noticed." Dean muttered from his side of the table, his eyes still averted from mine.

"Can I ask you something Dean?" My voice actually caught his attention, and when he looked at me, I saw a pain in his eyes that was more then just physical.

"Shoot." He replied in short, the bruise along his jaw line appearing very painful.

I cringed inwardly at my handiwork and took one more needed sip of my coffee before asking, "you ever get into a fist fight with a Female Hunter before?" My voice was soft when I asked that question, because honestly…I didn't want to be on bad terms with him or Sam.

I noticed in my peripherals that Sam's brow knitted together, an almost guilty look when Dean spoke, getting my full attention. "Hunter, no… A demon? Yes." Dean explained in a gruff voice and that's when I noticed he had his own cup of coffee as he sat it on the table to his left. "I've never been a fan of hitting a woman."

I nodded, looked down into my cup for a moment, went to nibble nervously on my bottom lip and bit back a hiss when the split in my torn flesh protested, sending a small jolt of very sharp and very angry electricity into the nerve endings of my face. I let out a slow exhale as the pain subsided and looked up at him from under my lashes, feeling a deep guilt at what I'd caused the night before. "I've…always had a tendency to pick fights with the wrong people growin' up." I began to explain and felt Sam lean forward in his chair, his eyes trained very closely on my face. "I had an anger problem…with boys. Kate, she figured it was just a phase until I put the school bully in the hospital."

The brothers brows shot up in unison at my comment, exchanged a surprised and slightly impressed look when Dean gave me his gaze and quipped, "Teenagers do crazy things, right Sam?"

Sam made a face and began to explain, "Uh yea… I mean, when you're forced to defend yourself you do what you have to. When I was a freshman in high school there was this kid named…"

I smirked and cut him off. "I was in the first Grade." I murmured and watched them blink at me several times at what I'd just said. "Kate decided it best to have me home schooled before I got my ass landed in juvi."

"Well, that turned out okay, right? You got to be home where it was safe." Sam said, following along but my mind had already gone down another path.

"Yea, I was home alright…" I said, took another large drink of my coffee and set the warm mug on the table, my eyes fixed on the dark liquid. "Practically raised little Adam 'cuz I was the big sister and Mom had to work." My voice was slightly edgier, the thought of my little Adam…no longer with me anymore…taken from me… I carefully wiped at my eyes just as they began to sting. No waterworks.

"It was just me and him a lot, you know?" I looked up and saw the sympathy in their eyes as I spoke. "I was older by seven years, and he was such a good boy. I mean, best thing a girl could ask for was a little brother who wasn't a pest." I chuckled at that, "sure he had his moments, what little brother doesn't? But Adam, god he was so smart, so full of life. You know…" my voice started to break but I didn't fight to hide it, I was too tired, "he may have been Kate's flesh and blood, but I was the one that looked after him. He was more like a son to me than my little brother. Guess that's normal when you're forced to raise your little brother 'cause your parents gotta bring food to the table."

I saw Sam as well as Dean clench their jaws, obviously having a hard time stomaching what I was saying. But there was also a great deal of understanding in their shared silence. As if they knew exactly what it was like to grow up like that…especially when I looked at Dean. I could see it as clear day when his eyes met mine.

"That was hard for you." Dean stated softly and I nodded, feeling a weird understanding with him for the first time. I could sense, he'd been in my shoes when it came to him lookin' after his little brother Sam. "Havin' to watch over him like that." He added and I gave him a little smile.

"It was. But I wouldn't trade it for anything." I said and paused…knowing that what I was about to say was probably very upsetting to hear, but they needed to hear it…and I don't know why, but that's what my instincts were telling me. "You probably don't wanna hear this… But your father, John… I didn't like him when I first met him and I was seven, only 'cuz he was the first man in my life. Funny thing is, I started to bond with him, until he up and left." My voice broke even more and I had to clear my throat and take another drink of my almost empty cup of coffee. "I felt like he'd abandoned me…and when Adam was born, I hated everyone because I was suddenly replaced. I knew I wasn't blood to them…that I was always going to be an outsider…"

"You felt different." Sam added and it wasn't what he said that made me lock eyes with him, but the emotion in his voice. "I actually know what that's like…being different."

"I was different." I agreed and didn't add the part about my real parents dying in a fire when I was six months old. "Girl like me, with my weird way of thinking just wasn't all that…popular where I grew up. So naturally, at nineteen, my car road worthy, I decided it was time to leave for good."

"You mean that beautiful beast next mine?" Dean inquired and I nodded with a proud smile. "What year is she?"

"She's a '70. Been in love with her ever since I laid eyes on her." I replied and watched another impressed smile grace his bruised lips. "I was all ready to put my bags in the backseat and hit the road when you're father showed up." I clenched my jaws together and took another drink of my coffee, remembering the look on John's face and the way he had said my name. I'd give anything to relive that moment one more time… "He was the one who introduced me to Hunting, told me about you two…and sent me Bobby's way. Now here I am. Bang up job on protecting my family, right?" I muttered in a bitter voice and noticed that my mug was now empty and I desperately needed another dose of Bobby's high octane.

"Excuse me." I murmured damn near choking on my words and struggled to get on my feet, what with my left leg being bruised to all hell from Dean's right hook the night before. I got up straight, went to take what I thought was a steady step forward on my bad leg when it gave out from under me and Sam moved so fast he knocked his chair over making Dean jump.

"I gotcha." Sam said softly as I struggled with what little pride I had left to remain steady, knowing if it wasn't for him I'd have face planted pretty damned hard onto the old deck below. He noticed the embarrassment in my eyes at how vulnerable I felt and gave me a sweet smile, "it's alright, happens to the best of us."

I had to swallow down the lump in my throat at the way my body had suddenly reacted to the closeness of him. The way his big hands cradled my waist with ease, my left hand gripping the firm and very developed muscle of his upper arm while my right hand held onto my empty coffee mug for dear life. The boy was nothin' but power in that tall frame of his, not to mention he sure was easy on the eyes. And being this up close with him, getting a very detailed look into the blues and greens that mixed beautifully in his eyes…_oh boy_…I felt my heart launch up into my throat as if it were trying to escape. Gettin' a hard on for someone who'd just saved me from total humiliation was the last thing on my mind. Well, figuratively speaking…seein' as I'm a girl and don't have the plumbing for that kind of thing.

"Uhm, thanks." I sputtered in a meek voice and knew that my cheeks were probably the color of a ripe tomato. I cleared my throat, "guess my left leg isn't completely healed yet." I chimed jokingly and began moving forward with Sam's incredibly strong arms guiding me. I made a point to keep my hands away from the bandages on his forearms, not wanting to cause him any unneeded discomfort.

I hated it when people felt the need to fuss over me or take care of me. So what, I got hurt…no big, you know? I'd always been very independent and seriously hated it when people tried to baby me, thinkin' I was some helpless dame. I was never a chick-flick kinda girl…I was more of a Horror flick kind.

With that thought in mind, I had to say it or it was going to kill me. "Just to let you know, I never let people baby me or touch me when I'm injured…"

"I'm not babying you, Tora. I get it that you're fully capable of taking care of yourself, you kinda proved that to me and Dean last night." Sam said in a reassuring tone as he led me across the deck back to the front door. "But you're injured and I'm merely lending a hand until you're strong enough to move on your own."

"Don't buy it Tora. That's just Sam's excuse for coppin' a feel." Dean chimed behind us and I watched Sam's cheeks flush…which made me fight back the giggle that swelled in my chest. "Pretty thing like you, all damsel and distress like…" He paused as I turned enough to my right to see the shit-eating-grin on Dean's battered face, "really gets his geek blood boiling."

Sam tried to cover the look of utter and complete embarrassment from his face by rolling his eyes, looked over my head to the smug look on his big brother's face and said, "Ya, well you know what Dean?"

Dean titled his head back, all proud of himself and quipped sweetly, "yes, little brother?"

"At least I don't get a hard on when a woman beats my lily white ass." Sam chimed, an evil glint in his eyes and I glanced over at Dean in time to watch that smug look get wiped right off his face… Replaced with first, blinking, then the slack jaw…then it appeared that he was trying to speak, but it looked more like a fish gasping, as though it had just fallen out of the fish tank. It seemed as though he was possibly about to say something catty…and thought better of it. He then frowned, mumbled something incoherent and turned his back to us, suddenly very fascinated with his coffee cup.

"Okay…awkward." I chimed softly, suddenly shaking because of the laughter choking in the back of my throat. I looked up at Sam, who shared the same struggling expression and motioned for him to get me into the house before I lost it. "Fast before I get hysterical and Dean never speaks to me again." I whispered, voice breaking with uncontrollable giggles and had to clamp my free hand over my mouth as Sam helped my limping self into the house as quickly as he could.

After closing the door behind us, I lost it…and hadn't realized that I'd collapsed my face against Sam's chest, trying to muffle my laughter. I could feel him tense up for a moment and pulled back, face red from laughing and gave him apologetic eyes. "Oh uh… Wow. I'm really sorry…I just couldn't let him hear me." I said softly and felt my face sting, the nerves in my face still not happy after what I did to it the night before. I took a step back, eyes clenched shut and gently touched my face, wanting the pain to mellow out.

"Damn it…" I hissed softly and felt Sam reach down, his left hand cradling the side of my head while the fingers of his right hand, very gently…were placed beneath my chin and tilted my head back, causing me to open my eyes. "Uh…" I stuttered, wondering why I felt like he was about to kiss me. "Is it bad?" I asked, forcing back the sudden nervousness I felt when I saw the intensity in his gaze. And again…I was lost…it felt like I was looking into the eyes of a Wolf…

"Not as bad as it should've been." His voice was a bit raspier then I remember it being. He caught himself, a slight hint of blush invading his cheeks as he cleared his throat, obviously trying to mask the way his tone came out husky. "Must hurt like a bitch."

I gave a weak smile as his hands slipped away from me. "Actually, this is nothin'." I replied and averted my gaze for a moment, trying to stop the nervous fluttering I felt. I took a silent breath, brought my gaze back to his and noticed a smile hanging from his very well proportioned lips. "What?" I asked with a small voice that had a slight playful lilt to it. When he just shook his head, still gazing down at me with that stupid curve on his lips…I could feel my cheeks flush and grew a bashful smile, knowing there was no way in hell that I could hide it.

The smile on his face turned into a grin as he was apparently enjoying the obvious affect he had on me. "You're blushing." He stated, his eyes dancing with light.

I tried to frown, but it only made him chuckle. "Ya? Well… You're a Sasquatch." I spat back at him, sounding like a 7 year old teasing her 1st grade crush.

His brows shot up and he let out a laugh, "Nice comeback." Sam quipped, his dimples showing as he licked his lips.

My brow knitted together as I just gave him a flat look. "Well, what was I supposed to say?" I shot back and he just shrugged. I sighed, "men…" and started to limp away from him and due to my amazing NON-gracefulness… I just about landed face first into the old carpet, had it not been for Sam's quick reflexes.

With a growl I muttered, "thanks…" and had to stop myself from taking in a very sharp breath at the feeling of his big, warm hands gently holding my arms to keep me steady.

I looked up toward the kitchen to make sure I wouldn't run into anything else that could be potentially hazardous to my journey and there was Bobby… A funny kind of smirk on his lips before he looked away, acting like he hadn't been watching us the _entire time_.

I grumbled out an inaudible curse as Sam helped me limp into the kitchen…where I used the kitchen counter to get myself another cup of coffee. "You know, I gotta cane you can use until that leg of yours heals up." Bobby offered and I finally gave him my eyes. "That way you don't need Sam here," he motioned to Sam who was also getting himself a cup of coffee, "to help you everywhere."

I nodded a little too quickly when I refilled my cup and thankfully, Bobby had already put the milk and sugar out in front of me. "Actually, that sounds like a very good idea, thanks." I replied and was desperately hoping he wouldn't make a comment about what he'd seen in his living room.

But this is Bobby I'm talkin' about…and he's too sly not to say anything. He leaned in real close to my right while I was adding a single spoonful of sugar, and started mixing the contents when he whispered, "don't think I didn't notice the way he's got his eye on you. Thought you'd like the cane so he'd stop pawin' you like a sailor that just got off ship."

I dropped the spoon. It clanged off the side of the counter and landed with a clink against the kitchen floor.

Bobby, appearing unfazed by my reaction, retrieved the spoon and dropped it in the sink. All I could do was stare at him, expressionless as Sam gazed at us with an inquisitive look to his furrowed brow.

"I'll be right back with that cane." Bobby said nonchalantly and gave me a quick wink before vanishing from the kitchen. I leaned against the counter, shook my head and took a small sip of my coffee.

"What I miss?" Dean asked, now standing to my direct left near the coffee pot.

"I dropped a spoon." I muttered softly and took another drink of my coffee, my gaze meeting Sam's for a moment and I could tell he knew that Bobby had said something to me about earlier. We shared a knowing smile and broke eye contact before Dean got any ideas.

Dean hadn't noticed, he was too busy getting himself another cup of coffee when Bobby returned with what looked like a cane you'd see Johnny Depp use in Sleepy Hollow. "It's an antique but it's steady." He explained and handed the ancient looking thing to me, "It should hold ya up just fine."

"Damn Bobby," Dean chimed giving the cane a once over, "looks like it should be in a museum."

"It was." He replied and walked out of the room, toward the study.

I examined the old, mahogany cane with its polished finish. I sensed by just holding it, it had been used under mystical influence at some point in its long existence and by the intricate symbols engraved along its length, I was pretty sure I was right. "Huh…cool." I thought aloud and set the cane to my left, against the counter and took another drink of my coffee.

"So, Tora…" Dean began getting my attention. He was leaning to his right, facing me, "what's your middle name mean?"

"Balam?" I asked and he nodded. It took me a second to remember, "Well…it's a name of Jaguar Spirits that are known for protecting villages at night."

"Is that Aztec?" Sam asked and decided to sit on the edge of the kitchen table, to my right.

"I'm not sure. I always thought it was a stupid middle name…" I was explaining when Bobby appeared in the doorway, cutting me off.

"Until I told her what it meant, and it's not Aztec, it's the Mayan word for Jaguar ." He corrected and motioned to the cane. "You like it?"

"Ya, it's a trip…" I replied and took another small drink of my coffee, enjoying the heat that slid down my throat and pooled in my stomach. "I can sense a lot of good juju comin' from it."

Dean quirked a brow at me, "Juju?" he repeated like I'd just spoken Chinese.

I gave him a flat look and said, "Yes juju, meaning energy."

"Magic, Dean." Sam added and held his hand out to me, "May I?"

He was motioning to the cane, "Sure." I replied and handed it to him, "Where'd you find this thing Bobby?"

"A friend of mine, years ago." He explained and I felt Dean looking at me… I turned my eyes to his and watched him avert his gaze. I gave a little smile and shook my head.

"Someone put a lot of time into this." Sam exclaimed, completely fascinated with the strange markings along the cane's finish. "What are the symbols?" he asked and looked to Bobby.

"It's for protection and makes sure that whoever uses it, is supported no matter how graceful they are." When he said this, he gave me a little grin that the brothers caught.

I gave him a smug smile, "thank you Bobby, so very thoughtful of you." I chimed and watched him chuckle at me.

Sam handed the cane back to me when Dean quipped, "guess that means Sammy here can't get his grope on anymore."

I choked on the mouthful of coffee I was trying to drink and managed to swallow it down before I stopped breathing and turned purple.

Sam glared at Dean, "Nice job Dean." He spat and gave me his eyes, "You okay?"

I coughed and was able to speak again, even if it was a rasp of a voice, "Yup." I coughed one more time, "just peachy." then turned my eyes to Dean, who was grinning and thwapped his leg with the end of the cane.

"Hey! Watch it!" He yelped and rubbed the afflicted area.

I just shook my head at him, "ass." I said and laughed when he gave me a funny look. "Don't look at me in that tone of voice!" I exclaimed and thwapped him two more times with the cane before he got smart and moved out of reach. "Hey! Where you goin'? This is kinda fun…" I giggled evilly and watched him give me a dirty look as he crossed the kitchen, putting as much space between us as he could.

"You're violent and I don't have to take your abuse." Dean shot at me from his safe distance and I frowned, ready to move away from the counter when Bobby got my attention.

"Tora." Bobby said in a voice that told me to quit it.

I gave him innocent eyes. "What?" I said ever so sweetly and gave up when his expression told me to cut it out. I scoffed, "fine…"

Sam let out a laugh and grew a thoughtful expression. "That uh Kishi Demon you mentioned… You never did tell us how you killed it."

The question threw me for a loop. Tell them the truth? Well…I didn't know how they'd take it…

"A Grizzly took it's head off." Bobby explained for me and I just stood there, feeling very awkward…especially at the stunned looks the boys were giving each other.

"You got saved by Yogi the pissed off bear?" Dean asked and all I could do was give a small smile. He blinked at me, "wow that's…different."

"You're tellin' me." I murmured under my breath and was glad I didn't have to explain how the Grizzly came to my aid in the first place. I'm sure if I did, they'd really think I was buckets-of-crazy. "Hey Bobby, think it'd be okay if I stayed here for a few days until I'm strong enough to take another job?" I asked, changing the subject and watched him give me a flat look.

"You know you don't have to ask." He replied and I gave him a little smile.

"Cool." I said and looked over to the boys, "I call dibs on the couch."

Sam smiled, "that's fine. Me and Dean don't mind sleeping on the floor." He said and looked over to his brother who was pretending to look upset.

After giving Dean a quirked brow he smiled, "Naw it's cool. I don't mind, but Sammy here can sleep near you just incase you get graceful in your sleep and decide to fall off the couch."

"Good lord, I'm not that bad!" I retorted in my own defense and when everyone began chuckling I added, "Oh fine…I see how it is. You guys suck." and couldn't help but join everyone in the small spell of laughter.

I knew that being happy go lucky at that point in time wouldn't last…because Adam's death was still in the back of my thoughts…haunting me. And I knew, as soon I was alone and knew no one was listening… My heart would break and I'd be reduced to uncontainable misery.

And I really hoped the boys were heavy sleepers…

* * * **End Part Four** * * *


	5. Part 5 :: Sam’s Warmth, Toxic Laughter

**[Onyx's Note:: **For everyone that's following along, thank you. No one's reviewed yet, but I figured it's no big deal. Kinda sad that no one has, only because I love what my reader's think. But again, no worries. I'm not gonna threaten to stop posting, because let's face it... If you guys love it, you love it. And if not, it's all good. I know I love this story, so I'm going to keep sharing it with you :D.

Now, in **THIS** chapter... Sam get's cozy with Tora and Dean...well...*_snickers_* You're in for one helluva laugh!!**]  
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* * *

We went about the rest of the evening relaxing and trying to remain normal after everything we'd all been through. The boys continued to avoid the subject of how they'd found my brother…and Kate. Bobby, however, finally got around to informing me of the details, just as we were all gettin' ready to get some shut eye. He was gentle about it, tried to keep out the more gruesome parts of how they'd been found…but I knew, having dealt with ghouls before. I knew how they devoured their food…

Needless to say, I'd made a point to have a big gulp of Whiskey right before I changed into some old pajamas to crash in. Just an old, over sized pair of black pants and a big dark blue shirt. Not very sexy, but comfortable as hell and I just didn't have enough energy to give a shit.

Bobby had been awesome and had brought in my thick dark red blanket from my car and gave me a pillow for the couch. I curled up on my left side, (my leg no longer protesting), facing out and buried my face in the pillow. I must have dosed off for only twenty minutes when I remember hearing the boys, who were gettin' their sleeping bags situated next to me, talking in low voices.

I guess they thought I'd conked out already…or perhaps, had no idea how keen my hearing was. Either way, I got to listen in on their conversation…about me.

"I really feel bad for her Dean." Sam said in a soft voice, closer to me because Dean had wanted to sleep the furthest away. "I mean…damn, she just lost everything, except for Bobby."

"I do too, but there's nothin' we can do about it Sammy." Dean replied and made a soft grunt when he laid down into his sleeping bag.

I heard Sam lie down with a sigh and could sense by his energy how close he really was to the couch. If I did roll off the damned thing in my sleep, I would literally end up on top of him. Thankfully I don't tend to move, so I knew instinctively he just wanted to be close without making it obvious.

"You like her, don't you." Sam stated to his brother in a low rumble.

Dean scoffed, "she's got one helluva a right hook, I'll give you that." He replied and I kept my face as still as possible, even though I wanted to smile.

"Dean that's not what I meant." Sam began to say in a flat tone when he was interrupted.

"Ya, ya I know." Dean said and I could feel him gazing at me, "Well let's see… She's a Hunter, she's a smart ass, she can handle herself…and ya, I'll admit it, she's very easy on the eyes." He explained and shifted in his sleeping bag. "But we already know who she's gunnin' for."

Sam seemed to think about it for a moment when he spat, "Wait, what?"

"You know what I'm talkin' about Sammy." Dean countered, a smile evident in his voice.

"Me? Ya right." Sam chimed but I could tell he knew he was full of shit.

"Ya-huh," Dean spat sarcastically, "I mean come on…she did come real close to kickin' my ass Sammy, and that says something."

Sam was quiet for a long time…I guess he didn't know what to say to that.

"Then again…if you two did get cozy, wouldn't that be like…incest?" Dean added in a funny voice and I heard Sam thwap him with his pillow. "Hey!" Dean exclaimed a little too loudly followed by Sam shushing him.

"God Dean," Sam grumbled and I could hear Dean chuckling into his pillow as Sam got resituated. "Go to sleep."

Hearing that caused a small tremor of laughter to fill my chest and I had to move or they'd see me laugh. So I mumbled softly, feigning sleep and curled up closer to my pillow, hiding my face.

There was a long silence until I heard Dean very softly, rumble out, "She sure is pretty when she's asleep."

"Yea," Sam added, a strange emotion in his voice, "she is."

I made no movement, knowing that Sam was now facing me. Instead, I tried to make my body relax enough to sleep…hoping that I wouldn't dream.

* * * * *

I was jolted awake by the sound of screaming…and when I blinked the sleep from eyes I'd realized…it had been in my head. A nightmare. I let out a long whooshing sigh, wiped at my face…and let out a hiss because the flesh was still tender but noticed something cold and wet. I looked at my right hand and noticed I'd been crying. "Great…" I growled to myself and relaxed back against the couch.

"Tora, you alright?" Sam rumbled next to me and I glanced over, able to see him because of the light bleeding into the room we were in from a small light in the kitchen.

"Ya I'm okay." I answered and cleared my throat, hoping he hadn't noticed the tears on my face. "Just a nightmare, not uncommon."

He studied my face carefully, lying on his stomach, the right side of his face pressed into his pillow. Dean was knocked out, snoring softly next to him. "Must've been a real bad one." He added and I furrowed my brow at him.

"Why do you say that?" I asked in a hushed voice and pulled the blanket closer around me.

Sam sat up on his elbows, his wavy brown hair a mess around his eyes, "you were whimpering. It sounded like you were crying." He explained, his gaze filled with concern.

"Oh…" I uttered softly and licked my lips, "I didn't wake you, did I?"

He gave me a small smile that appeared almost apologetic. "No, I was already awake. Couldn't sleep." Sam said softly and had a bashful tone to his deep voice.

I studied his expression, the lines of his face…sensing that he'd been watching me as I slept. I grew a half smile, "How long were you watching me sleep before I started whimpering?" I asked in a warm voice, knowing that he'd feel very embarrassed that I'd caught him.

A slight rouge danced across his cheeks as a bashful smile stretched the valley of his lips. "Ya…" He muttered and cleared his throat, "about ten minutes." He said and I could see him swallow.

I didn't know what to say… Because when I'd meet his eyes, I'd feel myself blush and bury my face in the pillow…only to hear him chuckle at me. I wasn't trying to be cute…he just had this affect on me no one else had. It wasn't right…I wasn't known to get giddy like this around men. Period. It just wasn't natural. Or so I kept telling myself every time I'd go to look at him and he was just gazing back at me, with a small smile on his lips. I don't know what the hell was compelling me to keep doing that…but I couldn't help it. The boy was something I liked lookin' at…I just wish he wasn't lookin' back at me when I did.

"Can I ask you something?" Sam asked, a curious but fearful tone in his voice. Probably afraid that I'd think it was too personal and just shut him out.

Questions never bothered me, especially if it was someone I didn't immediately dislike. "Sure." I replied and watched him worry his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. "What's up?"

"Are you seeing anyone?" He asked carefully and I grew a funny look. "Well, I mean…I know how left field that was and you know, if that's too personal you don't have to answer…"

I chuckled, he was cute when he rambled, "No it's not too personal." I said cutting him off and met his eyes. "I'm not seeing anyone…not that I really could anyway, what with Hunting taking up my entire life. And not to mention the fact of how dangerous it is and could be to a civilian." I explained and watched him nod, "how about you? Seein' someone I mean?"

"Seeing someone?" He repeated the question and I nodded. "Well…no."

I felt a crease form between my brow. I could sense he was single, but the way he answered me…it was like he wasn't sure. "So you don't have a steady girlfriend?" I asked, rewording my question.

"No steady girlfriend." He replied and I nodded, pursing my lips together, thinking. "You don't believe me…"

"It's not that," I started to say, trying to find the right words. "It's just the way you answered, as though you weren't sure. That's all." I stopped and gave him a curious smile, "wait…why are we talking about this again?" I knew why…I just wanted to hear him say it. Honestly…he had the kind of a voice I could listen to for hours.

"I don't know," Sam said and managed to look embarrassed at himself for asking me in the first place. "Making conversation I guess?"

My brows were raised, a look of, 'uh-huh, sure' written in the smile that danced across my lips. "_Right_…" I chimed and shared a soft laugh with him. "It's alright Sam… I mean, we're adults…I know you find me slightly attractive and I kinda think you're cute too. And as far as I'm concerned, we're allowed to flirt with each other if we want to."

He smiled bashfully, looked down, nodded and brought his gaze back to mine, licking his lips. "That's a very interesting way of looking at it." Sam said with another small laugh.

I just held a partial grin on my face, knowing I was once again, blushing…but didn't hide it. "Well? It's only natural when two people find each other attractive." I explained matter-of-factly and very lightly, bit into my bottom lip.

Sam searched my eyes, his smile still there…but somehow serious in the dim light. It seemed as if he were about to say something that I knew would cause a deeper tension to build between us…when we were both stopped…

By the most horrendous sounding fart that seemed to explode from Dean's ass. It was so friggin' loud I think his ass cheeks actually vibrated from the gas erupting outta him as though he were propelling himself through space.

Our eyes locked, both wide eyed and before we could stop ourselves, ended up falling into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Dean grumbled and muttered in a half coherent sounding voice, "damn it Sammy…no more beans." and went back to snoring…

I had to shove my face in my pillow or I would have completely lost it. As I struggled with my breath, I suddenly caught the stench hanging in the air from Dean's musical fart. "Sweet Jesus! That's just not right!" I exclaimed gagging, my eyes watering, as I managed to cover my mouth just in time to look over to Sam who was already out of his sleeping bag and standing over me.

"Quick let me get you up, before you pass out from the fumes." He said under his left hand covering his mouth and offered me his right hand, which I took so we could quickly get to fresh air.

Limping, my blanket still wrapped partially around me, the other portion dragging out behind me like a half-assed version of Dracula's billowing cape. We headed out onto the front porch and I motioned to sit down at the small steps.

Once seated, I could feel the desperate need for the cool fresh air. I inhaled a blessed lungful as Sam sat down to my direct left and we both coughed and laughed.

"Oh my god," I spat through giggles and shook my head, "thank god no one lit a match or the whole house would have been catapulted into the void of space like a Lunar Lander crash landing on the face of the moon."

Sam laughed and wrapped his arms carefully around himself, obviously not dressed for the cold night air. "Ya I don't think Bobby would've been too happy about that." He said while rubbing his arms.

"No I doubt it." I laughed and noticed that due to him rubbing his arms for warmth, small red lines began to bleed through his bandages. "Jesus you're freezing, here." I exclaimed and unraveled the blanket, motioning for him to get under it. "It's big enough to cover both us, so don't argue."

"Yes Ma'am." Sam said with a soft laugh and draped it over his broad shoulders, causing us to basically squish next to each other underneath for warmth. "Wow you weren't kidding." He exclaimed, surprised that my blanket was big enough to completely wrap around us and still have some left to spare.

I shivered due to the cold air he'd let in when he'd covered himself and smirked, "I love this blanket." I said, teeth chattering and felt my heart do a kamikaze back flip into my throat when he extended his right arm and placed it over my shoulders, pulling me closer and began rubbing my right arm with his hand, trying to warm me up.

Here's the strange thing…one of those weird abilities I have that no one knew about…well, besides John. As Sam rubbed his hand over my flesh in an attempt to warm me up, I caught the faintest scent of something…familiar. I parted my jaws just enough to allow the scent to pass over my tongue, allowing me to taste it to see if I could distinguish what the hell it was. It was the slightest bit of copper…a rusty smell I immediately recognized. The blood that had seeped through his bandages had somehow managed to catch my attention.

"How're your arms doin'?" I asked softly, now focused on the fact that he was bleeding through the gauze.

This struck Sam as odd, "My arms?" He asked, a crease in his brow as he looked over at me, to which I gave a nod. He frowned, puzzled by my question. "Uh, they're fine, why?"

I let out a sigh and shook my head. "Don't play dumb Sam." I stated in a warm tone and noticed he really wasn't following. Thick-headed Winchester. "You were cut by the Ghouls…and you're bleeding through your bandages."

His eyes widened, brought his left arm into view for inspection, once again allowing more cold air to rush under the blanket. It's only then that he noticed the blossoming of red against the white of his bandages. "Oh shit…" Sam spat under his breath and pulled the blanket closer, his eyes on mine with a curious gleam in them. "How'd you know they were bleeding?"

"Well…" I trailed off, really unable to find the right words to cover up the simple fact that I could Smell it. Ya, not somethin' you wanna tell someone…they tend to think you're just shy four cans out of a six pack. "I felt it against my back." I lied, sorta… Even though I could kinda feel the slight stain of his blood against the thin material on the back of my shirt.

Sam immediately pulled the blanket up and away from my back, allowing the soft glow from the porch light to examine my statement. Apparently…there was a small line of a stain there because he softly exclaimed, "Damn Tora… I'm sorry."

I shook my head, "Nonsense Sam. Just cover me back up, it's no big deal. Besides, it's just an old shirt." I explained and motioned for him to cover me up before I froze to death.

Once we were securely beneath the blanket again I murmured, "Just don't forget to check on the bandages in the morning. You're wounds should be fine until then."

He wore a half smile, his dimples showing. "I will, thanks." Sam replied in a deep rumbling voice that caused the fine hairs along my spine to bristle and stand on end.

I don't know why I did it, but for some reason…it just felt like the right thing to do. I buried myself against him, placing my head against his chest, my legs pressed up against his while holding a piece of the blanket in place so it wouldn't come undone.

"Mmm You're warm." I purred in a low voice and felt his right hand, which was on my arm, gently squeeze the flesh.

"You too." He replied in a husky timber and even though his heart was racing deep within his chest…the tension between us damn near tangible… We didn't move. We just sat that way on the small steps of the porch, curled up under my big ass blanket…enjoying the warmth of each other's company.

It was nice…it almost felt…normal…and strangely, safe.

* * * * *

I don't remember falling asleep…I just remember feeling very warm and content as we sat outside in silence. Next thing I knew, I felt the warmth of someone's soft lips against my forehead causing my eyes to flutter open. I instinctively knew I was safe with someone…otherwise I might have attacked him without realizing it.

"Hey," Sam said softly as I blinked up at him. "Ready to go inside?"

I let out a yawn, "how long was I out?" I asked and felt sleep still pulling me back.

"Not long." He replied with a yawn of his own and rubbed my arm as I slowly sat up.

"Think it's safe to go back inside?" I asked when another yawn broke through me, causing Sam to do the same.

He nodded, "I'm sure it's gone by now." He said and chuckled. "Come on, before you fall asleep out here."

"Okay." I said softly and allowed him to help me up and back inside.

We crept back into the room and thankfully, the stench was long gone. I couldn't help but giggle at the memory of Dean's ass blaring like a foghorn out at sea.

Sam helped me back over to the couch, but I had a different thought. I blame being half asleep for my sudden epiphany. "Hey Sam…" I murmured and he gave me curious eyes. "You know…uhm, if it's okay…maybe I could curl up with you? You know, on top of the sleeping bag and we can share my blanket?" My voice was barely audible when I asked…a part of me afraid of being rejected.

An incredibly sweet smile dawned across his lips, his dimples showing, causing his eyes to sparkle. "You sure? I mean, if that's what you want?" He asked in a deep rumble and all I could do was give a sheepish nod.

I grabbed my pillow from the couch as he set the sleeping bag up for both of us to lay on. "Here, let me help you." He offered and helped me ease myself down onto the sleeping bag, lying on my right side, facing the couch when I felt his long frame curl up behind me, placing my blanket over us.

I tucked my right arm underneath my pillow, cradling it against my face and had to hold my breath at the feeling of Sam's right arm extending underneath my neck, his hand sticking out in front of me. I sat up and relaxed against him, hoping I wouldn't make his arm bleed more or have it go numb from the weight. "Are you comfortable?" I asked in a whisper and felt his knees pressing up against the back of my knees, fitting perfectly behind me.

"Almost." He rumbled in reply as he draped his left arm over my waist…and before I knew what I was doing, the fingers of my much smaller hand were intertwined with his, blanket draped over us…and felt the weight of sleep pulling me away.

Just as that sweet darkness was carrying me off to blissful unconsciousness I felt the heat of his breath against the back of my head, followed by the deep timber of his voice when he said, "Sweet dreams Tora…" and with a slight smile on my lips… I was swept away…

* * * * *

**8:26am, Morning**

Warmth all around me, the feeling, a silent awareness that I was safe… God, how long had it been since I'd ever felt safe? Not even as a Child had I felt safe. I knew there were things, bad things, that were out there…hunting…waiting… For that single moment of weakness…especially being so young. I'd known like any other animal on this planet, that I was easy prey, being so small and naturally unable to truly protect or defend myself. An instinct that as time passed only became more apparent, which is how I stayed alive for so many years as a Hunter.

As I laid there, the blanket over me…the heat of Sam's more powerful frame pressed protectively against me… I knew what being safe in someone's arms truly meant. I knew on some deeper level, that being this close to a man I'd never really known, allowing him to be this close to me in such a vulnerable state… There was a connection. I don't know how I knew that, or why I wasn't bothered by it… But I could feel it, especially when I first looked into his blue/green eyes lit by the firelight of that terrible night. Perhaps he felt it too, which may have explained his reaction to me and the way he'd put himself in the middle when Dean and I began butting heads.

There was something else I began to consider as I remained lying there with Sam's left arm draped over my waist, his face close to the back of my head, his breathing even as he slept. Maybe it was in the blood, Sam's blood that called to me. Something…special about him. That could possibly explain why I'd fought with Dean, like I had with John so long ago it seemed… And the deep connection with my little brother. Raising Adam, who shared that blood… The same essence that flowed through Sam's veins. But it wasn't that, I'm sure of it. No, Sam was different.

Maybe John had been right… About me being linked with his boys…with his youngest. I'd never really thought about it 'til just then. Sam was unique…and so was I.

"Now that's just cute." I heard Dean chime, which broke my internal dialogue and caused my eyes began to flutter open, soft streams of daylight pooling into the house.

I felt Sam's chest rise as he sucked in a deep breath, pressing his firm body against me causing my eyes to snap open. I must've jumped a little because I felt him shift behind me, so that he was leaning on his right elbow, gazing down at me.

"Oh hey, I'm sorry." Sam rumbled out, his hair falling down over his eyes as I turned onto my back, looking up into his sleepy face. He looked adorable… "I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, you're okay." I growled, my voice very deep due to sleeping hard. "What time is it?" I asked, and felt his left arm move away from my waist so he could run his hand through his hair and check his watch.

It was Dean that answered, "Almost 8:30." He announced with a smug tone in his voice…which meant he was going to be teasing us about waking up and finding us sleeping next each other.

We, Sam and I, shared a slightly embarrassed look as I motioned for him to sit back so I could sit up.

"Good morning Dean…" I chimed with a snide lilt to my growl of a voice and began to get up…thankfully, my leg had grown a bit stronger and I was able to get up on my own. Standing up straight, I stretched like a cat; back arched, chest pushed out and let out a yawn, ignoring the burning sensation of Dean's heated gaze.

"Mmhmm… Yes it is…" Was Dean's husky sounding reply causing me to pause and turn curious eyes toward him, where I found his face hiding behind his coffee cup as he feigned a drink… His gaze however, sparkled mischievously…telling me more than I really wanted to know.

Sam cleared his throat, now standing to my direct right, and broke Dean's heavy stare from mine. "Where's Bobby?" He asked barely hiding the fact that he didn't enjoy the look his big brother was giving me.

Dean shrugged, "Said he had to run a few errands and he'd be back in a few." He explained and watched as I began to limp slowly, very much like a zombie, across the room into the kitchen, unaided. "You sure it's a good idea for you to be walkin' around on your own?"

"Coffee." Was my snarl of a reply, which was followed by a chorus of low laughter from the boys as I dragged my body into the kitchen and got myself a cup.

"Wow, ain't she just a bucket of sunshine this morning," Dean muttered sarcastically as the boys followed me into the kitchen. "what'd you two do last night when I passed out?"

After swallowing the mouthful of coffee I quipped, "you mean after you passed gas…" and paused, my back facing them and heard Sam snort back a laugh.

"What was that?" Dean asked in a careful voice, not sure he'd heard me right.

I turned and leaned my back against the counter. "Huh?" I asked ever so sweetly and watched him blink at me, Sam meanwhile getting himself a cup of coffee…fighting in desperation not to laugh at my reference to Dean's ass exploding last night.

"You just muttered something." Dean stated as if he'd caught me.

I continued to play oblivious. "I did?" I asked with my eyes wide and confused.

Sam was starting to giggle…causing Dean to grow a crease of frustration through his brow.

"I don't know what you two are playin' at, but ain't funny." Dean spat, not liking that he wasn't in on the joke. "So cut the crap and fess up."

I let my eyes fall to Sam as he finally turned, leaning against the counter to my left, his lips obviously fighting the urge to smile. "Just something funny we talked about last night." He lied and I couldn't help but giggle. This made Sam's nostrils flare, wanting so badly to laugh…instead he coughed and cleared his throat, "really funny."

Dean eyed us carefully as if we were holding some terrible secret he really needed Intel on. "It's about me isn't it…" He said more of a statement then a question…

I lost it. I couldn't keep in the laughter anymore and almost dropped my damned coffee but thankfully got it behind me on the counter just in time.

Dean's eyes bulged at my reaction and only became more confused when Sam joined my hysteria, both of us bustling like hyenas. "The hell did I miss?!" He snapped, completely at a loss as to why we were rolling hysterically.

"Damn it Sammy!" I managed through giggles and it only made it worse.

Without missing a beat, Sam added, "no more beans!" and that caused us to collapse against each other, literally laughing so hard we were red in the face.

Dean just stood there…stunned into silence. He probably thought we'd completely lost our marbles… Because when Sam and I glanced over, seeing his jaw slack and his eyes almost afraid of us, we began snorting and just roared harder.

"What the hell is goin' on in here?" Bobby announced coming into the kitchen only to witness as I first fell hard onto my ass, followed by Sam shortly after… "Uh…" He just stood next to Dean, his eyes narrowed, "they get into any of my cabinets?"

We began cackling at this point, unable to stop the laughter peeling out of us.

Next thing we knew, Dean began to crack up, our insanity infectious. "Hell if I know Bobby," he struggled out in reply, "but whatever it is…it's gotta be some pretty good shit."

Hearing Dean beginning to snicker and Bobby chuckling despite himself… I shot up, causing everyone to pause and look at me quizzically when I threw my right hand up, index finger extended and announced, "Beans!"

Bobby's eyes shot wide, his nostrils flared and he let out a deep snort that broke the silence, Dean's face crumbled, his dumbfounded expression dissolving into hilarity. I met Sam's sparkling eyes for a moment before we looked back to the Old Hunter and the look on Bobby's face after he snorted…that did it, causing a cascade effect that drowned the room into thunderous laughter

I believe it was stress relief…being that everyone had been so anxious and tense for the past two days. We laughed until tears graced everyone's cheeks…and when Bobby had to sit himself down at the table to get his bearings, we began to calm down or I'm sure there would've been permanent brain damage from the lack of oxygen getting to everyone's brain.

After about five full minutes of madness… I decided to explain why me and Sam had lost it in the first place. "Reason why we started crackin' up earlier," I took a breath, my face hurting, "is because last night…Dean's ass exploded."

"What?" Dean barked with a surprised laugh and gave me wide eyes. "You're lying."

Sam shook his head, the last of his giggles dying away, "No Dean, Dead serious. Your ass didn't explode it was like a damned foghorn."

"Okay Damn it! Enough!" Bobby spat with a laugh, "stop before you give this old man a coronary."

"It wasn't just the sound but god the smell…" I explained, watching Dean's unconvinced expression. "I'm sorry honey but I don't know what you ate…because holy hell it was rank."

"But that's not even the best part." Sam interrupted and I had to struggle for breath because I was giggling again. "You actually said, 'damn it Sammy…no more beans' and started snoring again."

"I didn't." Dean retorted in his own defense, even though he was grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh you so did." I exclaimed and slowly got back on my feet, "darlin', the smell was so bad we had to go OUTSIDE for awhile just so we could breathe."

Dean's brow furrowed at me, "Okay now you're full of shit." He tried to counter but Sam spoke up on my behalf.

"Nope, she's not." Sam said and stood next to me and took his coffee back from the counter. "You cleared house."

I'd retrieved my coffee as well and before I took another drink I added, "Hell Bobby, I'm surprised the stink didn't pull you outta your sleep."

The look in his eyes told me he was about to make on helluva comment when he said, "If it's as bad as you two say it was, I'm just lucky to be alive."

I had thankfully waited to take another drink… Sam and Dean, just weren't as lucky and damned near choked with laughter.

"Nice one Bobby." I chimed with a chuckle and then had another drink while the boys fought to not turn a funny shade of purple.

Bobby grinned, "Eh…I try." He chimed and chuckled to himself as the boys finally regained their composure. "Alright, now that everyone's breathing, time to talk about a few potential cases."

This caused everyone to sober. "Nearby?" I asked and Bobby nodded.

"A couple of'em yes, but the other two are southwest of here." He explained and started going through a few pages he'd brought in, having set them on the kitchen table before our little burst of silliness. "I'll read'em to you and you let me know which one tickles your fancy."

As he said this I walked the small distance to the table and took the empty seat to his right. The boys followed suit; Dean to Bobby's left, across from me and Sam to my right, across from Bobby.

He went over the list and some struck the boys' curiosity. Bobby knew however, that it took a real nasty kind of case to get my attention…which is why he'd saved the best for last.

"This one, I think you," he looked to me when he said this, "will find interesting." Bobby said and instead of reading aloud, he merely handed me the page.

As soon as I skimmed over the strange article… I knew what I was looking at and it made my eyes widen. "My god… Two of'em?" I asked in a quiet tone and felt the boys looking between us, curious.

"Afraid so." Bobby replied and noticed the odd looks from Sam and Dean. "Incubus, hunting together in the same area for the last several weeks."

"Where at?" Dean asked and I handed him the paper. His brows shot up, "Phoenix, Arizona?"

"That's kinda far for me." I explained, "I have to replace the radiator before I go and take another long trip, especially out to the desert." I took another drink of my coffee, "I don't mind stayin' here while you guys take the job. Besides, I could use the down time."

"Well you know, I could help you with that." Dean offered and I shook my head at him.

"It's all good, I got it. Besides, if I remembered correctly, those Incubi won't be in that area for much longer." I said and looked to Bobby, "about another week or so and they'll move on, right?"

He searched my eyes, knowing that I was never one to just hand over a case. "They'll take over an area for a month and move on. They're pretty smart when it comes to coverin' their tracks. So it'd be best if we left later today." Bobby explained and met my gaze, "you sure you wanna sit this one out?"

"Well you know you could always ride with Bobby or with us," Sam began to say and motioned to his brother who nodded in agreement, "you can just leave your car here until we get back."

I shook my head with a little smile, "Bobby knows I don't go anywhere without Eleanor." I replied and tapped the tips of my fingers against the smooth surface of my coffee cup. "And be to perfectly honest… I'm just, not ready yet. I need to…just, take some time to clear my head."

I could see the compassion on Sam's face when his jaws clenched and he nodded. "I understand." He said sounding a bit disappointed that I wouldn't be going with them.

I would've gone…but there were a few things I needed to do. And Bobby knew it wasn't the radiator. That was an easy job, and normally I wouldn't just do that but check everything, make sure the fluid levels were good, check the breaks etc…a tune up in a sense, and that could've been done in a day. I really needed some time to get my head together and I was still a little sore in my leg, which was nothing but a deep bruise above my kneecap.

I suppose in a way…I needed time to mourn…

*** * * *End Part Five* * * ***


	6. Part 6 :: Motor Oil, Hot Cocoa

**[Onyx's Note:: **Thank you Beckboo78 for the sweet review :D. Yea, I figured the best way to get Tora and Sam alone is for Dean to be musical in his sleep...and I figured it would be hysterical because of how gassy Jared is in real life lol(backwards, but funny). Alright, now...in this 'installment' Tora and Dean end up bonding over some Rootbeer...*_grins_* and on that note, Enjoy!**]**

* * *

After a shower and something to eat, I put on a raggedy old dark gray shirt, a pair of tattered faded blue jeans and pulled my hair back into a pony tail. Permanent grease stains covered my work clothes. I had a pair of grease stains along the thighs of my pants and another large grease smear covering both ass cheeks. An old friend of mine thought it would be funny to anoint the back of my jeans with his greasy hands.

It was around one in the afternoon when I'd decided to start workin' on my baby. With a few dark rags sticking out of my jean pockets I went over to my car and popped the hood. I got everything set up to do an oil change first.

The work was tedious. Having to get her front end up on blocks with Bobby's help, we made damned sure that my beast of a car wouldn't collapse on top of me. I went to work quickly and after flushing out the old oil and managing to get most of into the pan, as well as a few globs on my forehead, I was able to clean up my mess and add the fresh oil. We checked underneath, making sure everything was up to speed and proceeded to put her back down on all wheels.

I went over the other fluid levels, checked the battery and found she was running just fine. Due to the fact that I do everything in a slow, methodical manner… It wasn't until around four in the afternoon that I'd dropped the hood and allowed myself to stop for the rest of the day, seeing that Bobby and the boys would be leaving in an hour.

Leaning against her grill I used one of my slightly cleaner rags to wipe the smudge of grease from my forehead when Dean approached me holding an open bottle of root beer in each hand and had a funny kind of smile on his lips.

"Thought I'd offer you a cold one." He announced and handed me one of the root beers, which I took with an appreciative smile. "Sorry it's not a brew, but I'll be drivin' pretty soon and you know how Bobby gets."

"Yea, but this is just as good." I smiled, "Thanks." I replied and took a slow drink, enjoying the cold that danced down my throat and pooled in my stomach. After swallowing the cool root beer I asked, "where's Sam and Bobby?"

He'd just taken a drink of his own root beer and had to clear his throat to speak. "Doin' some research before we head out." Dean replied and grew a thoughtful look, "mind telling me why you're staying?"

My brow furrowed. "I already told you." I said slowly, knowing he was fishing.

"I know you need some time for yourself, I get that. But from what Bobby's told me, you're not one for missin' out on a case like this." He explained, "so what is it really?"

The way he'd approached me…the way Dean had worded himself… I was suddenly having a flashback of John when we sat in Kate's kitchen and he'd asked my why I was leaving. I had to look somewhere else as I took another drink of my root beer, forcing down the lump that tried to swell into my throat. "I need to get my head together." I said finally and licked my lips. "And I doubt I'd be any good to you guys right now."

"Alright," Dean replied getting my attention. "Just makin' sure you haven't change your mind."

"Tell me somethin' Winchester," I studied his face, "is that you asking…or you asking on Sam's behalf?" I asked and saw the half smirk pull at the edge of his full lips.

"Oh yea, give him all the credit," he chuckled, "He didn't put me up to this, if that's what you think." Dean explained and glanced over to the house, making sure Sam wasn't within earshot. "Sam likes you," he brought his eyes back to mine, "and I know he'd feel better if you came along."

"Look, that's awful sweet but I've made up my mind." I said with a sigh, "unless he stays here, which I doubt he will, there's not much anyone can do about it." I replied and when I realized what I'd just said…I watched Dean grow an idea. "Wait, that wasn't my way of implying anything…"

Dean cut me off with a wave of his hand. "Now hold on a second," he said with a smile, "it's not a bad idea." He paused long enough to sit back against my car to my left. "Let's say I convince him to stay while me and Bobby go to Phoenix… Think you'd mind the company for a few days?"

I liked Sam…probably more than I was willing to admit, but I didn't want him to stay because of me. "Family and Hunting comes first and I don't want to get in the way. I don't want to interfere with the job…"

Dean just wouldn't have it. "You're not." He said getting my attention. "Let me ask ya somethin', you tellin' me you wouldn't like havin' Sammy all to yourself for the next few days?" Before I could give him an answer, Dean added, "He's house trained and everything."

I chuckled despite the nervous ball of energy beginning to expand in my stomach. "That is an appealing quality." I retorted and got a small laugh outta Dean for my remark.

"And the way I see it…" Dean said, scooted a little closer and rumbled in possibly the deepest octave I've ever heard come out of his mouth, just dripping with all kinds of naughty intentions, "bet you could teach him a few new tricks."

"God!" I barked and slugged him playfully in the shoulder, fighting my face from turning all kinds of red.

A very masculine laugh thundered away from his grinning mouth, which felt a little too personal when he sobered enough to quip, "You can call me Dean." and wiggled his brow at me.

I gave him a disbelieving look until he pushed his bottom lip forward, pouting at me… My resolve crumbled and I laughed, shaking my head at him. "You're intolerable, ya know that?" I spat with a playful lilt to my voice and he smirked.

"What can I say? Chicks dig me." He replied with a cocky lull and took a drink of his root beer.

I snorted a laugh and sighed, "unbelievable." I muttered and began to take another drink myself, when Dean decided to use the huskiest, soul shivering timber that I'm sure was pretty damned illegal in several countries.

"You have no idea, baby." He growled into my left ear and I froze.

It took my brain about fifteen seconds to get the hamster back onto the wheel, slapped it on its furry little ass and I was able to think again. Thank the great spirit that I had decided to pause before swallowing my mouthful of root beer as he spoke, or I'm pretty sure I would've choked to death.

He licked his lips in a lazy line, his green eyes mischievous. That sonuvabitch was thoroughly enjoying the fact that I'm pretty sure 97% of my blood flow had decided to rush into my face causing me to glow like a radioactive tomato under the afternoon sun.

"I…" It was one of the first times in my life that I couldn't speak. I cleared my throat and tried again, "I hate you right now," I muttered and watched a pleased grin adorn Dean's face.

"You're too easy." He said with that cocky fuckin' tone and I glared death in his direction, "Oh come on…you soo had it comin'."

"Ass." I clipped between clenched teeth and he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Bitch." He snapped without missing a beat and held my eyes in a staring competition.

"Whore." I spat, an evil smile stretching my lips.

Dean mirrored my expression and shot back, "Prude."

"Rectum!" I said and Dean blinked at me.

"Seriously?" He said with a quirked brow, "That's your comeback?"

"How about Douche Bag?" I chimed in a bittersweet tone and watched the lines of his face shift to disgust.

"That's bush-league princess." Dean said, acting unimpressed and I smirked.

"Well…" I trailed off just long enough for him to begin drinking more of his root beer and chimed, "I was going to call you an Anal Dwelling Butt Monkey."

He jerked, eyes bulging and before I knew it a spray of root beer not only flew out of his mouth, but it shot right out of his nose as he began gagging and coughing.

I exploded with laughter. "Payback's a bitch!" I exclaimed with biggest shit-eating-grin of triumph on my face as Dean continued coughing and hacking and ended up turning away from me to clean himself.

After a moment, he turned back to me, eyes blood shot, cheeks flushed, "you are soo gonna pay for that." Dean croaked out and let out another cough that made me chuckle at him.

"Whatever…anal dwelling butt monkey." I muttered under my breath and fought the grin on my face as Dean was once again, fighting the muscles in his face to keep scowling at me…his lips twitching, wanting to curve into a smile.

"You just wait Tora," Dean began to say, his eyes becoming slits, "when me and Bobby finish with the job… I'm gonna get you back."

I rolled my eyes, brought my gaze forward and said with an unimpressed tone, "Promises, promises…"

There was a few seconds where I felt him glaring fire into the left side of my head and finally peeked over at him. When I did, I witnessed his face twitch again…felt mine do the same…and the next thing we knew, we were cracking up at our own stupidity.

"Man…" Dean said after finally sobering after our shared outburst and gave me his eyes; a warm smile pulling at his lips, both dimples visible, "I'm startin' to wonder if Sam's gonna be safe with you all by himself."

I furrowed my brow at him, smiled and shook my head. "He'll be just fine…as long as he doesn't piss me off." I replied with a chuckle and leaned back against my car.

Dean searched my face for a moment, "so we're good about him staying?" He asked and after a moment of consideration…I gave a nod and he added, "alright then." Dean grinned at me, "Excellent!"

My face went calm, that damned ball of nervous energy twisting in my stomach, "but it does not mean that he's stayin' to get laid." My voice was even when I said that and gave Dean my eyes, "We clear?"

Dean blinked at me, "hey that's up to him, sweetheart." He realized what he'd just said was only making me think otherwise. "Look, he's not like that. Sam's a good kid, despite his geek boy habits. He seems to have a genuine interest in you. Hell, I haven't seen him this sweet on someone since Madi…" Dean stopped himself and I noticed a glimmer of pain dance through his eyes before he got a hold of his emotions and put on a small smile. "Sides, maybe this'll do him some good, spending some _quality_ time with you." He wiggled his brow at me and nudged me with his right shoulder.

I narrowed my eyes at him and thwapped him playfully in the arm. "God Dean, you're terrible." I chimed with a low laugh when our attention was brought over to the house.

It was Bobby, holding a duffel. "Alright, let's get this done." He exclaimed and trotted down the small flight of steps and started towards his car.

"Be with you in a sec Bobby." Dean announced, gave me a wink and went back into the house.

I took a very deep, needed breath and proceeded to chug the contents of my root beer. The cold wave hit my stomach in a rush and I was forced to catch my breath from the sudden internal temperature change.

God what hell was I doing…allowing Dean to talk his baby brother into staying at the house with me. This wasn't something I did. I never let anyone get close to me…ever. I'd learned a long time ago, the less people in my life, the better. After losing John which really broke me and now my Adam, Kate… I couldn't do it anymore.

I'd lost so much and I was trying to keep a calm front up…but inside I was broken. I was falling a part at the seams and the last thing I wanted was quality time with a beautiful, sensitive stranger. So why didn't I just stop Dean in the first place? Was I really losing my edge?

No it wasn't that… I think it was a deeper part of me that wanted this. A darker area of my brain that woke up and sensed something in Sam that I'd never felt with anyone before. So why hadn't I fought harder? Because I was tired of fighting…I was tired of pushing everyone away. And maybe…I was tired of being so god damned lonely. I'd had someone once, another Hunter like me…and I was actually happy. But with anything that pure comes with a price…and within seven months I was burning what was left of his body. That's the perks of Hunting… You can always count on being alone in the end.

I finished off my bottle and started for the house. Sweaty, tired and a little hungry…my mind was on a completely different plain when I damn near ran into the boys while walking back into the house.

"Well, you two have fun!" Dean announced sounding ever so damned chipper and I just gave him a flat look.

"Loads." I muttered in reply and watched him as he stepped out onto the porch and vanished out of view. I'm sure Bobby was gonna find it all kinds of interesting that Sam was going to keep company while they took the one job I would've jumped on…had it been any other point in time.

God I was in a crappy mood.

I turned my eyes to Sam and felt my resolve crumble. He gave off this very sweet, innocent charm, and it was so fucking disarming. He had this strange presence about him that really got under my skin and made my anger back away, replaced by softer emotions that I really wasn't used to having. It caused that crappy feeling to dwindle and I was left with a stupid half smile hanging from my lips. "I guess Dean convinced you to stay?" I asked in a soft voice, one I wasn't really known for using, and watched a shy smile stretch his lips.

He ran a hand through his hair, one of his signature nervous ticks and looked down at me, his dimples showing. "He mentioned you wouldn't mind me being here." Sam replied, slightly nervous.

"And you're really okay with that?" I asked, wanting to make damned sure this is what he wanted.

Sam worried his bottom lip between his teeth and rumbled out, "As long as you're okay with it?"

I just shook my head smiling. "I'm five by five, big guy." I said and motioned to the kitchen. "Now, I was thinkin'," I began to say as he followed my footsteps into the house, "I'll take another shower and make us something to eat. How does that sound?"

We stopped in the kitchen, near the table and Sam put his hands in his pockets. "Sounds good." He replied, voice low, cheeks slightly flushed. It made me wonder if he was like this with every girl he thought was pretty.

Lord knows I was never this sweet on someone this fast… I was never this nice either. Ever since I was a kid, I'd had a strong dislike for the male species. So even when I had male friends, they knew to never treat me like a poor defenseless damsel in distress, because I just wouldn't have it. I could take damn good care of myself and if they didn't like it or didn't know how to accept me as an equal…they just weren't worth my time.

So what was it about Sam that changed my attitude? Causin' me to soften my usual hardened exterior whenever I met his eyes… It was a whole new level to my personality that I hadn't known about and honestly…I was having a hard time dealing with it.

Maybe it was something in the air that was effecting my judgment? Huh…well, I guess I'll never know.

* * * * *

After another shower to get the sweat and oil smell off of me, I managed a hearty meal for dinner. Both stuffed, Sam and I sat out on the porch on the small steps, drinking from old mugs filled with soothing hot cocoa. I remember how the air filled with a strange warmth, charged with the energy of a distant storm. The sky becoming inflamed with deep magentas and majestic purples as the mother of night began to sweep an unseen hand against the lingering day, gently pushing it toward its sleep with the color of night and all its ethereal secrets to take its place. I peered up into the heavens and could taste the moisture forming in the atmosphere. The scent of rain swirling through my senses, telling me we were in for a midnight storm. Not a cold rain, but a warm rain with the promise of lightening and thunder.

"It's going to rain." I announced in a thoughtful tone, my eyes unfocused as my senses confirmed my instinctive observation.

Sam peered over at me as he sat to my left, a curious glint in his blue/green depths. "How can you tell?" He asked in a genuine tone of interest.

I gave a secretive smile and replied, "An old habit of mine. I can smell it." I explained and met his eyes. "Can't you?"

Sam considered my question for a moment, a crease just above his brow and shook his head, a slight smile on his lips. "No, not really." He answered honestly and I chuckled.

"Ah, well… Guess I'm just weird." I said and paused, "ya…weird like an animal." I said softly under my breath, thinking he wouldn't catch it.

But he did. "Nothin' weird about having keen senses." Sam explained and it was my turn to give him an inquisitive look. "It just means you have a higher chance of survival than most Hunters."

"That makes sense." I added thoughtfully, "probably explains why sirens and dog whistles make me want scream when I hear them."

"That's gotta suck." Sam replied and I nodded.

"Oh yea, big time." I said with a chuckle and he smiled.

We sat quietly for a few moments, enjoying each others company while the air became calm, leaving us with a sense of peace. It was nice, not having to speak… Just sitting there with a hot cup of cocoa…until Sam broke the silence.

"So…you and Adam," Sam began to say, sitting to my left, his voice careful as he asked, "you guys were really close?"

I nodded and had to take a moment to compose myself so my voice didn't appear broken when I spoke. "Very." I said in a quiet tone and took a breath, an attempt to ease the tension in my chest. "I really wish you could've known him." I added and looked into his eyes.

He managed a small smile, "Me too." Sam replied and held my gaze.

I didn't move to wipe my face when a single tear spilled from my right eye and began a wet trail along my flesh when Sam reached over with his left hand and used his thumb to brush it away for me.

"Heh… Thanks." I muttered softly with a sniffle and took another drink of my cocoa, trying so hard to keep my damned emotions from unleashing. "I hope you don't think I'm some cold-hearted bitch… I've just never been good with getting emotional in front of people."

I felt him place a tentative hand on my back, gently rubbing back and forth as he held his cup with his left hand. "No, I don't think that of you." Sam explained and leaned down a little to catch my weary gaze. "In fact…" he trailed off and wore an embarrassed smile, "I kinda think you're amazing. Well, with the way you took on Dean, and earlier today when you worked on your car."

I let out a dark chuckle, "self sufficient, suicidal and slightly distant." I chimed and added, "ya I'm a total catch."

Sam shook his head at me. "No… It's more than that Tora. You're different. And I mean that in a good way." He stumbled over his words but I could tell he was being genuine. "You were a good sister and from what Bobby tells me, you're one helluva Hunter. You know how to take care of yourself and you're a woman… That's saying something."

"You're kinda cute when you ramble." I said softly, smiling and watched him chuckle at himself. "Wanna know somethin'?"

He appeared to swallow nervously and searched my eyes. "What's that?" He asked in a timber that was deeper then I'd ever heard it.

I had to pause just to get my brain to function properly and said, "I honestly have no idea why you're attracted to me."

"To tell you the truth, I don't know why you're attracted me either." Sam replied and we both let out a laugh.

"Guess we're just destined to be attracted to fellow screw-ups." I chimed with a playful lilt and nudged his shoulder with mine and felt him wrap his arm around me, bringing me against him in a half hug for a moment.

He lingered and I allowed it, until the tension began to seep out into the air around us and he cleared his throat, finally removing his arm from my back and placed both hands on his cup.

"Look, this is gonna seem left field, but I gotta be straight with you…" I began to say, voice soft, face unreadable and felt the nervous energy sweeping through Sam as he listened attentively. I let out a sigh and gave him my eyes, "you being here…god this is gonna come out harsh," I paused and shook my head at myself and tried again, "having you here with me is great and all…but I hope you don't think you're gonna get sex out of it."

His eyes widened drastically and he almost seemed to pale a little at my words. "What? No. I mean if that happened I wouldn't be against it, but wait, that's not what I'm saying…I respect you and like you. If something happens, it happens…but I don't expect anything to happen…I just, what I mean is… That's not…" He rambled on and trailed off, completely embarrassed and let out a defeated sigh, his right hand cradling his forehead as he looked to his feet.

I fought with the smile that wanted to form on my face due to how friggin' adorable he was acting. "It's alright Sam, really it is." I announced softly and met his eyes as he looked over at me under his lashes.

His brow furrowed, "It is?" he asked, uncertain as to what else was going to come out of my mouth. "I mean, if we don't…you know…"

I nodded and gently padded the non-bandaged part of his right arm. "If nothing happens and we end up talking all night, that's fine. I really do enjoy your company, Sam. And if say…something does, I don't want it to be because you _only_ want sex out of me. In my screwed way of thinking, I guess I want it to mean something." I explained and brought my hand back to my lap, feeling a little odd that I'd basically allowed myself to be honest with him. "I guess what I'm tryin' to say is that I don't want you to have the wrong impression…especially with the way your Brother made it sound."

"Wait, you think Dean suggested you wanted to sleep with me?" Sam asked, a funny expression on his face.

I thought about it for a moment, brows knitted together in a thoughtful crease, "no…" I said softly at first and let out a small laugh, "Alright, maybe. He made a point to ask if I wanted your company while they went out to Phoenix. I was against it because I didn't want to keep you from your work but he wouldn't have it." I explained, slightly rambling in embarrassment.

A goofy kinda smile hung from his lips as he glanced at me, "wow." He exclaimed softly and shook his head, the smile still stretching his lips when he gave me the full force of his eyes. "I know how Dean acts…and now it makes sense why you'd ask me that."

"Well I wasn't insinuating anything, but your brother made it seem that way…" I tried to explain when he finished my thought for me.

"…and you thought he told me otherwise." Sam stated and it was my turn to look away, embarrassed. He let out a chuckle and gently nudged me with his right shoulder, "It's okay," he said and met my eyes, "Wanna know why I'm really here?"

I searched his eyes and asked, "Why?"

He looked down for a moment, wet his lips out of nervous habit and brought his gaze to mine, "to make sure that you were safe," He replied and wore his heart in his eyes when he added, "and in a selfish way…wanted to spend more time getting to know you."

I blushed a little at his words, his honesty striking a chord somewhere in the broken walls of my heart. "Well," I began to say and had to clear my throat, "guess that answers my question."

Sam smiled warmly at me when a strange emotion danced behind his eyes. "I hope this isn't too personal to ask…" He trailed off while watching my face for any bad reactions. When he saw that I was open to him, he continued, "but I can read people pretty well, and usually when someone asks a question like the one you asked me, something…bad must've happened to you."

I gave a slight nod as an unpleasant smile stretched my lips for a moment. I averted my gaze to the yard ahead of us, my thoughts leading me down a dark memory lane that I'd promised myself I'd never travel. "You're right, about my question…but I had to…only because of past experience." My voice had taken on an empty quality to it, my eyes appearing haunted and I could feel Sam straighten next to me as I spoke. "Guys I thought I could trust with my life, not all of'em mind you…but there were a few that would lend me a place to crash after a nasty Job and the next thing I knew, I'd wake up in the middle of the night, with them tryin' to get on top of me and I had to fight'em off. I was injured and they took advantage of that, knowing I was weaker than usual. Fuckin' cowards… Because if they'd tried that shit when I was healthy, I would've ended them without a second thought." I said and heard him gulp next to me. "Shittiest part about it, these assholes seemed to think they had every right to rape me, like I owed'em the privilege after they let me crash at their place."

The look of utter disgust and horror on Sam's face kept me from meeting his eyes. By his reaction alone, I knew he would never attempt something like that with me, or any woman. It eased the fear in my mind, but did nothing to ease the pain of what had happened to me in the past. "Jesus I'm sorry Tora…" He exclaimed in a quiet voice, his compassion for me causing me to shift uncomfortably as I took another drink of my then luke-warm cocoa. I just wasn't used to men caring so much about me…except for Bobby.

"Naw, don't be." I clipped in a short reply, my jaws working as I fought back the anger from my past. "It's not like they got what they wanted. After putting up a fight they realized they'd rather be living with the utter shame of having their ass handed to them by an injured woman, rather then be found lying face down in a ditch somewhere."

"Still," Sam started to say, finally getting my eyes. "You shouldn't have been put through that."

I gave a shrug, pushing back my emotions so I could try to enjoy the rest of the night without having gut-wrenchingly-painful flashbacks. "Shit happens." I muttered and I could sense that he was unnerved by how cold I suddenly got. It wasn't his fault, it was just something I did to protect myself.

He appeared thoughtful, tangled in a web of thoughts that danced through his mind. "Who else knows about this?" Sam asked in a careful voice while looking into the mug that sat cupped in his big hands.

Taking in a quiet breath, I looked down, "Just you." I murmured in reply and felt him give me a surprised look. "And I'd like it to stay that way if you don't mind. I really don't want to face Bobby's reaction if he ever found out…" I explained and drank down the rest of my cocoa. "It's bad enough that I kept that secret about Adam for so many years and finally broke down three weeks ago."

Sam seemed to search my face, swallowed hard and nodded. "I guess I should be flattered," He began to say and caught the weary look I was giving him at his statement, "well, what I mean is…" Sam paused to run a nervous hand through his unruly locks, "you've confided in me…and I know that had to be very hard for you."

I smirked, "I did, didn't I?" I chimed and he grew a slight smile. "You drugged my cocoa or somethin', didn't you?" I said playfully and he just chuckled, shaking his head.

"Nope. My hands are clean…" He replied and gave me a slight nudge with his shoulder, "seein' as you were the one who made it."

"Oh yea…" I said slowly and let out a laugh at the smile he gave me. "Well, I'm about to go inside and get another cup. Wanna join me?"

Sam worried the inside of his bottom lip for a moment, his eyes mischievous, "I suppose I could, even though I'm comfortable and you're perfectly capable of getting me a refill." He teased with a shit-eating-grin stretched across his face as I stood up and gave him a glare. Sam let out a laugh and followed me, "I'm kidding!"

"Ya-huh." I spat with a small smile and shook my head at him as we walked over the deck and into the house. "Damned Sasquatch." I muttered under my breath as we made our way into the kitchen and I heard him scoff behind me.

"Whatever…peaches." He retorted as we stood next to the counter and I stopped, right as I was about to heat up some more hot chocolate that I'd put in a metal pot that sat covered on the old stove.

I blinked at him, "Peaches?" I repeated, obviously unimpressed and turned the knob, causing a circle of small blue flames to jut out beneath the pot.

He chuckled and tried to fight back the smile on his face. "Yes, Peaches." He said as if that explained everything. "I find it rather fitting for you, actually."

I frowned. "And why peaches?" I asked while crossing my arms.

Sam just grinned. "Because of your cheeks." He replied and I rolled my eyes.

"Alright… Then you're a String-Bean." I quipped with triumphant smile and turned my eyes to the hot chocolate, unfolded my arms, picked up the big wooden spoon from the countertop and began mixing the contents.

Sam scoffed, "Fine." He said in a short breath and I chuckled.

"Fine." I repeated and watched as he maneuvered himself in front of me, set his now empty mug on the counter and leaned the left side of his body against it, arms across his chest, just watching me. I continued to stir noticing the silence that swallowed us…and decided to speak, "me and John used to bicker like this." I said softly and felt his expression grow serious. "When he was around long enough to bicker with anyway…"

He was quiet for a moment, cleared his throat and asked, "You and Dad…were you close?"

"Like I said…he wasn't around long enough." This made me pause, the hot chocolate beginning to bubble. "When he was around, we were…" I murmured finally and had to wet my lips at how dry they'd suddenly gotten. "We were a lot alike. I guess he saw me as the daughter he never had." I paused again, my eyes appearing sad, "guess that explains why I've never had a guy in my life… Always afraid that I'm gonna let'em in and get left behind…or end up burying him because he got killed on a Hunt trying to protect me. Guess I'm just fucked."

I'd paused, allowing my words to fade into the air when I looked up at Sam from beneath my lashes for a moment and witnessed a sliver of pain emerge across his face. I immediately looked away and turned the heat off before the contents boiled over and became too hot to drink.

Unable to say anything, I merely reached over, took his empty mug and began to pour the steaming liquid inside. Once filled I set his mug next to him and repeated the process with mine. Thankful that I didn't spill it on myself I set the pot back on the stove and covered it up.

"Guys have always treated me like shit, well except for one…but he's dead." I began in a soft voice while blowing air over the cocoa in my cup, "Damn… I sure know how to kill a good mood, huh?" I said, trying to make light of how bad I felt for bringing John and my past up in the first place. I hadn't meant to hurt Sam or make him uncomfortable…

Like I've said, I was never good with people.

*** * * *End Part Six* * * ***


	7. Part 7 :: Sam’s Lips, Heated Flesh

**[Onyx's Note:: **Okay...this one is a bit of a doozy... I've finally gotten through a slight case of writer's block and got this chapter finished. I've been in a kind of funk recently and somehow managed to finally finish this earlier this morning, seeing as I haven't slept yet and it's nearly dawn lol. Also...like I said, this one is a doozy...it's got **Adult Content**... And on that note, Enjoy!**]**

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I was immersed in my cup of cocoa, watching the small streams of heat billowing into the air in front of me when I felt him step toward me. I kept my focus on my cup when I watched his right hand reach out and gently remove the cup from my hands, and set it over next to his on the counter. My gaze still averted, my heart suddenly fluttering in my chest like small, wild bird trapped in a cage, I waited in those tense few seconds as he brought himself directly in front of me and gently placed the fingertips of his left hand beneath my chin. The sudden contact caused a terrible lump of confused anxiety to become lodged in the back of my throat. I swallowed it back, quietly, and felt his fingers press upward, forcing my head to tilt up and back.

I had just sucked in another breath when my eyes were forced to close by the softest lips pressing ever so carefully against mine. My brain couldn't make heads or tails of what was happening… Sam had taken it on himself to kiss me…and in such a tender way… I couldn't form a coherent thought. I allowed the contact of his warm mouth against mine to linger for as long as he wanted, a part of me so desperate for the connection…until he finally broke the kiss and gave me his eyes.

I could see the fear there, mixed with understanding and such a burning need to be close to someone…it made my chest hurt to see it. Talk about feeling light-headed. I could feel it in that heavy gaze…how badly he wanted me, wanted to touch me, needed to be touched, as if there had been an unseen force pushing him to make the first move. There were worlds of emotions swirling through his irises, expanding out into the vast space of his mind… Seeing that took the words right out of me.

What do you say when someone is giving you a glimpse into their soul? He'd let his guard down, shown me things I was very certain no one else had truly ever seen… And I could hear a small voice calling out in the back of my mind…wanting to be there.

That terrible loneliness I'd always felt…I could see it looking back at me through his eyes. Such beautiful, wounded eyes. I wanted more then anything…at that exact moment in time…to reach out and take that pain from him. To show him without words, that he was not alone. That I too felt the burden of being different…that I knew what it felt like to be…a freak.

Suddenly my shields went up and I felt my eyes harden. I couldn't let him in…it just wasn't right. We were both emotionally fragile and the last thing I wanted to do was use that as an excuse to feel close to someone…especially Sam. Yes, I wanted him…more than anything. But I wouldn't allow myself to let go.

All I could think about, or feel…was how I'd failed my brother, that I'd failed to save him when he needed me the most. I should've been there, I should've done more… But even then, would it really have helped? Adam moved out for college and Mom had the whole place to herself… Even if I had been there, would it have happened anyway? That's the funny thing about Fate…it only allows you so much rope to hang yourself with, but you're never truly free.

I looked away before he had a chance to see the darkness that filled my eyes. "I uhm… I need to use the bathroom." I muttered in a hoarse voice and immediately exited the kitchen. I really didn't want to see the look in his eyes before I ran away like a coward.

I got into the bathroom quickly, and closed the door, locking it before doing my business on the toilet. I hadn't lied about having to pee. I finished up and flushed, then proceeded to wash my hands. As the water fell from the old faucet, I looked at my reflection. My cheeks were flushed, the color of my eyes a bit brighter than I remember them being… Seeing myself, I realized the effect Sam had on me. And with a groan, a splash of cold water against my heated flesh… I knew there was no use fighting it. And due to the fact that Dean and Bobby wouldn't be back until possibly two more days… I couldn't escape what was bound to happen.

So why wasn't I letting it happen? Why was I being so god-damned stubborn about it? Because it made me feel helpless…as though losing control seemed inviting… And I hated not having control. You lose your control and you'll just end up hurt. That's how I approached everything…like I was always in Hunter mode. But this wasn't a job and I didn't have to hide behind a cold exterior. Sam was a person, with warmth and understanding…he wanted me, for probably the same exact reasons that I wanted him. So why was I doing this to myself? To him? Why was I so determined to shut everything good out of my life? Because I was scared… Pure and simple. And after losing so much…the guilt inside me a terrible, ravenous beast…eating away at the last lingering hope within me… I couldn't bare to let myself fall and lose him too.

No matter how much every fiber of my being screamed otherwise.

I'd exited the bathroom with quiet footfalls after gathering my bearings and slipped out onto the porch, trying to avoid the questions I knew Sam held in his eyes after I basically ran away from him. I hadn't meant to…too many mixed emotions ran rampant through my mind and a strange tingling electricity danced through my blood at the memory of his lips, petal soft, pressed so gently against mine.

I looked out into the yard, unfocused, not really seeing. My mind was at a loss as my body ached for him to touch me. I wanted to feel him against me, inside me…in ways I hadn't experienced in so damned long. Why was I punishing myself for this?

I was so lost in my inner struggle that I hadn't heard his footsteps or felt the boards move beneath my feet as he crossed the old deck toward me. It was only when I felt his hands, so much bigger than my own, grasp my upper arms. I inadvertently jumped at the sudden contact but didn't jerk away like I normally would. Instead, I felt the tension slowly ease from my body as he took those few steps closer, pressing the heat of his body against my rigid back.

"I'm sorry for what I did back there." Sam exclaimed in a deep, rolling timber that caused me to close my eyes at the sensation of it running through me like living thunder.

I shook my head and muttered, "Damn it Sam…stop apologizing. My reaction is in no way, your fault."

I could hear him exhale, as if he were at a loss and I wasn't making this any easier for either us. "But you ran away after I…" He started to say when I finally got the balls to turn around and look up into his eyes.

What I saw looking back at me made me want to slap myself. I placed my right hand over his heart, feeling the muscle tense beneath my touch. "I have issues trusting people. Especially men…" I started to explain and felt something sweep through me at the way his eyes peered into my soul. As if he could read every part of who I was, and I was helpless to stop it. "When I really…care about someone, I push them away…because I couldn't bare hurting them."

"You won't hurt me." Sam replied and I had to swallow, my throat so incredibly dry.

"If I let myself trust you and we…" I trailed off and tried again, "I will. It's an inevitability with me." I said softly, "Everything I love is taken from me. And I can't…not again."

His jaws clenched tightly together as he studied my pleading gaze. "You can't shut everything out. It'll destroy who you are." Sam said in that deep tone and placed his right hand against my face, cupping my cheek in his paw of a hand. "Don't punish yourself for the past."

Why was he getting to me? "Why are you pushing this?" I asked, no longer hiding the torment I felt as I looked up into his heavy gaze. "You don't even know me Sam…"

"I know enough about you to sense that you don't like being alone. That you're tired of going through life by yourself." He replied as if he was speaking from experience and I wanted to be pissed at him for reading me so easily. But he wasn't wrong…I hated being alone. "Get mad at me if you want, but don't push me away."

I looked away from him, my teeth clenched, the anger in my chest being replaced with utter despair. I had to stop myself from losing it again. "I can't trust myself with you, Sam…I just can't." Once I said that I tried to walk passed him, but he blocked my way.

"Do you want me?" He asked in such a firm tone that I blinked confused eyes up at him.

"What the hell kinda question is that?" I spat defensively, not liking the effect he was having me.

But Sam was a Winchester and would not be swayed otherwise. "It's a simple question Tora," he rumbled out, his voice hitting a new low that caused my heart to lodge itself in the back of throat.

My eyes narrowed, "it is NOT that simple." I growled back.

"Yes it is." He shot back matter-of-factly. "Do You Want Me?"

I searched his eyes and let out a defeated sigh. I was done fighting… "I don't know what I want." I muttered in a broken tone and averted my gaze to my feet.

He was closer, completely voiding me of any personal space. "How did I make you feel when I kissed you?" Sam asked and I could feel his eyes peering down at me.

"Besides panic?" I shot under my breath with a dark smirk on my lips and slowly brought my eyes to his. "God Sam what do want me to say?"

"The truth!" He retorted with a little more boom to his voice than I think he meant to have.

"You want the truth? Huh?!" I snapped and could feel my blood beginning to boil. "When you kissed me I couldn't think straight! It was completely overwhelming and you know what?" I stopped for a moment to get my anger under control, "It scared the shit outta me because…because it felt right…"

Sam took in everything I'd said with an intense look in his eyes. His mind attempting to make sense of my words, analyzing them, understanding them. I could tell he had more to say to me, but I wouldn't hear it…nothing he could say would change my mind…

I was about to walk away, get away from his eyes and the way he was looking at me…when I heard him rumble something inaudible under his breath, felt his hands take hold of my arms spinning me around and I was suddenly stopped by the look in his eyes.

We were both breathing hard, frustrated and angry they I wouldn't give in to what we both felt, and desperately needed. I could feel it around us, the energy of want, mixed with an invisible viper of tension that coiled around us as we glared challenge into each others eyes… It was suffocating, causing my heart to hammer, my pulse to race and my lungs to clench painfully against its unrelenting pressure.

Just as the pulsing energy hit its peek…something snapped between us. I felt my heart lodge itself in my throat when Sam placed his left hand on the back of my head, long fingers curling and gripping my hair. His right hand went to cup the side of my face and I was unable to stop him when he jerked me hard against him, his breath hot as it danced against my face. We were so close that a hard though would have closed that short distance between us.

Everything stopped. My entire world flipped upside down as his mouth, gentle and almost pleading, pressed gently against mine. The contact sent an explosion of feeling to course like lightening through my veins, causing my breath to hitch and my pulse to thunder in my ears.

Eyes fluttering closed, I leaned my weight against him, deepening the kiss…telling him, showing him without words…that I'd lost myself in this bittersweet contact. Sam made a rumbling noise somewhere in the back of his throat and something changed… The kiss went from gentle, exploring…to hot and ravenous, his mouth devouring mine as if I were the very air he breathed. The taste of his lips, sweet like honey, the way his tongue snaked against mine, his teeth grazing my lips…

My body made up the decision for me.

Instinctively, and unable to fight myself anymore… I groaned against his mouth and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him flush against me. I was burning, aching, desperate to feel his heat, his flesh…against me, forceful and bruising. I needed it so badly…that physical thirst for his touch overwhelming any rational thought that may have lingered in my mind.

Sam growled deep in his throat, as I bit and nibbled his lips with my teeth, my tongue snaking out only to be met by his, issuing another deep groan to thunder from his chest. I moaned softly against the delicious assault and felt his large hands move away from my face and hair, only to grip my ass and suddenly I was off the ground and had no other choice but to wrap my legs securely around his narrow waist.

We kissed as though we were starving, burning to consume each other with lips, tongue and teeth. Our mouths battled, or tongues clashing and dancing as he spun around and pushed me up against the wall with a soft thud, right next to the door of the house. I gripped my thighs tighter around him, my ankles locked and wiggled my hips against him, feeling the hard length of his need twitching beneath his jeans.

My head fell back and thumped against the wall, but the pain didn't register. All I could feel was Sam's teeth latching onto the big pulse on the left side of my neck, his tongue lashing out, tasting the salt of my skin. A soft whimper escaped my lips as I felt myself react to Sam's attack on my sensitive flesh while he pressed himself against me, causing a strangled moan to echo from my lips.

"Do you want me?" Sam growled in a very deep, husky tone and bit down once more into that big pulse, causing a groan to trap itself in the back of my throat, choking my words.

I couldn't think, I could only feel and my body was beginning to beg for what it had been denied for so terribly long. "Yes…" I managed in a snarl of a voice and gasped when Sam slammed me against the wall, pressing hard against the sensitive spot between my legs and looked into my eyes.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked in a low, dangerous timber, his eyes hooded, ravenous…as though he were about to devour me right there on Bobby's porch.

I searched his gaze, my heart fluttering in my chest like a madman trapped in a small cage. "Don't stop…" I replied in a husky voice and felt him press even harder against me, slower this time, his eyes locked on my face as I cringed with pleasure. "Sam." I clipped between clenched teeth and glared defiant, hungry eyes into his gaze, "if you stop, I swear to everything holy I'll…"

I was cut off by his mouth crushing mine. His lips bruising, as though he'd lost all restraint and had given in to his primal side. Sam kissed me with such a force that I was sure the healed split in my lip was going to reopen…

That's when he stopped, panting and pressed his forehead against mine, leaning his entire weight against me, my back pushed up against the wall.

"We should take this inside." He rumbled through breaths and let me unwrap my legs from his waist so I could stand on my own…which was a little harder than I thought it would be. My muscles ached, inside and out, not wanting to stop…but begging for more.

"The basement, anti-demon panic room." I stated softly and he finally gave me his eyes. "There's a bed we can use…better then the couch, right?"

Sam chuckled and nodded. "Ya I doubt anyone would want to sit on that couch again if we…" He trailed off and both of us chuckled.

My body trembled slightly at the thought of Sam's hot, glistening, tanned flesh pressing possessively against mine. I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath, "Come on…before I change my mind." I chimed in a playful purr and opened my gaze to see Sam offering his hand out to me.

I took it and paused long enough to lock the front door before we walked through the house and descended the flight of stairs into the basement to the room I'd been hiding in a few nights before.

Door closed, Sam waited patiently as I cleared my books from the bed, placing them in a semi neat pile off to the side, and turned to face him. The nervousness I'd felt had erupted into my lower intestine, unleashing thousands of fluttering butterflies making my breath hitch.

Sam must've seen the terror in my eyes because when he closed that short distance between us, he cupped my face in his big hands, leaned down and placed a reassuring kiss against my forehead. My eyes closed as a shaky breath danced away from my lips, knowing somewhere in the back of my mind that what I was about to let happen…what I was allowing myself to do…was going to change me. I didn't understand it then, so I pushed it to the deepest regions of my mind and focused on the beautiful feelings that were soaring through me.

I'm not gonna lie…I was scared. Afraid of connecting with someone who from the very beginning, had been nothing but sweet and understanding. Someone that possibly knew what it was like to be different… And there was also this small voice, nagging in the back of my brain. Trying in desperation to whisper a warning I was unable to understand.

Before I could get a good grasp on what this strange little voice was trying to tell me, I was brought back to the present by Sam leaving a feather soft kiss against my lips and by the feeling of his fingers beginning to unbutton the first button on my long sleeved black shirt.

I let myself drown against the sweetness of his kiss as he finished unbuttoning my shirt, paused to run the tips of his fingers from the very bottom, right along the now open front of my shirt, and very slowly, ran his fingertips all the way up, pushing the material apart. When his fingers met my collarbone, he looked into my eyes and gently pushed the two halves apart, sliding my shirt from my shoulders and let it fall from my arms to the ground.

I swallowed the anxiety from my throat when his lips met mine again, soft, teasing and distracting, his fingers traced an invisible line from my collarbone down the center of my ribcage, past my belly button and stopped, his hands unfastening my jeans with a careful ease.

My hands had moved on their own accord, unbuttoning and unfastening his jeans as our mouths tangled ever so sweetly. As I did this, he managed to push his shoes off his feet, paused, grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head, letting it fall to the cold hard ground.

The look in his eyes, I felt so incredibly small. Such heat peering down into my weary gaze… I was breathless.

Sam was so incredibly gentle as he removed my clothes, trying to ease my anxiety as I stood naked and vulnerable in front of him. I fought to stop my arms from crossing over my exposed breasts and closed my eyes, fighting with myself to remain calm. It had been such a long time since I'd stood naked, willingly in front of someone I cared for… It was terrifying.

Goosebumps emerged from my flesh as he trailed his fingers along the various scars that adorned not only my ribcage, but one nasty set of four deep claw marks that stood out, an angry memory left from fighting hand to hand with a pissed off werewolf.

"These are newer than the rest…" Sam rumbled in a deep voice and caught my gaze.

"Werewolf," I murmured softly and watched his eyes fill with a painful understanding. I let out a sigh and licked my lips nervously, "I was lucky…my ex, not so much."

His eyes widened at my words when he asked in a careful voice, "he didn't make it…?"

I shook my head and sat on the edge of the bed, Sam following my lead. Funny now that I think about it, we were both completely naked but because of the memories of losing a man I'd loved and almost died for, it seemed so trivial, "we got ambushed… The thing and its Mate saw us as a threat." I paused and took another steadying breath, "long story short, I was the only one that made it out alive."

The lines in Sam's face told me a story of complete and utter heart break. Something similar had happened to him… But my senses told me it was more painful then what I'd gone through.

"I'm sorry Tora," he rumbled out finally and gave me his eyes.

I blinked, gave a small smile and before I could register what it was that I was doing, my hands sought out the sides of Sam's face, pulled him toward me and I kissed him, so softly. It wasn't just a pressing of lips, but a sharing of understanding, my flesh against his, telling him without words that he wasn't alone. And there was that damned thought again…we weren't alone. Two alike pieces in this fucked up puzzle we call a life…finding each other, wanting to connect…to be whole.

Sam took the lead by gently laying me back against the mattress, maneuvering himself against me, my legs now on either side of his narrow hips. He made no move to finalize the connection between our interlocking bodies. Instead, he rested himself against me, the heat of his firm, toned flesh, pressed flush against mine, so close and yet so terribly far away. The ache inside me growing, the need to feel that inner emptiness swept away, replaced by living warmth.

He kissed me softly, lightly, leaning on his elbows, his left hand placed flat against the bed, his right hand gently running his fingers along my jaw line. I wrapped my arms beneath his, my hands reaching up to touch the intricate muscles of his shoulder blades.

A gasp fluttered away from my lips only to be devoured by his hungry mouth when he rocked against me, still not connecting, but close enough to cause tendrils of want to race through my already heated blood. The fear I'd been feeling was slowly fading, replaced by a stronger need…to feel loved.

As if sensing my thoughts, Sam brought his hips up, just at the right angle…

All at once I felt the world swept out from around us when our bodies finally interlocked. My breath hitched, my back arched, but I was safe… Sam's arms wrapped protectively around me, closer then I'd ever been with anyone before. The first few moments of connection overwhelmed and frightened us…the feeling of our bodies tangled… It wasn't just sex…

I could feel it when he gave me his eyes, they appeared confused, fascinated and afraid…mirroring the emotions that I too was experiencing.

We brushed lips, careful and trembling, sweat breaking out along heated flesh…

He began to move. I held onto him, legs cradling his hips, fingers gently kneading into the muscles in his back. He was so tender, so gentle as we swayed our bodies, rolling like waves along a midnight shore. The pressure began to build deep inside me as he caressed my sacred core, pushing, burying…my hips matching his slow beautiful rhythm, ecstasy drowning my senses…wanting more.

Sam continued this delicious assault for over twenty minutes, never rushing… As if he were savoring the way our bodies fit, the soft moans that danced from my lips, only to be devoured by another soul breaking kiss. I knew he was straining with himself, not wanting to reach oblivion without me.

My brain had shut down, feeling only Sam and the gentle energy that danced through his flesh, being buried deep into mine as he made love to me. Tears trickled from the corners of my eyes at how careful he was, and felt my heart break when he kissed the tears away, placed his forehead against mine, his hands on either side of my face as our bodies continued to push and pull, rolling in and out…

A small explosion went off deep inside, my muscles suddenly tightening, strange waves of energy sweeping out as if a hand made of electricity had opened and was pushing this amazing feeling through my entire being. I struggled to breathe but my lungs seized, my back arched and my head fell back…the crushing power of climax taking over me.

In that broken moment in time, I felt Sam go rigid, his breath stopping…followed by a searing heat filling my depths, our bodies pressed impossibly close as though we were desperate to become one living entity…

White noise filled my head, a sensation as though I'd died and drifted away from myself…but I wasn't alone in that fuzzy mist of feeling. Sam was with me, his heartbeat thundering with mine… Connected…no longer broken but whole.

Somehow, we'd found peace…lying naked and helpless…in each others arms.

**-A Few Hours Later-**

I awoke to pure darkness, my breathing even and felt Sam's long form pressed protectively against me. I blinked, my eyes adjusting to the murky shadows around me when slowly, the memory of what I'd done began to flood my thoughts.

Instead of recoiling, or feeling guilt and disgust… A small smile pulled at my lips. I took in a deep needed breath, held it for a moment and exhaled, feeling a strange kind of ache run through my tired body. Ignoring it, I carefully sat up, not wanting to disturb Sam's peaceful slumber, placed my bare feet against the cold floor and stood.

In complete silence, I gathered my duffel bag and snuck out of the anti-demon-panic room and paused long enough to see if I'd disturbed Sam. I waited and when he continued to snore softly, I proceeded upstairs and snuck into the bathroom for a very quick shower.

* *

After cleaning myself and getting dressed, I made a point to check the time, and blinked in surprise that it was around midnight. Which meant that I hadn't slept that much…

I left the bathroom, crept silently through the house and felt slightly guilty for leaving Sam downstairs without telling him what I was doing.

But there was something I needed to do, and quickly, before Sam somehow woke up and got an urge to go looking for me. I don't know why that thought whispered through my mind, but it was a soft nagging in the back of my brain, telling me I had to get this over with without getting interrupted. And honestly, what I was about to do…was something I had never shared with anyone…

I slipped out of the front door and checked the hour one more time and it was exactly 12:07am…

* * * **End Part Seven *** * *


	8. Part 8 :: Strange Truths, Bad Dreams

**[Onyx's Note:: **Alright boys'n'girls... This chapter is a bit of a real Mind Screw. Something very interesting comes to light about Tora...which I think will make everyone go, 'WTF?' no worries...it's apart of the plot ;) Oh...and there's a heart breaking scene in this one... I'm evil, I know lol. And on that note...get prepared for one Helluva ride!!**]  
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I'd got into my Eleanor and drove out of Bobby's Salvage Yard and got onto the main stretch. The drive was short, having only driven a few miles until I came upon a familiar road that veered left off the two lane highway onto an unpaved path through a dark forest, the rain a constant chatter of calming ambient noise along the sleek body of my car. No other car in sight, I made the turn and traveled carefully over the familiar path, the windshield wipers moving methodically along the wide windshield, the glow from my headlights bleeding off into the darkness ahead of me.

I continued forward until a clearing came into my sight, the towering trees appearing to almost bow gracefully above me as if allowing me sanctuary.

Parked, I shut off the engine, got out, closed the door and walked a few feet ahead of the car, into the golden glow of my car's headlights; the rain apparent as it fell in thick warm sheets from the heavens. I looked down to the earth before me, my eyes dancing over the strange, green vines that seemed to snake from the rich earth in a very large triangle…big enough to park both my beast and the boy's Impala inside.

"Flauros, Great Duke and Dear Friend… I am in need of your assistance." I called out into the darkness and pulled my trench coat closer to my form.

The rain pattered all around me, soaking my hair against the leather of my jacket, falling in thick waves toward my waist. I took in a slow, deep breath…enjoying the scent of the forest; lush and crisp with moisture and began to exhale slowly… When a shadow…began to manifest, gaining form on soundless footsteps as it walked toward me.

The golden hue of my car's headlights began to cast light along the shadow… Revealing what appeared at first to be an abnormally large cat… The size of a full grown male Siberian Tiger.

I couldn't stop the warm smile that filled my face as the majestic creature approached me. It was no Tiger, but a Panther, with eyes shimmering like trapped rubies, set aflame by some unseen fire, burning just within the black of its fur. The great Leopard paused for a moment, craning its massive head to gaze those burning jewels at me with recognition. I held my breath when it rose up onto its hind legs, and even though I'd seen this before…it was breathtaking to watch all over again.

The Leopard seemed to rise up, as if reaching toward the heavens… But as I watched, its body began to shimmer; shadows within shadows, living, dancing within its form…moving and shifting like liquid Onyx… Beautiful.

The moment was over and left standing before me was in the shape of a man… He stood over 9'ft tall, his long whip like tail swaying in a calm fashion behind him. He was still that great Panther, but had merely changed his shape to stand upright.

"Aw, sweet Balam…" His voice was rich, like a deep rolling thunder that swept through every inch of my being and slithered through my blood with the promise of power only he could offer. "You have grown since last we met and your soul is heavy with loss…"

I nodded and peered up into his liquid fire eyes as he crossed the short distance between us, stopping just at the vines, keeping him inside the triangle. "I've lost my loved ones…" I replied softly and watched him nod his magnificent head.

"I am sorry young cub, perhaps if you had come to me sooner I could have prevented such a fate." He explained with compassionate tone when his expression changed. He canted his head to the side, his ears moving as if hearing something I couldn't and nodded. "Aw yes…but this was a fate even I could not aid in."

"Higher power callin' the shots?" I asked and he gave another nod, "figures…" I muttered and ran a hand over my face, "I've met the Winchesters." I said and his eyes narrowed thoughtfully at my words. "Sam, the youngest, I'm curious if I'm like him…"

He cut me off, already hearing my thoughts and said, "No, my cub."

I felt my brow furrow, "The one responsible for my parent's death…" I trailed off and the great Panther waited patiently for me to finish, "it was Yellow Eyes."

"Indeed it was." He replied with a nod and grew thoughtful, "However, he had not known that your birth mother had previously called on me." Flauros explained and all I could do was blink the rain water out of my eyes as I looked up into his mystic gaze, "as you can imagine, Azazel was greatly displeased by my presence… I had stopped his attempt to taint you with his blood."

When his words trailed off I watched his head lower, his feline features appearing so terribly sad. "It was Azazel's wrath that took your parents in that fire… Enraged that he could not touch you. My promise had been to protect you at all costs, so I could not go back and save them…"

"Saving them wasn't part of the agreement?" I asked and felt my stomach twist as Flauros gave another nod. My throat clenched and my chest tightened but I pushed on, "The only reason Yellow Eyes would've been there is because my, _mother_, made a deal with him when she was younger." I said and Flauros made another sweep of his head.

"Do you wish to know why?" He asked and I promptly shook my head no. "Understood my Balam. But know, you should not hate her," when he said this my eyes grew cautious, "for she sought me out some years after her promise to Azazel, and begged that I would be your guardian. In such a situation, I would never have succumbed to her pleas…" Flauros paused, a strange curve pulling at his muzzle, a secret smile of sorts revealing his large teeth, "something made me contemplate this…and I had it on good authority that her girl-child would be worth such a request. In return, I merely asked that she named you Balam. Your father however, wanted your first name to be Tora."

I stood there for a moment, letting this all sink in. So Yellow Eyes had planned for me to be one of his 'special' children…but Flauros stopped that from happening. Something about that twisted my stomach into a painful suspicion. I knew Azazel to be one powerful sonuvabitch, and for him to be unable to touch me…made me wonder about my guardian. It also caused more questions to form in the back of my mind, but I blocked them so Flauros wouldn't hear them.

With that in mind, I forced a smile to stretch across my face and focused on the great Cat, thinking very clearly that he always did talk a great deal. Knowing that he'd heard that thought and not the others, I rephrased it when I said, "I love listening to you Flauros, even if you can get a little carried away."

A booming laugh rumbled away from his jaws, allowing me a detailed look at those deadly incisors. "Aw, yes… I do enjoy our conversations. You always do ask the most interesting questions." He rumbled with a slight purr dancing at the edge of his soothing words. "But I know you are here for another reason…"

This is when I gulped. "Yes…" I said softly and his luminescent gaze softened. "I need your advice."

"You wish to know if you should…how does one put this gently? Aw yes! If you should share your heart with the Youngest Winchester." He stated thoughtfully and I could feel my cheeks flush. Flauros gave the faintest of smile that touched his haunting gaze, "it seems you've already made this decision, my Balam."

I huffed a soft growl and heard him chuckle within the depths of his powerful chest. "I had a feeling you were going to say that…" I retorted softly and shifted my weight from one foot to the other. "I just… I can't have him get hurt, or lose him because of me. I'm tired of losing everything precious to me"

Flauros' fierce gaze narrowed slightly, the wheels of his great mind churning and twisting, "you have no say in the workings of Fate my cub. Even if you had come to me before the deaths of your recent family, I would not have been able to stop it." He explained and I wiped the rain water from my face.

"I hate not having any control of my life…" I growled under my breath and knew that he'd heard it. I let out a sigh, "why do I feel connected to Sam if I don't have demon's blood in me?" I asked and Flauros grew a strange look to his glowing depths…and for a very small space of seconds, seeing that bothered me.

"More shall be revealed to you in time." Flauros announced and I could sense he was finished talking…which I inwardly found very interesting. "Before I part, young cub, I will…cast a favor of sorts. Call it a gift, one only reserved for my Balam." He announced and I quirked a curious brow. "Come forward, for I cannot leave this sacred ground."

I swallowed the huge lump of anxiety from my throat and took those short steps between us…crossing the vines with my muddy hiking boots. I craned my head up as he towered over me, his black fur glistening with rain water.

Flauros gave me gentle eyes as he descended his large feline head toward me in a graceful bow and placed both enormous clawed hands ever so gently on my shoulders. I closed my eyes when he pressed his nose against my forehead, a deep purr emitting from his powerful jaws. "Trust, cub…you are stronger then you know…" I heard the thunder of his voice roll through me and suddenly felt lightheaded…

The earth shook when a terrible, blinding blue light struck the sky directly above me, the boom immediate and deafening.

My eyes snapped open…and I had to blink several times to adjust to what I was seeing…

I was back at Bobby's, right in front of my car…the rain pelting my body in heavy sheets as my headlights lit up the yard. I looked around, completely stunned that I was back, "What the fuck…?" I thought aloud and snapped my brain back to reality, remembering that my car's lights were still on and I didn't want to end up with a dead battery in the morning.

So I opened the door, reached inside and shut everything off… I was just finished locking her up and was about to pull back and close the door when I heard something large Thump against the roof, making me go completely still.

Every fine hair along my spine bristled and stood on end as I very slowly, leaned back and closed the door…as I did this, I let my gaze fall toward the top of my car and let out a small sigh of relief at the familiar vision before me.

"Jesus Odyssey…" I rumbled out, my eyes locked on the young lithe woman stretched out on the roof of my car like a lazy cat, "you shouldn't go surprisin' me like that."

She peered down at me beneath her long dark lashes, her eyes an eerie shade of light amber, a splash of crimson incasing her slitted pupils. "Aw did I scare my little sister?" Odyssey purred in a very soft, bedroom voice and chuckled when I just rolled my eyes at her. "You should be used to it by now."

I scoffed, "sure, if you didn't pull this shit every four to six months." I retorted and watched as she threw her long naked legs off the side of the car, her short dark blue dress causing her already pale ivory skin to seem more like crushed pearls under the continuous pattering of warm rain.

She crossed her legs and placed her delicate hands gracefully against her knees, her long white mane of hair trailing down her shoulders in wet waves. "You're a real downer you know that?" She chimed with a mischievous shimmer to her eerie gaze.

I was running low on patience, "What do you want?" I asked in a calm tone and watched as she cocked her head to the side, appearing like a bird analyzing something interesting.

"Noticed you visited Daddy and wanted to catch up…" she mused and slid off the roof, placing her bare feet against the muddy earth in silence, "you know, like old times."

"Daddy?" I repeated it as a question and watched a knowing smile slither its way across her otherworldly features.

"Don't play stupid Balam," Odyssey purred and took a step toward me, causing me to look up into her glowing irises, seeing as she stood 5'11 to my 5'6'n'half inch height. "Wanna know what the Great Duke wasn't willin' to tell you?"

Her words made my brows furrow…not liking what she was suggesting. "I'm tired and need to get inside and dried off before Sam wakes up and wonders where the hell I went." I announced, attempting to change the subject and turned to walk away when she placed herself in front of me, all grace and silence forcing me to meet her feline eyes.

"Remember that weird feeling you got when you first sensed a connection with Sammy boy?" She whispered softly, her eyes appearing like glowing jewels against the darkness around us. I clenched my jaws in a tight line when she leaned close to my left ear and added, "think about it Tora… Your abilities, Flauros, saving you so young…" Odyssey paused to look into my eyes, her gaze intense, "you know there's always a price when you make a deal with a demon…"

I'd had enough, "go away Odyssey." I growled and she continued to look at me with endless patience, "I just want to get some sleep."

She searched my eyes, sensing that I was indeed telling the truth and smirked, "fine little sister." Odyssey purred with a wink and stood up straight, her arms held loosely beneath her medium bust.

I turned my back on her and chimed, "stop calling me that."

I heard her giggle behind me, "you'll find out the truth eventually Tora…" her voice trailed off when I suddenly felt as though she was directly to my right, her breath warm against my earlobe, "and you'll realize that I'm on your side."

Spinning around…I blinked. It almost felt like vertigo… Because There was nothing there…

I shook my head and headed back into the house, carefully closing and locking the door behind me. On quiet footsteps, I walked to the bathroom, dried myself off and changed into pajamas. As careful as possible, I descended the stairs toward the anti-demon-panic room and there was Sam…asleep. Odd part about it…he was in the exact same position I'd left him.

I made a point to check the time on my phone and that's when my chest heaved and my breath stopped…

12:07am flashed on the view screen of my cellphone and I quickly closed it and felt my spine stiffen.

_Let it go Tora…just let it go… _I told myself and decided I needed to get some sleep before I finally snapped.

I curled myself against his long frame and let out a sigh when, in his sleep, Sam wrapped himself protectively around me. A small smile hung at the edge of my mouth as I closed my eyes and allowed the sweet embrace of unconsciousness to carry me away.

**-Dream Sequence-**

_  
I could hear a song playing in my mind as I drifted through the veil of dreams…and found myself standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon, the wind playful and cool as it swept by me._

"I've never been here before." I heard myself say as a Red Tail Hawk flew over my head from the canyon itself… I could see its magnificent face and its eyes…they seemed so familiar to me… I tried to focus on the Hawk but it flew right into the sun and I was forced to close my eyes and when I opened them…it was gone

"…_**If I leave here tomorrow  
Would you still remember me?  
For I must be traveling on, now,  
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see…"**_

"_I wanted you to see it." I heard a familiar rumble of a voice say and turned to my right, my gaze falling on a pair of warm, big dark green eyes._

_I felt my heart drop into my stomach. "John…" My voice came out meek as I felt my eyes tear up at the sight of him. "What are you doing here?"_

_The warmth of his smile not only touched his eyes, but caused his skin to give off a strange glow as he stood directly next to me. "Thought I'd check on my girl… See that she's not gettin' into any trouble." John said in a pleasant voice and wrapped his left arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him._

_He felt so real…and before I could stop myself, I buried myself in that missed warmth, holding onto him for dear life. "Don't let me wake up." I sobbed softly against his chest and felt his right hand gently take my chin and lift my tear streaked face up to look into his fatherly eyes._

"…_**But, if I stayed here with you, girl,  
Things just couldn't be the same.  
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,  
And this bird you can not change.  
Lord knows, I can't change…"**_

"_Don't cry baby girl," he rumbled deeply in his chest and used his thumb to wipe the tears from my cheeks. He then brushed the few strands of hair from my face and pressed a kiss against my forehead._

_I struggled to catch my breath and searched his beautiful eyes, "I screwed everything up…" I began to say when he shook his head at me, still smiling that warm smile._

"_No Tora, you know losing Adam and your mother wasn't your fault." John corrected me, his voice soothing, "you've just gotta be strong now."_

_I shook my head, "I don't feel very strong… I feel like I'm breaking at the seams." I replied softly and cleared my throat. "I broke my promise to you John…"_

_He shook his head and maneuvered me to where he had both hands on my upper arms, looking down into my eyes. "I'm thankful you know the boys. More then you know." John explained in a low timber and I furrowed my brow. "You have to be strong, Tora. Bobby and the Boys are really gonna need you in the coming months. Especially my Boys… Don't run away from family, don't push them away. Keep'em close to you."_

"_But I can't bear getting hurt again John," I said and felt myself beginning to calm, "I can't lose them like I've lost you. I feel like I'm cursed to lose everyone I love…and I can't go through it again."_

_John's eyes sparkled with the smile that stretched his lips and said, "You never lost me Tora and you're not alone… I just wish I had more time to tell you that." _

"…_**Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.  
Though this feeling I can't change.  
But please don't take it badly,  
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame…"**_

_When he said that, he gently cupped the right side of my face with his left hand, his eyes beginning to shimmer with the threat of tears. "You've got a hard road ahead of you Tora, but I know you can make it." John said with a voice that would haunt me for the rest of my days. "You keep that chin up and know that I'm always watchin' over you…"_

_I brought my right hand to his and leaned against it, feeling my eyes sting. "Please don't go John… I don't want to wake up, I don't want to lose you again." I begged him with a broken voice and felt my heart beginning to shatter._

"…_**But, if I stayed here with you girl,  
Things just couldn't be the same.  
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,  
And this bird you'll never change…"**_

_He struggled with himself, visibly fighting back the heart break he also felt. "I wasn't given a lot of time… Just this moment, right here…right now… To be able to look into your eyes and hear your voice one more time." He explained as a tear free fell from his left eye and shimmered down the lines of his face. "God I'm so proud of you…"_

_My resolve broke as I wrapped my arms around him in a fierce and desperate hug, my face buried in his chest and felt my soul cry out when I felt his strong arms wrap protectively around my trembling form. "I love you Daddy…" I whispered against him, my voice suddenly childlike as my tears soaked his shirt._

_I felt John press a kiss against the top of my head and heard him rumble out, "always baby girl." he then pulled away and took a step back, forcing me to let go of his warmth, his safety. My eyes stung, my chest burned and my heart thundered with agony. "Never forget that…" John said softly, tears in his eyes as he smiled that proud father smile down at me…_

_My hand was outstretched to him, begging him not to leave me…to stay a little longer because I wasn't ready to let go…that I'd never be able to say goodbye…_

_He took a step toward the Canyon itself and suddenly was standing within the blinding rays of the sun. I had to shield my eyes for a moment and when I looked back, I heard the spine chilling bray of that Red Tail Hawk, as it suddenly soared over my head and swept down into the great Canyon itself… Majestic and free._

"…_**And this bird you can not change.  
Lord knows, I can't change.  
Lord help me, I can't change…"**_

* * * * *

I awakened with a start, my face wet, chest heaving. "Shit…" I spat under my breath and rubbed at my eyes, forcing the dream to melt back into the catacombs of my mind. It was so vivid, the feeling of him, the sound of his voice…the color of his dark green eyes…it had all been so damned real that my chest hurt to remember it.

Checking the time, it was only 7:22am…which meant I'd gotten enough sleep to get my ass up and out of bed. I took a look around, sensing the loss of Sam's heat against me. A part of my brain told me he was probably upstairs…but then there was that tiny voice again…suddenly very upset that I'd been left alone.

Feeling a little claustrophobic I decided to drag my ass upstairs and make a fresh pot of coffee.

The trek was easy, but the emotional darkness I felt swelling inside me made it more difficult then I wanted it to be. The memory of being close to my surrogate father…seeing the tears in his eyes… I choked back a sob and made my way into the kitchen.

My mind was so wrapped up in my internal chaos that I didn't notice Sam standing next to the kitchen table, his eyes watching me with a deep worry.

I dragged myself over to the coffeepot and noticed that there was a clean mug for me to use… The milk and sugar set out before me with a clean spoon sticking out of my empty cup. It took me a moment to register what I was seeing. I blinked and had to swallow the sudden lump of utter sorrow from the back of my throat at the kind gesture I saw in front of me.

Sam watched me as I placed both hands, palms flat, against the counter, head bowed and choked on yet another sob… Too tired and too emotionally fragile to keep my boiling emotions at bay.

What a bitch I'd been to him… Too uptight and stubborn to let him in. They way I'd slipped out without telling him where I was going after sharing a piece of my soul with him… God he even made eggs and bacon! He'd done this for me.

A few tears spilled down my heated flesh… I didn't deserve his kindness. God, how did I become so cold? Why was Sam being so nice to me when I was nothing but a heartless, calloused, unfeeling bitch?

"Sam I'm so sorry…" I whimpered out as another sob strangled my voice and caused me to shake at the intensity of my pain pushing itself to the surface. I tried to steady myself, hoping my voice would sound a little more like me and not so fucking broken, "I don't deserve you or your kindness…"

He was suddenly behind me before I had time to register that he'd moved. I felt his hands on my shoulders as I shook; unable to stop my body from trembling with grief. "Tora…" His voice was a deep lull through the pounding of my heartbeat against my ears when he gently turned me toward him. I had to force myself to give him my gaze…and his expression, oh god…that was all I needed to see when my eyes blurred over with tears.

"Easy," Sam cooed in a low octave as he pulled me flush against him, allowing me to bury my face against his chest, my hands clenching the material of his shirt and probably stretching it, my tears soaking through the thin material. "It's okay, Tora…you're safe." He added and pressed his lips against the top of my head… Causing another vivid memory to flash through me, my sobs racking through my body causing my knees to shake with the threat of giving out.

I kept murmuring 'sorry', over and over…my voice muffled as I hiccupped, struggling to breathe as wave upon wave of pain ripped through my being…and at times the surges were so violent, so strong, they nearly swept the breath out of me, causing me to gasp as I held onto Sam for dear life.

My walls had collapsed, unable to carry the weight I had bearing dangerously against my soul. My heart had had enough and I was now helpless to suffer under its wrath for release.

The crying continued for several more minutes and all the while…Sam merely held me, cradling me against him as he murmured gentle reassurances against the top of my head.

* * * * *

My eyes swollen and red, I sat at the table as a cup of steaming coffee and a plate of breakfast sat untouched before me. The tears had finally stopped, allowing me to gather what was left of myself long enough to get some coffee, mix in some milk and sugar, and sat myself at the table where my food sat patiently waiting for me, with a very concerned Sam sitting directly to my right. I hadn't fought him when he brushed a few wayward strands from my eyes and tucked them behind my right ear with his fingertips. I had no strength left to argue as he placed his paw of a hand over mine as it laid flat against the table, still unable to pick up my fork and eat. I had gone completely numb from my emotions erupting.

Sam stayed next to me for the next few minutes, silent, his body turned toward me, his left knee pressed gently against my leg as if knowing that I needed the physical contact. I couldn't move or speak. I just gazed, unseeing ahead of me. There was a calm going through my mind…my energy suddenly depleted from having let it boil over from caging it for too long. I was relieved and yet so terribly exhausted…which was my own damned fault for thinking it was safer to keep everything inside and bottle it up instead of letting it out like a normal human being. But then again…when have I ever been normal?

Finally, I blinked and looked down into the dark liquid that seemed to be waiting for me to drink it. I sniffled, finally smelling the delicious aroma of bacon and eggs, blinked again and reached out with my left hand, not wanting to lose the warmth I felt under the safety of Sam's touch, and slowly dragged the mug closer so I could lean down and suck in a small sip.

"Bad dreams?" Sam asked in a careful tone and I nodded, the feeling of heat almost stinging the back of my throat as if I'd been screaming for the last several hours.

"Real bad…" I managed to say with a hoarse voice and finally picked up my fork only to prod at my eggs, "just realized how much I've really lost and won't be able to get back."

Sam's worried gaze searched my face, wondering as to what he should say when I made myself take a bite of the scrambled eggs. "I hope you like it, I mean…I never really get the chance to cook…" He said and trailed off at the sight of my eyes growing wide. "If it's bad you don't have to…"

I shook my head, swallowed fast and cut him off, "No! God no Sam," I paused to clear my throat, "this is very good." I explained and watched the relief sweep through his eyes at my words. "I didn't know you had it in you."

He seemed to visibly relax and picked up his fork, "yea…me neither." Sam replied and took a bite, chewed and swallowed before adding, "I actually used to help Jess…" he stopped to clear his throat, "back when I was in college."

I was in mid chew of my second bite when I sensed a slight energy of sadness dance through his aura at the mention of Jess. Bobby had mentioned to me once…how Sam had gotten back into hunting…about Jessica. "Well, you've done a great job." I announced with a smile and was met with his own; dimples showing, causing his blue/green eyes to shimmer at the compliment. I didn't want to remind him of pain.

"Thanks," Sam replied and with that…we began digging in to our food.

* * * * *

Bellies full, plates empty… We sat at the table Bobby had set up just days before me and the boys had arrived, and drank our second cup of coffee when a strange presence filled the room.

Sam sensed it when I let out a groan, "shit…we got company." I growled in annoyance and noticed Sam went rigid. I waved a hand in dismissal and added, "don't worry…she's just…"

I didn't have time to finish my sentence when that familiar bedroom voice sounded right next to the kitchen sink. "Her sister of whom she never speaks about." She said cutting me off and causing both Sam and I to turn toward her. Odyssey wore a grin when Sam's wide eyes fell on her face, "damn Tora…he sure is pretty."

"Hello Odyssey," I said in a grumble and met Sam's very confused eyes, "don't worry Sam…she's an old friend of the family."

"That's not how Bobby sees it." She muttered under her breath and I damn near gagged. "Oh don't act like that Balam," she added and placed her arms loosely beneath her bust, her slitted pupils focused on Sam, "like she said, don't worry. I'm not here to cause any trouble…" she trailed off, licking her lips at Sam, "…well, not yet anyway."

* * * **End Part Eight *** * *


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